We are now several days after most people have made...and many broken...their New Year's Resolutions. I have been very intentional about not making New Year's Resolutions for many years because of the meaning that intention has for me. Yet, each year at this time, I do soul-searching about that decision. I was in the final pages of proofing The Game Called Life, a book about living with intention, when the New Year turned over, so the internal debate took on new meaning.
First, I should probably clarify what living with intention means to me. I believe that our souls chose certain spiritual lessons to learn in this life before we are conceived. Those spiritual lessons are as much a part of our spiritual DNA as the color of our eyes or skin is to our biological DNA. Although we may not be consciously aware, we know in our hearts what those lessons are.
When I speak of living with intention, I mean that each of us tunes in and listens to our hearts in a moment-by-moment choice point about what to do. This process must bypass our brains which are programmed by the culture around us. Our hearts will never ask for a Mercedes, for instance; those kind of wishes are based on externally-driven mental models. The heart is about learning the lessons that are the purpose of our lives--those that serve the evolution of humankind.
By definition, we should be checking in moment-by-moment to ask our hearts what will serve our heart's intentions or what will serve the evolution of humankind. In that context, January 1 is no different than 5:20 p.m. on September 6, 4:28 a.m. on March 10, or any other moment on any other day of the year. We are starting over every second. For that reason, I have been intentional about not making New Year's Resolutions because, when I am being conscious, being intentional about a new start should be something I do hundreds of times every day. If I fail, I don't wait to January for a new start, I just wait for the next breath.
I am aware that if we write down resolutions (or probably intentions), we dramatically improve the chances that we will keep them. If we tell someone, we increase our success rate even more, and if we enlist someone to support us in keeping our pledges, odds of achievement are even greater. That all leaves me pondering, "Shouldn't I be able to live my intentions from a place of consciousness and spiritual commitment?" Theoretically, I suppose that should be the case.
Yet, over and over again, I slip from my heart's intentions, and, over and over again, I climb back up and refocus. I tune in and start over. This year, I have been wondering if I could reduce the amount of slip and slide, if I wrote my intentions down, shared them with someone(s,) and enlisted their help in holding me accountable.
One of the challenges of living with intention instead of setting goals or making resolutions is the complexity involved in tuning in to the heart. Instead of three or four resolutions, there are literally thousands of combinations in any moment. Only the heart understands what is the most important one at any given time. Without the spiritual True North of our hearts, all the conflicting goals are simply a jumble of "shoulds."
With all that said, I sit here at this moment, knowing that my heart wants me to be more regular about writing, my heart has the intention of creating health which involves exercise, and it also wants me to be more responsible about maintaining relationships. At least two people are waiting to talk with me and I would like to talk with a third. Even as all those intentions compete for these few minutes on a Sunday afternoon, I am really tired. Chronic pain has exhausted me. I can hardly hold my eyes open. As I take a deep breath and exhale, while asking for guidance, the answer about what I am to do is clear.
My mind struggles with how to get that kind of clarity from mental model resolutions, even if they deal with the same activities. Asking for help is key to living with intention. Even though I've usually written about asking for help with our soul's intentions in the context of asking God for help, this year I will enlist a couple close friends to help me with some intentions with which I've struggled. (Can we ever have too much help?) I don't know how this will work, but I hope that just having someone who reminds me to be conscious and to ask for help will be what I need.
Showing posts with label new years resolutions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new years resolutions. Show all posts
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
A New Year
Happy 2014! I hope your first day was as good as mine was.
I did my new year's meditation and got some simple and clear advice:
-Begin exercising at least 5 times a week. (For years it was 7!)
-Reclaim my writer: be conscious of every opportunity to move out on writing
-Eat the way my body tells me to eat (Did that for years too, but I have slipped during 2013.)
Those intentions are promises I make and will keep: my integrity depends on it. (See yesterday's post.)
So, that was how my year started. I walked 90 minutes in three stints. I ate healthfully. I explored a writing contest and a new job that will involve writing more. I spent quality time with friends, and we all ate healthfully and even took a brisk walk together mid-day. I love this!
I did my new year's meditation and got some simple and clear advice:
-Begin exercising at least 5 times a week. (For years it was 7!)
-Reclaim my writer: be conscious of every opportunity to move out on writing
-Eat the way my body tells me to eat (Did that for years too, but I have slipped during 2013.)
Those intentions are promises I make and will keep: my integrity depends on it. (See yesterday's post.)
So, that was how my year started. I walked 90 minutes in three stints. I ate healthfully. I explored a writing contest and a new job that will involve writing more. I spent quality time with friends, and we all ate healthfully and even took a brisk walk together mid-day. I love this!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Ready for New Beginnings
I stopped making resolutions several years ago: they had almost become a joke. The gym would be packed the first week of January, quite busy the second, and by the third week, things would be pretty much back to normal, exemplifying the seriousness with which most people take their plans for the new year. By March, most people don't even remember what their resolutions even were. I rarely see much resolve in resolutions.
However, I also feel like it is my responsibility to become a more complete person. That isn't the work of a single day or night but of every day of the year. I set intentions--sign posts, if you will, for qualities that I want to bring into my life. Then, daily...or more frequently...I consciously ask myself what I should do that is aligned with all of my intentions. Every action is a choice point that is either aligned with my intentions or isn't.
I find New Year's to be a particularly good time to assess (see yesterday's post) how I am doing and to determine where I will bring more focus to my intentions in the year ahead. I generally take a few hours to meditate on my life on either New Year's Eve or New Year's Day. It was the result of such a meditation last year that brought me the six words that I wrote about yesterday: love, laughter, health, happiness, wealth, and wisdom.
I had been pondering what I should write that would help my readers bring more seriousness to their resolutions or intentions, when I heard a radio interview during my walk yesterday. The interview was with a man named Alex Sheen, who is founder of "Because I said I would." The focus of Sheen's work is that when we make promises, we should keep them. If we promise to quit smoking or lose 20 pounds in the new year, we should treat that as a serious promise. I like that concept.
One of the reasons that I am so meditative about my intentions is because for me they are commitments or promises. In The Game Called Life I wrote a whole chapter about commitment, which is aligned with "Because I said I would." Each day we make commitments, often without thinking about what we are committing to, whether we will keep them, or even what would be involved in keeping them. Many of them slide off into oblivion, like our New Year's resolutions.
Whether you call it a commitment or a promise, our ability to stay in integrity with what we say we will do is about who we are. If I make a promise or a commitment, I should consider it seriously beforehand. What will it require of me to keep the commitment? What will I have to give up in order to keep the commitment? Are there more important commitments that will be set aside in order to keep a less important one?
Keeping a commitment, no matter how small or large, is about our personal integrity. It says, "I am a person who can be counted on to do what I say I will do."
In less than an hour a new year will be upon us, and the new year presents a time for new beginnings. As I assess and reflect on the year ahead, I will look at commitments that I have broken in the year past...yes, even slipping back into sugar...again! I will consider thoughtfully what promises I am making to myself, and then I will set my intentions--promises I will keep--for the year ahead. This year instead of a commitment, I think I will consider the intentions I set as promised I am making to me--promises I want to be counted upon for keeping.
I am ready for new beginnings, but really it is just another day in which I have the opportunity to strengthen my integrity and become a more complete person. Happy New Year!
However, I also feel like it is my responsibility to become a more complete person. That isn't the work of a single day or night but of every day of the year. I set intentions--sign posts, if you will, for qualities that I want to bring into my life. Then, daily...or more frequently...I consciously ask myself what I should do that is aligned with all of my intentions. Every action is a choice point that is either aligned with my intentions or isn't.
I find New Year's to be a particularly good time to assess (see yesterday's post) how I am doing and to determine where I will bring more focus to my intentions in the year ahead. I generally take a few hours to meditate on my life on either New Year's Eve or New Year's Day. It was the result of such a meditation last year that brought me the six words that I wrote about yesterday: love, laughter, health, happiness, wealth, and wisdom.
I had been pondering what I should write that would help my readers bring more seriousness to their resolutions or intentions, when I heard a radio interview during my walk yesterday. The interview was with a man named Alex Sheen, who is founder of "Because I said I would." The focus of Sheen's work is that when we make promises, we should keep them. If we promise to quit smoking or lose 20 pounds in the new year, we should treat that as a serious promise. I like that concept.
One of the reasons that I am so meditative about my intentions is because for me they are commitments or promises. In The Game Called Life I wrote a whole chapter about commitment, which is aligned with "Because I said I would." Each day we make commitments, often without thinking about what we are committing to, whether we will keep them, or even what would be involved in keeping them. Many of them slide off into oblivion, like our New Year's resolutions.
Whether you call it a commitment or a promise, our ability to stay in integrity with what we say we will do is about who we are. If I make a promise or a commitment, I should consider it seriously beforehand. What will it require of me to keep the commitment? What will I have to give up in order to keep the commitment? Are there more important commitments that will be set aside in order to keep a less important one?
Keeping a commitment, no matter how small or large, is about our personal integrity. It says, "I am a person who can be counted on to do what I say I will do."
In less than an hour a new year will be upon us, and the new year presents a time for new beginnings. As I assess and reflect on the year ahead, I will look at commitments that I have broken in the year past...yes, even slipping back into sugar...again! I will consider thoughtfully what promises I am making to myself, and then I will set my intentions--promises I will keep--for the year ahead. This year instead of a commitment, I think I will consider the intentions I set as promised I am making to me--promises I want to be counted upon for keeping.
I am ready for new beginnings, but really it is just another day in which I have the opportunity to strengthen my integrity and become a more complete person. Happy New Year!
Monday, December 30, 2013
Assessment
Tomorrow another year ends. Passed will be another opportunity to learn and grow...another opportunity to be a better, more complete human being. At the same time, another opportunity begins...a time to look at how I can become a better, more complete human being. Standing on the cusp of two years, I assess.
Six words in large black letters are taped to both my home and work computers: my intentions for 2013.
Love Laughter Health Happiness Wealth Wisdom
I quit making resolutions years ago for reasons that I will write about tomorrow. My intentions are those qualities that I want to increase in my life. Resolutions seem to disappear with the wind by the second week of January each year, as attested by attendance in every gym in the country. Intentions, by contrast, are core to our being: they are the spiritual reasons that we came into this world. We can walk away from resolutions, but we fundamentally fail who we are if we turn our backs on intentions.
These six words are qualities that I have had to more or less extent. Some are things that I yearn for, and others are those with which I'd like more comfort.
As I assess the last 12 months, I find that my progress has been unexpected. A friend and I started in January last year taking in stand-up and improv comedy shows. I've also watched some movies with no redeeming social value except that they made me laugh--sometimes really hard. I even rediscovered some classic comedians (Bill Cosby, Bob Newhart, Carol Burnett and her troupe) and valued their gifts yet again. But what I've learned most about "laughter" in the last year is that what I intended wasn't just to laugh but to see humor in the moment. The improv people do that pretty well. Me? Not so much. Yet I assess that understanding the process is a progress. And a year full of laughs can never be wasted.
While I figured going to a stand-up performance in January might be a good start to "laughter," nothing shouted "logical first step" to "wisdom" for me. It took me months to discover that a two-line email back in May would not only propel me forward in "wisdom" but in other qualities as well. The email from my friend Martin Rutte asked me, "Suppose I gave you a magic wand and with that wand you could create the ideal job. What is that job?"
Well, that took me aback. It was the job I had in the late 90s--writing books and articles, coaching executives, and professional speaking, but that wasn't sustainable in more than one way. I pondered, "How could I look at this differently?" My fallback position when presented with a koan is to do what one is supposed to do with a koan: meditate. I took four days in May and meditated on this question. The answer was that it wasn't about a job; it was about the work. I loved using my special gifts in service to others. The short story is that by September I was writing this blog, and by June I had taken on several new coaching clients.
Where's the "wisdom?" I discovered new ways to use my gifts and to be of service. Not only that, but in the process of writing this blog, I've learned a lot about "love," "happiness," "wealth," and even some about "health." Each time I've written a post, I've learned from it. I've had some health challenges this year, but I feel like I've made forward movement. Sometime early next year, I will probably have yet another eye surgery, and then "I will see clearly...." again.
My assessment of 2013? I would like to have made more progress, but I've done a respectable job of growing this year. I hope to do better next year; however, that is only possible because of growth I've experienced this year.
Six words in large black letters are taped to both my home and work computers: my intentions for 2013.
Love Laughter Health Happiness Wealth Wisdom
I quit making resolutions years ago for reasons that I will write about tomorrow. My intentions are those qualities that I want to increase in my life. Resolutions seem to disappear with the wind by the second week of January each year, as attested by attendance in every gym in the country. Intentions, by contrast, are core to our being: they are the spiritual reasons that we came into this world. We can walk away from resolutions, but we fundamentally fail who we are if we turn our backs on intentions.
These six words are qualities that I have had to more or less extent. Some are things that I yearn for, and others are those with which I'd like more comfort.
As I assess the last 12 months, I find that my progress has been unexpected. A friend and I started in January last year taking in stand-up and improv comedy shows. I've also watched some movies with no redeeming social value except that they made me laugh--sometimes really hard. I even rediscovered some classic comedians (Bill Cosby, Bob Newhart, Carol Burnett and her troupe) and valued their gifts yet again. But what I've learned most about "laughter" in the last year is that what I intended wasn't just to laugh but to see humor in the moment. The improv people do that pretty well. Me? Not so much. Yet I assess that understanding the process is a progress. And a year full of laughs can never be wasted.
While I figured going to a stand-up performance in January might be a good start to "laughter," nothing shouted "logical first step" to "wisdom" for me. It took me months to discover that a two-line email back in May would not only propel me forward in "wisdom" but in other qualities as well. The email from my friend Martin Rutte asked me, "Suppose I gave you a magic wand and with that wand you could create the ideal job. What is that job?"
Well, that took me aback. It was the job I had in the late 90s--writing books and articles, coaching executives, and professional speaking, but that wasn't sustainable in more than one way. I pondered, "How could I look at this differently?" My fallback position when presented with a koan is to do what one is supposed to do with a koan: meditate. I took four days in May and meditated on this question. The answer was that it wasn't about a job; it was about the work. I loved using my special gifts in service to others. The short story is that by September I was writing this blog, and by June I had taken on several new coaching clients.
Where's the "wisdom?" I discovered new ways to use my gifts and to be of service. Not only that, but in the process of writing this blog, I've learned a lot about "love," "happiness," "wealth," and even some about "health." Each time I've written a post, I've learned from it. I've had some health challenges this year, but I feel like I've made forward movement. Sometime early next year, I will probably have yet another eye surgery, and then "I will see clearly...." again.
My assessment of 2013? I would like to have made more progress, but I've done a respectable job of growing this year. I hope to do better next year; however, that is only possible because of growth I've experienced this year.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Slippery Slopes
Most of us...probably all of us...have at least one slippery slope in our lives with which we struggle. A slippery slope is the door to an addiction for which opening inevitably leads us over a cliff. I've known for a long time that sugar is a slippery slope for me. As long as I don't touch it at all, I don't think about, but one grain sets off uncontrollable cravings for more.
This afternoon I had a conversation with someone from a client group who talked about what a serious addiction sugar was. We agreed that if there was a sugarholics anonymous, we would both be candidates for membership. Particularly at this time of year, everywhere we looked a homemade goodie tempts us over the edge. Alcohol and drugs are well known addictions, but there are many which are less known and about which we may never had thought. For instance, I am sure housecleaning was one for my mother. For some of my friends, the computer is a slippery slope.
Recently, I realized that my flat-screen TV had become another slippery slope for me. When I realized it, I puzzled for some time: how did this happen to me? When I was growing up, our viewing time was severely limited. As a young adult, several years passed during which I didn't even own a set, and then when I did, I didn't have cable for at least two decades. About two years ago, I was convinced to replace my big hunker ancient TV with a flat screen. It is much more convenient for someone of my diminutive stature than the one that weighed more than I did, and being able to plug into my laptop and watch programs online is very cool.
I can really tell you some of the steps to my semi-addiction (most days about two hours, but weekends definitely more.) When I needed to purchase an internet connection, cable was very little extra. When I had cable, there were many more viewing options. Then, when I had a bicycle accident about 18 months ago and couldn't move around a lot, viewing was effortless. I was tired when I got home from work and it was an easy alternative to reading while keeping my foot propped up. Following eye surgery, I needed to be still, and reading was difficult. TV was effortless.
While those things were happening, I developed relationships with some of those people. The weekly visits were like having old friends come to visit. John Stewart, John Oliver, and Stephen Colbert were funny dinner companions at the end of often humorless days. How I got hooked is about as easy to figure out as identifying a drug addict's gateway drug. However, taking a close look at the slippery slope really surprised me.
I've gained 10 pounds in the last year. Why? Instead of going to walk or workout after work, John and Stephen seduced me, and once the tube was on, that's where I stayed. Pounds weren't all that I'd been accumulating. I went out a few months ago and bought another book shelf to hold all the books that I'd purchased but not read. Instead of reading, which takes a little effort, I could be totally passive with the TV. Turning on the power to that flat-screened seductress is my slippery slope: I know the instant it happens, the likelihood of skipping exercise and reading increases dramatically.
When I coach people trying to change habits, I encourage them to "scratch the record" on the behavior. For those who aren't old enough to know what that means, in the days of vinyl records (and before that, tin, wax, and shellac) if something scratched the record, hence forth and ever more, when that record was played when the needle got to the scratch it would jump--over and over and over. When a record is scratched, the scratch cannot be ignored.
Metaphorically, scratching a record on a habit is something similar. We identify something to help us avoid the slippery slope or at least stop it before going over the edge. During the December sugar season at work, I skip the open houses or go late enough that the goodies are gone. I walk the long way to the printer so I don't have to walk by the table of sweets.
At home, I skip the glass of red wine that I enjoy with dinner but I know reduces my will power, will almost certainly lead to dessert, and continue to trigger sugar cravings all evening. Having iced tea instead keeps me from going over the edge...most of the time. Walking to a Metro stop that is farther away than the one around the corner ensures that I will get my exercise before I get home and turn on the TV. The minute that John Stewart finishes interviewing his guest, if I turn off the TV, I am more likely to do something more energizing. This evening I called a friend, I'm writing this blog before bedtime, and I will probably even have time to read for a bit before falling to sleep.
Recognizing slippery slopes and scratching the record on them is essential to living with intention. When I identify new behaviors that help me live the life I want to live instead of one borne of habit, I am laying the groundwork for intention. If I can stop the things that stand in my way of living my life, nothing can stop me from creating it.
This afternoon I had a conversation with someone from a client group who talked about what a serious addiction sugar was. We agreed that if there was a sugarholics anonymous, we would both be candidates for membership. Particularly at this time of year, everywhere we looked a homemade goodie tempts us over the edge. Alcohol and drugs are well known addictions, but there are many which are less known and about which we may never had thought. For instance, I am sure housecleaning was one for my mother. For some of my friends, the computer is a slippery slope.
Recently, I realized that my flat-screen TV had become another slippery slope for me. When I realized it, I puzzled for some time: how did this happen to me? When I was growing up, our viewing time was severely limited. As a young adult, several years passed during which I didn't even own a set, and then when I did, I didn't have cable for at least two decades. About two years ago, I was convinced to replace my big hunker ancient TV with a flat screen. It is much more convenient for someone of my diminutive stature than the one that weighed more than I did, and being able to plug into my laptop and watch programs online is very cool.
I can really tell you some of the steps to my semi-addiction (most days about two hours, but weekends definitely more.) When I needed to purchase an internet connection, cable was very little extra. When I had cable, there were many more viewing options. Then, when I had a bicycle accident about 18 months ago and couldn't move around a lot, viewing was effortless. I was tired when I got home from work and it was an easy alternative to reading while keeping my foot propped up. Following eye surgery, I needed to be still, and reading was difficult. TV was effortless.
While those things were happening, I developed relationships with some of those people. The weekly visits were like having old friends come to visit. John Stewart, John Oliver, and Stephen Colbert were funny dinner companions at the end of often humorless days. How I got hooked is about as easy to figure out as identifying a drug addict's gateway drug. However, taking a close look at the slippery slope really surprised me.
I've gained 10 pounds in the last year. Why? Instead of going to walk or workout after work, John and Stephen seduced me, and once the tube was on, that's where I stayed. Pounds weren't all that I'd been accumulating. I went out a few months ago and bought another book shelf to hold all the books that I'd purchased but not read. Instead of reading, which takes a little effort, I could be totally passive with the TV. Turning on the power to that flat-screened seductress is my slippery slope: I know the instant it happens, the likelihood of skipping exercise and reading increases dramatically.
When I coach people trying to change habits, I encourage them to "scratch the record" on the behavior. For those who aren't old enough to know what that means, in the days of vinyl records (and before that, tin, wax, and shellac) if something scratched the record, hence forth and ever more, when that record was played when the needle got to the scratch it would jump--over and over and over. When a record is scratched, the scratch cannot be ignored.
Metaphorically, scratching a record on a habit is something similar. We identify something to help us avoid the slippery slope or at least stop it before going over the edge. During the December sugar season at work, I skip the open houses or go late enough that the goodies are gone. I walk the long way to the printer so I don't have to walk by the table of sweets.
At home, I skip the glass of red wine that I enjoy with dinner but I know reduces my will power, will almost certainly lead to dessert, and continue to trigger sugar cravings all evening. Having iced tea instead keeps me from going over the edge...most of the time. Walking to a Metro stop that is farther away than the one around the corner ensures that I will get my exercise before I get home and turn on the TV. The minute that John Stewart finishes interviewing his guest, if I turn off the TV, I am more likely to do something more energizing. This evening I called a friend, I'm writing this blog before bedtime, and I will probably even have time to read for a bit before falling to sleep.
Recognizing slippery slopes and scratching the record on them is essential to living with intention. When I identify new behaviors that help me live the life I want to live instead of one borne of habit, I am laying the groundwork for intention. If I can stop the things that stand in my way of living my life, nothing can stop me from creating it.
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