If you've been reading this blog for any time at all, you know that I watch for "spiritual trends" that are sending me a message. Over the last five hours, I've been bombarded with the message "Always be ready."
The Old Testament reading in church this morning was from Isaiah, and the prophet was saying to the Jewish people to be ready because they never knew when the "savior" would appear.
A few minutes later The New Testament lesson was to early Christians to always be ready because they never knew when their savior would return. A further admonition from the passage was that you couldn't wait until you thought the time was imminent to change behavior because there wouldn't be that opportunity. We had to always be ready.
I awakened this morning with a raspy throat. I've been fighting a cold for several days, and my initial instinct was to curl up in bed and get some extra rest before leaving on a business trip. Almost as quickly as I had the thought, I remembered what I'd written in my last post about consulting my inner compass before making decisions. When I did, I clearly knew I was to go to church. If I hadn't, I would have missed those lessons.
As I returned from church and started to make lunch, I thought my mind darted to habit. Since I was out with friends last evening, I was going to flip on the replay of the "Hallmark Hall of Fame" presentation that I'd missed. In my last post I wrote that I planned to spend my Sunday afternoon in a meditation on the floor of my bedroom closet, consciously choosing what would be part of my future and what I need to leave behind by December 21. I thought I was hedging on my commitment to watch a television program that I know will be replayed a number of times in December.
One thing that became very clear to me when writing Choice Point, my as-yet-unpublished book about life as a meditation, was that everything, every thing, is connected. There truly are no accidents or coincidences if we are listening: we will be led.
The gathering last night was a somewhat impromptu one, or I would have watched the program on its first broadcast. That is important because, without the scripture lessons this morning, I might have missed that the theme of this television play was also "always be ready" or more precisely to "live your life like there's no tomorrow." Could I have guessed that the gathering was contrived by the Universe to help me "get it"?
Fortunately, when I checked in, it became clear to me that I was to watch the Hallmark program. I thought to myself that I could bring some of the boxes into the living room and sort while viewing, but again a very clear message: the sorting was to be a meditation, and I couldn't watch TV and meditate. So I ate and watched, and then I just watched.
The protagonist in the movie was a woman who worked too much. (Anyone I know fill that bill?) As a consequence to a happy accident, she learns that she has been neglecting what is really important while giving every aspect of her life away to work, which we might say is pretty much what I've been doing over the last 16 years....maybe longer. Of course, since there are no original story lines in Hallmark movies, I won't be giving anything away when I stay she does get a second chance, and this time she remembers what is important to her and to those around her.
So it is that in five short hours, the Universe has bombarded me to remember what is important in my life, an important lesson any time, but especially as I've been looking at my overly busy December over several days and struggling to find a time to put up my Christmas tree.
I got a headache about two-thirds of the way through the movie. What is important? I have known for a long time that I've squandered my relationships, and I've struggled to know how to intentionally choose to build a different life. I am sure that quandary is what gave me the headache, which lingers even as I write.
I truly do not know the answer, but as I wrote in Choice Point, I don't need to know. I just need to consciously choose my path, and I will be led. That is all I need to know, and I will "always be ready."
Showing posts with label choosing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label choosing. Show all posts
Sunday, November 27, 2016
Saturday, June 13, 2015
A Wasted Day
During a media interview this morning, I heard a man say, "A day without a memory is a wasted day." He really grabbed my attention.
Almost simultaneously I had two follow-on thoughts:
Almost simultaneously I had two follow-on thoughts:
- Most of my days are consumed with almost mindless routine.
- In order to have a day that isn't wasted, I will have to find something memorable in the sea of routine days. At least for some moment during the day, I will have to be conscious of something that is memorable.
I have to admit, I had this sinking feeling that many years of my life must have been wasted with the same routine. Get up, bathe, brush my teeth, do my make-up, stretch, make coffee, make oatmeal, race out the door so I am not late. Once I get to work, there is another routine. At 7:30 I boot up the computer. While that is happening, take my lunch to the refrigerator and maybe go to the restroom. Then settle in to answer dozens of emails before I start into back-to-back meetings. You get the point. My whole day is that way. Somewhere around 5:30, I sink into my chair and think that I really ought to do some creative work, but usually that is dismissed because I am too tired to be creative.
There are exceptional days. In fact this has been an exceptional week. On Tuesday, I received an award for a piece of change management work of which I am very proud--three years of focus...and someone noticed. Wednesday was annual performance review time, and for the first time in five years, I felt like someone actually noticed my work. (Could it be because of the award I received the day before?) On Thursday, my favorite teammate--and maybe my best-ever co-worker--left our organization to take a different job. Friday my retina specialist reported that the impact of my surgery 15 months later has been sustained. I also received an apology that meant a lot. Today I had lunch with a friend, and we talked a lot. Then, I started cleaning off my desk--now that is an endeavor worth remembering.
The funny thing about this exceptional week is that when I started to write this, I thought, "I can't even remember yesterday, except that I know I didn't stop." Then I focused on each day and discovered it had been a week of pretty memorable days. I think that in order to have memories we have to focus our intention on giving attention to what is memorable. I have to choose to make a memory. Without this thought, I might have let this week slip by like so many others--lots of wasted days.
It also occurs to me that I might even mix up the routine a little bit and create so memories.
So, tomorrow, I will choose a memory. Monday I will choose a memory. In the process, I will assure that my life is not wasted, but instead is rich with memories.
Friday, July 4, 2014
Freedom
It is the Fourth of July. After torrential downpours and strong winds, Washington is welcoming a splendid day. Sunshine has broken through and brought non-humid temperatures in the 70s with it. (Thank you, Hurricane Arthur!)
I love being in Washington on the Fourth of July. When we aren't having a tropical storm, people begin to whoop it up a full day in advance and often wear the red-white-and-blue for several days in advance. There's a true sense of celebration. It really is difficult for me not to spend some time in reflection about the nature of freedom.
Of course, what we really are celebrating today is a system of government. Some would even say we are celebrating a system of economics, but I am not sure that is what our Founding Fathers had in mind. But I look to personal freedom on this day. While I will quickly admit that we may have more options in one system of government than another, personal freedom is something any of us can have without regard to what structures others have assigned to us.
Since I first read Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning over a quarter century ago, I have believed the treatise to be the ultimate work on personal freedom. For any who may not be familiar with the transformative little book, Frankl spent a significant period of time in a Nazi concentration camp during World War II. Yet, even in that environment, he found personal freedom.
He says, "...there were always choices to make. Every day, every hour, offered the opportunity to make a decision which determined whether you would or would not submit to those powers which threatened to rob you of your very self, your inner freedom....Even though conditions...may suggest that the inmates were bound to react in certain ways, in the final analysis it becomes clear that the sort of person the prisoner became was the result of an inner decision, and not the result of camp influences alone."
Frankl continues, "...any man can, even under such circumstances, decide what shall become of him--mentally and spiritually. He may retain his human dignity even in a concentration camp."
Even as I read those words again on the yellowed pages of my first copy, they move me.
I am an adventuresome traveler. People have often said after hearing tales of my adventures, "I couldn't do that." Well, of course, they could. They have just chosen to believe they cannot.
I love to dance but have only had a regular partner for maybe a year of the almost 20 years I have danced. I just go and take my chances that there will be people with whom I can dance. Sometimes, I am bored and leave early, but certainly in excess of 90 percent of the time, I dance...a lot. A number of friends have said they'd like to dance but don't have a partner. When I tell them my story, they say they couldn't go to a dance alone. Of course, they could. They are choosing to stay at home, and I choose to go and take my chances.
Over the years, I have moved from the Midwest to the West Coast without a job because I wanted to. Later I moved the other direction to the East Cost without a job because I knew that I was fundamentally an East Coast person...and because I hated the weather in the Pacific Northwest. Eight years ago last month I pulled up roots in North Carolina and moved to Washington, again without a job, because I was drawn to the city and the desire to be a public servant. Many have told me they couldn't have done what I did. Of course, they could. I don't have any magic fairy dust that makes outcomes materialize perfectly. Maybe I just have a higher tolerance for being very uncomfortable for months during the transition, but what I am willing to tolerate is also a choice.
Last week at work someone asked if I was going to apply for a program available to potential leaders of our Agency. The program requires a "continued service agreement," which means if I enter the program I have to promise to work for the Agency for several more years. I did sign such an agreement a few years ago, and I described it as "legal slavery." Now as I look back at my attitude at that time, or even just this last week in my conversation about the new program, I know that my words were not true. Those agreements are only "legal slavery" because I allow them to be. I need to do a reset.
What we believe we can or cannot do is only determined by the extent of personal freedom we choose mentally and spiritually.
My life clearly works better when I have chosen to be free of mentally confining limitations. On this day of freedom, I am choosing to reassess where I have chosen freedom and where I have spurned it. Who knows I really might jump out of an airplane before summer is over, and I may even find myself back in graduate school next year. Or maybe not. I don't have to do something just because I can, but allowing myself to weigh all the options before deciding what I really want is, well, freeing.
Happy Independence Day!
I love being in Washington on the Fourth of July. When we aren't having a tropical storm, people begin to whoop it up a full day in advance and often wear the red-white-and-blue for several days in advance. There's a true sense of celebration. It really is difficult for me not to spend some time in reflection about the nature of freedom.
Of course, what we really are celebrating today is a system of government. Some would even say we are celebrating a system of economics, but I am not sure that is what our Founding Fathers had in mind. But I look to personal freedom on this day. While I will quickly admit that we may have more options in one system of government than another, personal freedom is something any of us can have without regard to what structures others have assigned to us.
Since I first read Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning over a quarter century ago, I have believed the treatise to be the ultimate work on personal freedom. For any who may not be familiar with the transformative little book, Frankl spent a significant period of time in a Nazi concentration camp during World War II. Yet, even in that environment, he found personal freedom.
He says, "...there were always choices to make. Every day, every hour, offered the opportunity to make a decision which determined whether you would or would not submit to those powers which threatened to rob you of your very self, your inner freedom....Even though conditions...may suggest that the inmates were bound to react in certain ways, in the final analysis it becomes clear that the sort of person the prisoner became was the result of an inner decision, and not the result of camp influences alone."
Frankl continues, "...any man can, even under such circumstances, decide what shall become of him--mentally and spiritually. He may retain his human dignity even in a concentration camp."
Even as I read those words again on the yellowed pages of my first copy, they move me.
I am an adventuresome traveler. People have often said after hearing tales of my adventures, "I couldn't do that." Well, of course, they could. They have just chosen to believe they cannot.
I love to dance but have only had a regular partner for maybe a year of the almost 20 years I have danced. I just go and take my chances that there will be people with whom I can dance. Sometimes, I am bored and leave early, but certainly in excess of 90 percent of the time, I dance...a lot. A number of friends have said they'd like to dance but don't have a partner. When I tell them my story, they say they couldn't go to a dance alone. Of course, they could. They are choosing to stay at home, and I choose to go and take my chances.
Over the years, I have moved from the Midwest to the West Coast without a job because I wanted to. Later I moved the other direction to the East Cost without a job because I knew that I was fundamentally an East Coast person...and because I hated the weather in the Pacific Northwest. Eight years ago last month I pulled up roots in North Carolina and moved to Washington, again without a job, because I was drawn to the city and the desire to be a public servant. Many have told me they couldn't have done what I did. Of course, they could. I don't have any magic fairy dust that makes outcomes materialize perfectly. Maybe I just have a higher tolerance for being very uncomfortable for months during the transition, but what I am willing to tolerate is also a choice.
Last week at work someone asked if I was going to apply for a program available to potential leaders of our Agency. The program requires a "continued service agreement," which means if I enter the program I have to promise to work for the Agency for several more years. I did sign such an agreement a few years ago, and I described it as "legal slavery." Now as I look back at my attitude at that time, or even just this last week in my conversation about the new program, I know that my words were not true. Those agreements are only "legal slavery" because I allow them to be. I need to do a reset.
What we believe we can or cannot do is only determined by the extent of personal freedom we choose mentally and spiritually.
My life clearly works better when I have chosen to be free of mentally confining limitations. On this day of freedom, I am choosing to reassess where I have chosen freedom and where I have spurned it. Who knows I really might jump out of an airplane before summer is over, and I may even find myself back in graduate school next year. Or maybe not. I don't have to do something just because I can, but allowing myself to weigh all the options before deciding what I really want is, well, freeing.
Happy Independence Day!
Monday, May 19, 2014
Listening to Their Wisdom
I have noticed over the years that coaching clients often "present" to me issues which I need to look at in my own life. When I find myself having similar conversations, especially in back-to-back sessions, I figure I should pay attention myself. That happened today. Interestingly enough, I've been involved in several conversations over the last two weeks when the same topic bubbled up. Something similar came up on a class I am taking last night. The Universe is sending people into my life to help me learn. In their answers, I find wisdom.
Each of these clients led me to draw a model for further exploration--the same model. The concept is that we have three levels of "being" in our lives. A colleague of mine draws it with three concentric circles. The innermost is "DNA." That part of us is what it is, and we aren't likely to change it. My brown eyes are not going to become blue because I choose that. The next circle is labeled "Personality," and it is likely to change little. The bigger outside circle is entitled, "Behavior." Now "behavior" is something we can work with.
I think about the difference between personality and behavior as being like an actor or an actress, who plays a role. The role doesn't change the actor's personality, but they behave in the play or movie in a way that can be contrary to their natural personality. Our jobs often require us to behave in ways that are contrary to our natural personality. For instance, I am a strong introvert, who has a job that requires me to extravert about 75% of the time. It is exhausting, but I can and have done it...for decades.
So it is that conversations with two coaching clients today explored their needs to choose behaviors that are not naturally easy to them in order be more effective leaders. As I helped them discover how they could allow themselves to slip into a role, it didn't seem all that difficult. We were able to identify times in their lives during which they'd learned a new role that had by now become so familiar to them that they could hardly remember what it was like before they chose it.
This ability to transcend who we might naturally be and step into a much bigger role opens countless doors. I call it leadership, but maybe it is "just" conscious living. The ability in a moment to be conscious of who we are, what our tendencies are, the stories we've told ourselves about what we can and can't do, and then to choose the behavior we want brings intention to life in our lives. We step into the life that we would have rather than the life we inherited. Consciousness, intention, and action.
I used to struggle with this a bit. "If we choose to act contrary to who we are, is that 'authentic?' I have wondered. But after much reflection, I believe it is much more authentic. If we just act with what comes naturally, we are doing so without thought. Reflecting--even soul-searching--and then choosing what is in integrity with who we choose to be: that is authentic.
I would like to say that I do that all the time. I know there have been times when I acted that authenticity much more than I do now. The pace of my life has lulled me into this trancelike state--the sleeping state that men call waking--where I forget to remember that above all else, we have free will. I can choose who I will become by the behaviors I demonstrate in large and small ways...every day, every hour, every minute.
As I listened to the wisdom spill across my clients' lips, I knew that on some level they were advising me. Wake up and become who you choose to be!
Each of these clients led me to draw a model for further exploration--the same model. The concept is that we have three levels of "being" in our lives. A colleague of mine draws it with three concentric circles. The innermost is "DNA." That part of us is what it is, and we aren't likely to change it. My brown eyes are not going to become blue because I choose that. The next circle is labeled "Personality," and it is likely to change little. The bigger outside circle is entitled, "Behavior." Now "behavior" is something we can work with.
I think about the difference between personality and behavior as being like an actor or an actress, who plays a role. The role doesn't change the actor's personality, but they behave in the play or movie in a way that can be contrary to their natural personality. Our jobs often require us to behave in ways that are contrary to our natural personality. For instance, I am a strong introvert, who has a job that requires me to extravert about 75% of the time. It is exhausting, but I can and have done it...for decades.
So it is that conversations with two coaching clients today explored their needs to choose behaviors that are not naturally easy to them in order be more effective leaders. As I helped them discover how they could allow themselves to slip into a role, it didn't seem all that difficult. We were able to identify times in their lives during which they'd learned a new role that had by now become so familiar to them that they could hardly remember what it was like before they chose it.
This ability to transcend who we might naturally be and step into a much bigger role opens countless doors. I call it leadership, but maybe it is "just" conscious living. The ability in a moment to be conscious of who we are, what our tendencies are, the stories we've told ourselves about what we can and can't do, and then to choose the behavior we want brings intention to life in our lives. We step into the life that we would have rather than the life we inherited. Consciousness, intention, and action.
I used to struggle with this a bit. "If we choose to act contrary to who we are, is that 'authentic?' I have wondered. But after much reflection, I believe it is much more authentic. If we just act with what comes naturally, we are doing so without thought. Reflecting--even soul-searching--and then choosing what is in integrity with who we choose to be: that is authentic.
I would like to say that I do that all the time. I know there have been times when I acted that authenticity much more than I do now. The pace of my life has lulled me into this trancelike state--the sleeping state that men call waking--where I forget to remember that above all else, we have free will. I can choose who I will become by the behaviors I demonstrate in large and small ways...every day, every hour, every minute.
As I listened to the wisdom spill across my clients' lips, I knew that on some level they were advising me. Wake up and become who you choose to be!
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Thursday, March 6, 2014
I'm Happy!
"Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth...I'm happy!" I truly feel it!
I am not much of a music person anymore, except for music to which I dance. Not because I don't like music, but mostly because I love the stillness of just BEing. That said, I have a crazy earworm for the Pharrell Williams' song, "I'm Happy!" (from Despicable Me 2.) Since I've already confessed that I am not much of a music person, then I guess it is safe to admit that I'd never heard this song until Sunday evening on the Academy Awards program. I guess I may be the only person on the planet who could actually say that, but I am sure there must be someone else out there.
Confessions behind me, I love this song. It is so infectiously...well, happy. I can't listen to one play-through of that song without feeling really good...no, great. When I was hall-walking tonight, I felt like I was flying down the halls. I had a spring in my step that is usually reserved for those first delicious spring days. (I admit that I even danced a bit, clapping to the music.)
The line above, "Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth," haunts me. I really believe that "...happiness is the truth!" I think that as human beings we are hard-wired to be happy, but sometimes life gets in the way, and I forget. I can remember working at a place where my nickname was "Little Mary Sunshine," and I mourn the amnesia of the part of me that knows I am happy and knows that happiness is the truth. This week it has awakened. Did a piece of music jar me back into happiness?
The mail today brought the Omega catalog. (Toys R Us for personal transformation.) The CEO's opening letter reminded me of a Native American myth with which I always resonate. In the myth, a grandmother is teaching her grandson, "A fight is going on inside of me. It is a fight between two wolves. One is an angry, greedy, self-pitying, arrogant, jealous and prideful wolf. The other is a joyful, generous, kind, peaceful empathetic, and humble wolf. The two wolves are always fighting. And that same fight is going on inside you--and inside every other person, too."
The grandson reflects for a moment before asking, "Which wolf will win?"
The grandmother smiles and responds, "The one you feed. The one you feed."
I am certain that I have not been feeding the joyful, happy wolf in me nearly enough. "Happy" is a rich, wonderful, and delicious meal for the happy part of me. I also feel the happy wolf when I write, and I freely admit that I've missed writing and the happiness it brings while I've been recuperating. Exercise and healthy foods feed the happy one, too. And, always, always, dance feeds the happy, joyful one.
But the grandmother is right. The two are always fighting. My second full day of Lent had been consumed with nervousness as my body withdraws from sugar...until "Happy." Less than one minute of feeding the happy wolf, and I am excited, joyful, and energetic. The two cannot co-exist: they stand in juxtaposition, but they cannot co-exist.
So, as I wrote in Leading from the Heart (and a lot of other places.) Life is a choice: you choose. I am choosing to be happy and to feed the happy wolf in me.
I am not much of a music person anymore, except for music to which I dance. Not because I don't like music, but mostly because I love the stillness of just BEing. That said, I have a crazy earworm for the Pharrell Williams' song, "I'm Happy!" (from Despicable Me 2.) Since I've already confessed that I am not much of a music person, then I guess it is safe to admit that I'd never heard this song until Sunday evening on the Academy Awards program. I guess I may be the only person on the planet who could actually say that, but I am sure there must be someone else out there.
Confessions behind me, I love this song. It is so infectiously...well, happy. I can't listen to one play-through of that song without feeling really good...no, great. When I was hall-walking tonight, I felt like I was flying down the halls. I had a spring in my step that is usually reserved for those first delicious spring days. (I admit that I even danced a bit, clapping to the music.)
The line above, "Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth," haunts me. I really believe that "...happiness is the truth!" I think that as human beings we are hard-wired to be happy, but sometimes life gets in the way, and I forget. I can remember working at a place where my nickname was "Little Mary Sunshine," and I mourn the amnesia of the part of me that knows I am happy and knows that happiness is the truth. This week it has awakened. Did a piece of music jar me back into happiness?
The mail today brought the Omega catalog. (Toys R Us for personal transformation.) The CEO's opening letter reminded me of a Native American myth with which I always resonate. In the myth, a grandmother is teaching her grandson, "A fight is going on inside of me. It is a fight between two wolves. One is an angry, greedy, self-pitying, arrogant, jealous and prideful wolf. The other is a joyful, generous, kind, peaceful empathetic, and humble wolf. The two wolves are always fighting. And that same fight is going on inside you--and inside every other person, too."
The grandson reflects for a moment before asking, "Which wolf will win?"
The grandmother smiles and responds, "The one you feed. The one you feed."
I am certain that I have not been feeding the joyful, happy wolf in me nearly enough. "Happy" is a rich, wonderful, and delicious meal for the happy part of me. I also feel the happy wolf when I write, and I freely admit that I've missed writing and the happiness it brings while I've been recuperating. Exercise and healthy foods feed the happy one, too. And, always, always, dance feeds the happy, joyful one.
But the grandmother is right. The two are always fighting. My second full day of Lent had been consumed with nervousness as my body withdraws from sugar...until "Happy." Less than one minute of feeding the happy wolf, and I am excited, joyful, and energetic. The two cannot co-exist: they stand in juxtaposition, but they cannot co-exist.
So, as I wrote in Leading from the Heart (and a lot of other places.) Life is a choice: you choose. I am choosing to be happy and to feed the happy wolf in me.
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