Temporal Free-fall

(This was supposed to be posted on 9/28.  I didn't do something right with the technology and just found it in "drafts" for the blog.  It may add continuity to my posts from Greece.)

Sometime between 8 and 9 last night when I attempted to charge my iPhone, I discovered that I'd left my cable in Athens. I was at 57% charged, which meant that I really needed to conserve energy. This was my only timekeeping device. It was also my writing device, GPS, currency converter, and metric converter.

What would I do?

Immediately, I powered off my device. Then I went into a temporal free-fall. I am still in my first 48 hours in Greece, and I am jet-lagging badly. Despite pharmaceuticals, I was up much of the night. I can't tell you how much because I was powered down.

As the hours passed, I wondered: what time is it? I knew that it was passed the normal Greek coming in time of midnight; I'd heard people coming in earlier. Lights were on and off several times as I would almost read myself to sleep, only to be wide awake when I turned the light off. I had no idea if it was 1 a.m. or 5 a.m.

Then, what difference did it make? I didn't have to be anywhere for over a week.

Breakfast was served in my hotel until 10:30, so I knew it was before 10:30 when I cut into an exquisite Greek peach. I am certain they are the best in the world. I've been salivating for months just thinking about them, and at last I was embracing the succulence of this divine creation.

I climbed 999 (maybe 890, depending on who was telling) steps to the ancient fort. I stopped and chatted in cobbled Greek with an ancient Greek woman, who showed me the way when I became confused. I came back into town and sat on a bench at the water's edge, almost drifting to sleep after my short night. I kept wanting to know if it was "time to eat," rather than whether I was hungry. Several times I caught myself going for the phone to check the time only to stop myself. Each time I was aware that I was not hungry.

When I walked through the narrow streets back to my hotel to dispose of acquisitions, cafes were packed, but I resisted: I was not hungry. Some time later when I was hungry, I meandered back into town. Cafes were now empty.

By this time, I'd borrowed a charger, but I'd also become aware how much of my life has occurred based on the clock, rather than my wisdom, so I have resisted looking.

Like my meditational retreats at home when I tape over the clocks, I am choosing a temporal free-fall. How can I have become so out of touch with myself? I find myself drifting to what I will do tomorrow, only to catch myself with: "Does it matter?" I don't have to be anywhere for over a week.

I resist the American tourista in me to see as much as I can in a few days, and instead, I choose to just be...in this moment. What else is there? After a long lingering lunch, followed by an iced espresso, I will wander back to the waterfront with my book for who knows how long. And, does it really matter?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Gift of Self

I had a delightful afternoon.  This was my last recuperation day, and a dear friend, whom I haven't visited for a while, came to visit and to encourage my healing.  We had a simple soup and bread...and chocolate...lunch. Then we talked and talked...about all manner of things past, present, and future.  We were relaxed, and until we felt rush hour encroaching at the end of the afternoon, we existed in a wonderful timeless space. Ah!

Unlike the typical rush to fit a quick visit in before the next appointment that seems to run much of my life, when she left, I felt happy and satisfied. What a rare and wonderful gift she had given me: a gift of herself.  I like to think I carve out special times for these suspended times of connection with friends, like half-day into the evening play dates with one friend a couple times during pool season. But, I felt so rich today that I think I will do this more often. 

It is such a precious thing to be able to give to another while receiving from that person...and having fun, too.  Somehow I think we did this more when we were younger, or maybe the world wasn't spinning quite so fast when we were younger.  I do recall the ends of afternoons of yard work, which inevitably ended with several neighbors convening on someone's porch for popcorn, chips, and libation.  There was a timelessness about those moments as well.  The thing about those times is that I remember them in much more detail than finely planned and orchestrated parties and dinners that involved the same people.

In the slow-motion of recovery, it is easy to commit to intentionally making more of these times. When the world begins spinning faster, I fear that time will slip by too quickly.  Yet, if I do not commit to doing so, I risk losing something way more important that whatever else I would have done when I was racing through life.  Who knows? Maybe making time for these special moments will slow time as well as quality of life.  I hope so.

Making a life

"We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give." Winston Churchill

Yesterday I wrote about gratitude, and although we usually think about being grateful for something we receive, I did introduce the concept of giving as an element of gratitude.  Today, I want to focus on giving.  We can give many things.  Money and things are easy to give.  Time, commitment, focus, consistency, and passion are harder.  These require that we give of ourselves--our life energy.

I am guilty of saying, "I'd really like to do that, but I don't have time."  What I am saying is that I don't make that thing a priority in my life.  Yet when I look at the time that I fritter away every week in activities that are meaningless to me, it is clear that time is not the issue.  What has been lacking are commitment, focus, and consistency.

For at least a half dozen years, I'd talked about starting a blog about heart-knowing.  Only this week have I mustered the commitment, focus, consistency, and, yes, time to actually do so.  When I pushed myself to my computer to write my blog last night, I was really tired, and it was late.  Where would the energy come from to write?  But, I was committed to writing daily. A funny thing happened: by the time I was done writing, I was energized, satisfied, and passionate about what I'd written.  I thought I was giving to others, and my gift came back to me tenfold.

I am not sure why I was surprised.  Each time I've written a book my time in the "flow" state with the words tumbling out of me like water from a waterfall has left me deeply satisfied and with a heart warmth that glows from inside of me.

Whatever our gifts may be, when we make using them a priority, we give to the world the very thing we came here to give...and we are making a life by doing so.  That's what I know in my heart today.