Fully in

Once again I find that similar messages surround me wherever I look.  This time the message is about being "fully in" or completely "going for it."  To mark the 200th anniversary of the founding of our church, the Bishop of Washington visited and preached today.  She shared a story of a friend who had an opportunity to be influential at a national level, but to do so was going to require the person to be "fully in."

Her friend was uncomfortable with that because opportunities in her life had just seemed to float by, and the individual could hop on the boat, so to speak, as it was passing if she was interested.  She'd really never needed to fully commit herself to something before.  But this time, she felt it was important enough that she should be fully in.

Three days ago I coached a client who had been fully in during the application process for what would have been a nice promotion.  She didn't get it.  Now, another opportunity has come along.  She is inclined to not get her hopes up again so that if she doesn't get the promotion, her hopes won't be dashed so terribly as they were last month.  Yet, in our conversation, she identified several things she needs to do to be a good candidate that really require her to be fully in.

She is from the Christian tradition and we talked about being "lukewarm water."  The book of Revelation in  the Christian scriptures says, "I know your works, that you are neither cold not hot: I would that you were cold or hot. So then because you are lukewarm, and neither cold not hot, I will spew you out of my mouth." (Revelation 3:15-16.)  By the end of the session, my client really "got" that she couldn't be successful unless she was fully in.

As I walked home after church, I kept playing with this.  Be either hot or cold, but not lukewarm. The problem is, I have nothing that I can really get cranked up about enough to be "hot," and really nothing I am so indifferent to as to be "cold."  There must be something, I thought.

Almost as I had that thought, I knew what I needed to be fully in about: in 1997 I "finished" a book, which I call Choice Point.  I passionately marketed it for several years.  About 50 people have read it, and most feel like it was important and different from anything else in the market.  Repeatedly, the book met with rejections.  One publisher returned it so quickly, that I couldn't believe that enough time had passed for the manuscript to reach the publisher and be returned.

When my business tanked, I was forced to push the book to the back burner.  Out of sight, but definitely not out of mind.  It has been a couple years since I got it out and reread it.  The message is important, but the book is badly dated.  It would require major rework/rewrite.  I simply have no time or energy to do that.

Yet, today I knew the thing that I needed to be fully in about was Choice Point.  I truly have to admit that over the last decade, I couldn't even say that I had even cranked up the temperature on my passion for the book to lukewarm.  Totally cold.  Not fully in.  Not in at all.

I don't know when I will find the time to even read the book again, much less rewrite and update it.  Yet, I know in my heart of hearts, that is what I must do.

My  problem is not feeling fully in about anything.  I believe that, like my coaching client, I have been wounded too many times when I was fully in, and I don't want to pain of disappointment again. Yet, I know, that this book deserves the light of day.

When I think about being fully in, the first thing that comes to my mind is when will I find time?  I work very long hours, but I work those hours because of my commitment to my clients. What, I wonder, if I made my book as important as my clients.  Somehow that feels like a false choice to me because my clients are living breathing humans who are often in pain, and my book is a stack of paper.  But I know that my stack of paper could change lives, and it might even change the world.

Ten days ago, I took samurai training, and one of my take-aways was that I can't take care of others until I take care of myself.  My soul is in Choice Point.  Maybe I can't really take care of my clients until I take care of fully birthing this book into the world.  I am not sure how I will make this happen, but I am confident that if I make a commitment to my intention to do so, it will happen.