I am NOT too busy to...

A couple weeks ago I sat having a deliciously lingering lunch with a friend.  The last time I saw her was last summer, probably at least 9 months ago. As we shared stories and reflections, I found myself lamenting that my work has so grabbed hold of my life that I no longer had time for things that were truly important, like connecting with friends and having such relaxed conversation.

In the course of our conversation, I discovered that my friend hadn't even been to my "new" apartment since I was still moving in.  I've settled in, painted, remodeled, and been in it now for 2-1/2 years.  How could I let that happen?  I love cooking and having guests in my home. I realized that, except for one friend who comes over 3-4 times a year, I haven't had people over except during the holidays.

Last week I had my annual physical, and my blood pressure, which has always been on the low side of normal, had jumped 20 points.  My doctor asked about exercise, mediation, and other stress-relieving practices that he knew had been part of my routine for years.  "My work allows for little except work and sleep.  When I try to meditate, I fall asleep," I explained.  It felt like a pitiful excuse.

Several weeks earlier, our assistant rector talked about the unpleasant reality for many of us of being too busy to do things we enjoy or think we would enjoy.  She encouraged us to catch ourselves each time we started to say we were too busy to do something and correct ourselves, by saying, "I am NOT too busy...."

In each of the situations above, I found her words echoing in the back of my brain.  While I have not developed the I-am-NOT-too-busy muscle yet, the haunting consciousness is there.  I always say that awareness is 90 percent of the battle.

Instead of cleaning my apartment, which really needed it, last weekend, I curled up with a book I had been enjoying, and then on Thursday I went to a new-to-me book club to discuss it.  I used to read a lot. Last weekend I reminded myself that "I am NOT too busy" to read.

Today after church I walked to the DuPont Circle Farmer's Market, one of the best in the nation, to buy my favorite gluten-free ginger chocolate chip scone.  Doing so was a treat in which I hadn't indulged myself  since last fall.  After two weeks of rain, we have a splendid sunny day.  I sat on a bench, lingering over each and every bite of the scone, and just drank in the sun, as it warmed my face.  "I am NOT too busy for this," I reminded myself.

While I have found it difficult to make doing things that I treasure a priority in recent years, I do like to think that when I do them, I am pretty good at really being present.  I will almost never check texts or email on my smartphone while with a friend, as many now make a regular practice.  When my friend and I had lunch, I was totally focused on our connection. When I was reading, I was in the book. When I was enjoying my scone, I savored every bite. While I'd like to bring the mastery of being present to the whole of my life, for now, I will be grateful that when I bring intention to doing so, I really can be present.

When I entered my door this afternoon, I headed to the kitchen to start my list of things I had to do before another busy week got ahead of me.  Instead, I caught myself.  Remembering the assistant rector's words, I said to myself "I am NOT too busy to write a blogpost," not only something I really enjoy, but a spiritual practice for me that keeps me headed in the direction I want my life to go.  So, I put down the list-making paper, made myself a cup of coffee, and here I am writing.

Although all those things still need to be done before the week takes off at warp speed, instead of doing chores and tasks, I think I will now change clothes and go for a walk on this first gorgeous spring day in a while.  At least for this day, my priorities feel like they are in order.