Engaged

Jose Carlos was the evening desk clerk at the small hotel where I stayed in Madrid.  Late one evening I went down to ask him for some directions that I needed for the next day.  He was so gleefully into whatever he was working on that I just stood and watched for a few minutes.  Now I want to clarify that this wasn't the situation which I've often encountered where someone is on their email or having a person conversation.  Jose Carlos was doing work.  I think he was working on something so unglamorous as charges for those checking out the next day.

Finally, I said something, and it was immediately apparent that he had no awareness that I had been standing there.  As soon as he saw me, he shifted his focus completely to me and my question. Whatever he had been consumed by was instantly a million miles away, and there was nothing in his attention except me and my need for directions.

Over the few days that I was stayed in the hotel I witnessed Jose Carlos being completely engaged in what he was doing a number of times.  Sometimes it was helping other guests. On a couple of occasions he was helping me.  But, always he was completely engaged in whatever he was doing.  In an era of multi-tasking, he was a sight to behold.

Since taking the psychology of happiness class this summer and being reminded of the "flow" state, I've increasingly been aware of how rarely I am fully engaged in activities.  I am doing a Spanish class on my iPhone while making dinner.  I am talking on the phone while checking email.  I am taking calls and responding to emails and people stopping by my office while attempting to design a session.  As research on multi-tasking has been proving, when we multi-task, we don't do anything well. I know that I don't do my best at anything when I am multi-tasking.

When I think about times when I was really into designing a session or writing a book, nothing else crept into my mind.  I was totally focused and extraordinarily creative. Work flowed through me. Time stopped.  At the end of the day, often I felt more energized than I had at the beginning.  And, it has been a long time since I worked like that.

For four months I am working out of a different office and doing a different job.  It is a job I've done before, but a long time ago and in a different setting.  I do have to pay attention to new particulars to the job, but it is still familiar enough that I can do a lot on autopilot.  What I've noticed in my first nine days on this job is similar to what I wrote about on September 29 in "The Accelerator is Stuck." I've been in a situation that has required multi-tasking for so long that I've forgotten how to focus.

My friend Amy who is a frequent contributor the this blog recently was guest on the "Transformation Cafe" radio program.  She spoke of finding God in the messiness of our lives.  I've known for decades that is where the real spiritual learning and growth occurs.  If, as spiritual teacher Carolyn Myss has said, "being present" is our most important spiritual lesson, then the ability to be fully engaged in what we are doing at any given moment is an essential aspect of that lesson.

Like taking my foot off the gas pedal of my life, being engaged might actually be more of an exercise in learning to say "no" to things that are less important so that I can focus on what I consciously choose to be really important in any moment.

A little bit ago, I received a phone call from someone while I was working on this blog post.  I really didn't want to talk on the phone. In looking back I was so disinterested in the conversation that I am certain that message came across.  I might even have been perceived as rude.  What I really wanted was to write.  I've missed it, and I actually had a 30-45 minutes in which I could write, and I'd been interrupted.  But, the truth is that I didn't have to answer the phone.  I could have stayed focused on the writing.

That was when it occurred to me how important it is to say "no".  Just because my phone rings doesn't mean that I have to pick up.  I can say "no" to it, let it roll to my voice mail, and return the call later when I could be fully engaged in the phone conversation.

I recently took samurai training.  We learned to live by a set of values, and the lines aren't always clear.  How to I choose between loyalty and compassion or commitment and compassion.  I need to say "yes" to both.  How do I do that?  At the end of the day of training, I wrote that to make this work I need to stay centered and stay present.  I need to be fully aware of what I am choosing and as importantly to what things I choose to say "no."

Jose Carlos was such a wonderful example of being engaged and choosing to be fully present to whatever has his attention.  I can imagine remembering his model as I choose to find God in the messiness of everyday life.  If I don't, God could be talking directly to me, and I might just miss it.