Expectations

I still have a baby tooth.  The technical term is "deciduous," but most of us call them baby teeth.  We get them very early in life, and like the leaves that fall from deciduous trees, a few short years later they get loose and fall out.  Even though we start getting them at six or seven when the replacements push the baby teeth away, the new ones are called "adult" teeth.

For whatever reason, an adult tooth never formed under one of my baby teeth, and with nothing pushing the process forward, my little deciduous tooth just hung in there...and hung in...and hung in. From the time I was a teenager, dentists have been telling me that I would lose it.  As some point in earlier adulthood, the tune changed to take good care of it so that it would last as long as possible.  I got that lecture less than a year ago from my current dentist.

Last month both my dentist and a periodontist told me it had to go. An infection under the tooth threatens other teeth, and apparently my heart and kidneys as well.  Since I feel like my little tooth has served me extraordinarily well, I can't really say I am sad or even surprised.  After all, this should have happened decades ago.

As I contemplate the demise of my stalwart servant, I keep coming back to my expectations.  Early on, I expected to lose the tooth.  Then at some point since it had been with me for so long, I expected to have it for the duration.  However, even when I was young and expecting it to fall out, I had never expected that there were be a gaping hole in my mouth.  I just never thought about what it would be like after I lost it.  For that matter, I hadn't thought about what I would do with it when it was no longer in my mouth.

I suppose that there are parents who save their children's teeth after the tooth fairy makes her visit. Mine were not among them.  I don't have a vial to which I can add this one when it comes out on Friday, but given the time it was part of me and the extraordinary service it rendered, I do feel like it should get some special recognition.

That's how this whole thing has led me back to one of my perpetual growth spots: gratitude.  In all the years that my tooth has served me, I have rarely thought about it and the service it was rendering.  I have certainly never thought about the richness it has added to my life.  Only when I am about to lose the tooth does it get the gratitude and appreciation that it has been due.

My tooth is not unlike so many things in my life.  I pretty much took my mobility for granted until a disease threatened me with being a quadriplegic.  I had a good education and employment history so I just expected I'd always have a roof over my head and food in my belly...until my business went bust, and I didn't.  Later working for the federal government, I just pretty much assumed that the checks would keep coming until I decided for them to stop; when the government shut down for three week in 2013, I developed a whole new appreciation for the regularity of my paychecks and the benefits that came with them.

It has been the same with people in my life.  A friend that I saw three days early is suddenly dead.  I know that I didn't appreciate her the way I should.  Another that I used to talk with regularly met a man and took off on life's great adventure, and I miss our periodic talks.  An aunt, who is now in her late 80s, was very special to me when I was younger, and I've let our relationship devolve into a few phone calls a year.  When she is gone, I know that I will regret not valuing her more when she was alive.

Somehow the expectation that the people in my life will continue to be there is a faulty one.  Last Monday I had a drink and dinner with several friends who used to work with me.  We see each other two or three times a year now, and I realized after leaving them that they made me feel like being wrapped in a warm blanket.

Even though I didn't really want to return to my current job after my temporary assignment, I have really enjoyed reconnecting with some of my favorite clients and coworkers.  While not in the warm blanket category, I do value them, and I have certainly become aware that they value me.

Because gratitude seems like a perpetual spiritual lesson for me, I know that I will backslide on my commitment a few days or a few weeks from now.  Yet in the meantime, I am going to value being intentionally grateful for the people in my life...now...when I really can appreciate with them.