40 Days

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, the first day of the Season of Lent. Lent is the Christian tradition of taking the 40 days before Easter for prayer, engaging in spiritual study, fasting, and giving up something that separates us from God for the season.  As those who have been reading my column for a while will know, for me that means that I give up sugar to satisfy the last of those requirements.

Lent is one of many biblical references to the number 40, which some biblical scholars believe to be God's number for times of trial and hardship. Although there are more, some are honored by all three of the Abrahamic traditions. Rain fell on the earth for 40 days and 40 nights in the great flood. Moses spent 40 days in the desert after killing the Egyptian and another 40 days on Mt. Sinah. (For others, see: http://www.gotquestions.org/40-days-Bible.html.)

In the Christian tradition, it is appropriate that Lent is 40 days because before his crucifixion, Jesus was tempted for 40 days and 40 nights, and 40 days also passed between Jesus’ resurrection and his ascension into heaven.  It makes sense that one of the aspects of the holiday is to give up what we are tempted by.  

I find it interesting that biblical scholars consider 40 the number of trial and hardship.  Maybe I am not doing it right, but I find this time to be one of purification or "coming clean." While I am usually fidgety for the first two or three days as I flush out the junk from my system.  I have prepared some detoxifying foods this evening to accelerate that process, and I've done this enough to know that this too will pass.

With three or four days I am noticing that I am much calmer and making healthier choices. While I am very active, I have fought going to the gym in recent years.  On Ash Wednesday instead of heading home at the end of the day, I went down to the gym, and I enjoyed it. Being more disciplined about meditation also contributes to that calm. 

I expect within a week or so, I will feel quite calm and centered. I am more relaxed.  I will move through the world with more ease than any other time of the year.  So, biblical scholars aside, I do not think of this as a hardship at all, and only to the extent that the detoxifying process is a bit of a struggle is Lent a trial for me.  Instead, it feels like coming home.  For that I am grateful.  

Intentions or Resolutions?

We are now several days after most people have made...and many broken...their New Year's Resolutions.  I have been very intentional about not making New Year's Resolutions for many years because of the meaning that intention has for me.  Yet, each year at this time, I do soul-searching about that decision. I was in the final pages of proofing The Game Called Life, a book about living with intention, when the New Year turned over, so the internal debate took on new meaning.

First, I should probably clarify what living with intention means to me.  I believe that our souls chose certain spiritual lessons to learn in this life before we are conceived.  Those spiritual lessons are as much a part of our spiritual DNA as the color of our eyes or skin is to our biological DNA. Although we may not be consciously aware, we know in our hearts what those lessons are. 

When I speak of living with intention, I mean that each of us tunes in and listens to our hearts in a moment-by-moment choice point about what to do.  This process must bypass our brains which are programmed by the culture around us.  Our hearts will never ask for a Mercedes, for instance; those kind of wishes are based on externally-driven mental models.  The heart is about learning the lessons that are the purpose of our lives--those that serve the evolution of humankind. 

By definition, we should be checking in moment-by-moment to ask our hearts what will serve our heart's intentions or what will serve the evolution of humankind.  In that context, January 1 is no different than 5:20 p.m. on September 6, 4:28 a.m. on March 10, or any other moment on any other day of the year.  We are starting over every second.  For that reason, I have been intentional about not making New Year's Resolutions because, when I am being conscious, being intentional about a new start should be something I do hundreds of times every day.  If I fail, I don't wait to January for a new start, I just wait for the next breath.

I am aware that if we write down resolutions (or probably intentions), we dramatically improve the chances that we will keep them.  If we tell someone, we increase our success rate even more, and if we enlist someone to support us in keeping our pledges, odds of achievement are even greater.  That all leaves me pondering, "Shouldn't I be able to live my intentions from a place of consciousness and spiritual commitment?"  Theoretically, I suppose that should be the case.

Yet, over and over again, I slip from my heart's intentions, and, over and over again, I climb back up and refocus.  I tune in and start over.  This year, I have been wondering if I could reduce the amount of slip and slide, if I wrote my intentions down, shared them with someone(s,) and enlisted their help in holding me accountable.

One of the challenges of living with intention instead of setting goals or making resolutions is the complexity involved in tuning in to the heart.  Instead of three or four resolutions, there are literally thousands of combinations in any moment.  Only the heart understands what is the most important one at any given time.  Without the spiritual True North of our hearts, all the conflicting goals are simply a jumble of "shoulds." 

With all that said, I sit here at this moment, knowing that my heart wants me to be more regular about writing, my heart has the intention of creating health which involves exercise, and it also wants me to be more responsible about maintaining relationships.  At least two people are waiting to talk with me and I would like to talk with a third.  Even as all those intentions compete for these few minutes on a Sunday afternoon, I am really tired.  Chronic pain has exhausted me.  I can hardly hold my eyes open.  As I take a deep breath and exhale, while asking for guidance, the answer about what I am to do is clear. 

My mind struggles with how to get that kind of clarity from mental model resolutions, even if they deal with the same activities. Asking for help is key to living with intention.  Even though I've usually written about asking for help with our soul's intentions in the context of asking God for help,  this year I will enlist a couple close friends to help me with some intentions with which I've struggled. (Can we ever have too much help?) I don't know how this will work, but I hope that just having someone who reminds me to be conscious and to ask for help will be what I need.