Doing What I am Good At

Since The Late Show is on way too late for me to watch and still make my 5 a.m. wake-up call, most days I end up having dinner with Stephen Colbert and the previous night's antics On-Demand. (He's actually a nice dinner companion since I have no other.) I was delighted a couple weeks ago (2/18/16)  that one of Stephen's guests was Tea Leoni, star of "Madame Secretary," one of my new favorite shows.

Leoni was on the show just before turning 50, and she and Colbert shared a humorous look at some of her life.  An interesting piece of trivia bubbled up.  Leoni was educated to be an anthropologist and apparently worked in the field for a period of time.  "I was good at it," she shared.

She continued to share a conversation she had with her father when she was a young woman.  "Don't do something because you're good at it," he'd said to his daughter when she was a young woman. "Find something you're passionate about, and you'll learn to be good at it."  Obviously, Leoni took his advice, and we are all the beneficiaries of her fine acting.

I was struck by the advice because it has special significance to me.  When I am with someone with whom I feel it safe to share my displeasure with my work, almost always they will say something about how good I am at it.  My field is a broad one.  I seem to be stuck in one narrow band of activity, which I am good at but for which I have no passion.  Frequently, the boringness of my days has led to soul-searching about whether I even like my profession any longer.  Then, I remind myself that what I am doing is not my sweet spot in the field, and maybe if I was doing that work I would love it again.

Now I reflect on the advice of Leoni's father to do something you are passionate about, and you will become good at it.  The truth is that I no longer know what I am passionate about.  On those occasional unbounded days when I take off the constraints, I have asked myself what I would do if I won the lottery and didn't have to work for money.  I know for certain that I would want to work. People in my family live to be 100 and the idea of being retired for 35 or 40 years leaves me stone cold.

What would I do?  I don't have an answer, but I harken back to a contribution by a colleague at a professional meeting over 20 years ago now.  He had talked about a decision-making "tool" he used when he didn't know what to do.  "I ask myself 'Would it bring me to life?' or 'Would it bring life to me?'"  He said just asking those simple questions almost always brought crystal clarity to him.  I've used the questions a number of times in the last 20 years, and they have not failed me.

I have not won the lottery so I do need to work in something that will support me financially. There are certain parts of my profession that I think I would have passion for...if I just had the opportunity to do them again.  While not totally in my sweet spot, it ends up that I have a couple of projects this spring that will at least allow me to move closer to that place where work just seems to flow through us.  Maybe those experiences will provide insights.

However, there is a part of me that really believes I should be doing something completely different at this point in my life.  I've been doing organization development for almost 25 years, and I feel that I'd like to travel a different path for the next 10-12.  I do love coaching, but I recall that when I was coaching full-time in the 90s that I missed the contact with people that we have on our jobs.  So while I would love to do more coaching, I don't think I want that for a full-time gig.

Last night I had a young woman as a guest at a dinner party who is doing international development work.  I've had several friends who do that kind work, and I've also wondered if I could figure out how to segue into that kind of endeavor. When I look at the refugee crisis and other such disasters, the work really is aligned with the contribution I'd like to make in the world.

I've also noticed that I've been purchased a couple books recently and realized only after I'd made the purchases that they were categorized by their publishers as "criminal justice" and "sociology."  I had a minor in sociology as an undergraduate. Perhaps they are pointing  to dormant passions.

As all of you who have been reading this blog for awhile know, I love cooking, but have never seen it as a career.  I love movies too, but really don't see work in it.  I am allowing myself to just indulge myself in these avocations.  While I love travel, it is a little more challenging to indulge myself there. I do love to write.  If we go back far enough, like when I could first hold a pencil, I have always loved to write.  Maybe that's really the answer to the question of what I'd do if I won the lottery, but alas I have not, and history has taught me that unless one writes the occasional bestseller, writing cost me more than it landed in my bank account.

Along the way, I have confidence that something will spark my passions and make clear to me what the next chapter in life will be.  So, for now, I will be paying close attention to my "What brings me to life?" meter, knowing when I find the passion, I will be good at what it reveals.