This year was the third during which I participated in Seder at Passover, so while I am beginning to be more familiar with ritual celebration, I am still deeply in learning mode. For me that learning inevitably brings reflection on meaning. Last night I noticed aspects that I had missed when I was totally new to the experience.
For those who have not participated in a Seder before, there are certain foods of which we partake to remind us of the flight of the enslaved Jewish people from Egypt. (See "Seder" 4/14/14). For example, unleavened bread is eaten as a reminder that the Jews fled so quickly that there was no time to make, rise, and bake bread.
Last night the message that caught special attention for me was that of the mixture and often juxtaposition of bitterness and sweetness in life. Symbolically, we ate a mixture of bitter herbs (horseradish) and a most wonderful sweet mixture of apples, honey, cinnamon, and walnuts, called charoset.
What really grabbed me is that when a circumstance is generally negative, I often forget to look beyond the bitter to notice the sweet. When I focus on the bitter and ignore the sweet, I rob myself of life sweetness. The nature of my work as an organization development (OD) consultant in my current role is to deal with troubled workplace environments, and I have often forgotten what is working well. (Not all OD is like this!)
Even more remarkable to me is that, as odd as it may seem, the mixture of the sweet and bitter produced its own unique and pleasant flavor. I think for much of my life I was unduly focused only on the positives in life. Now I have swung a bit more in the opposite direction. In either scenario I limit the complex and interesting "flavor" that the combination creates.
In the future I will make it my intention to accept the bitter with grace, look for the sweet with more deliberation, and embrace the richness that the combination brings to my life.
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Showing posts with label change habits. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change habits. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Slippery Slopes
Most of us...probably all of us...have at least one slippery slope in our lives with which we struggle. A slippery slope is the door to an addiction for which opening inevitably leads us over a cliff. I've known for a long time that sugar is a slippery slope for me. As long as I don't touch it at all, I don't think about, but one grain sets off uncontrollable cravings for more.
This afternoon I had a conversation with someone from a client group who talked about what a serious addiction sugar was. We agreed that if there was a sugarholics anonymous, we would both be candidates for membership. Particularly at this time of year, everywhere we looked a homemade goodie tempts us over the edge. Alcohol and drugs are well known addictions, but there are many which are less known and about which we may never had thought. For instance, I am sure housecleaning was one for my mother. For some of my friends, the computer is a slippery slope.
Recently, I realized that my flat-screen TV had become another slippery slope for me. When I realized it, I puzzled for some time: how did this happen to me? When I was growing up, our viewing time was severely limited. As a young adult, several years passed during which I didn't even own a set, and then when I did, I didn't have cable for at least two decades. About two years ago, I was convinced to replace my big hunker ancient TV with a flat screen. It is much more convenient for someone of my diminutive stature than the one that weighed more than I did, and being able to plug into my laptop and watch programs online is very cool.
I can really tell you some of the steps to my semi-addiction (most days about two hours, but weekends definitely more.) When I needed to purchase an internet connection, cable was very little extra. When I had cable, there were many more viewing options. Then, when I had a bicycle accident about 18 months ago and couldn't move around a lot, viewing was effortless. I was tired when I got home from work and it was an easy alternative to reading while keeping my foot propped up. Following eye surgery, I needed to be still, and reading was difficult. TV was effortless.
While those things were happening, I developed relationships with some of those people. The weekly visits were like having old friends come to visit. John Stewart, John Oliver, and Stephen Colbert were funny dinner companions at the end of often humorless days. How I got hooked is about as easy to figure out as identifying a drug addict's gateway drug. However, taking a close look at the slippery slope really surprised me.
I've gained 10 pounds in the last year. Why? Instead of going to walk or workout after work, John and Stephen seduced me, and once the tube was on, that's where I stayed. Pounds weren't all that I'd been accumulating. I went out a few months ago and bought another book shelf to hold all the books that I'd purchased but not read. Instead of reading, which takes a little effort, I could be totally passive with the TV. Turning on the power to that flat-screened seductress is my slippery slope: I know the instant it happens, the likelihood of skipping exercise and reading increases dramatically.
When I coach people trying to change habits, I encourage them to "scratch the record" on the behavior. For those who aren't old enough to know what that means, in the days of vinyl records (and before that, tin, wax, and shellac) if something scratched the record, hence forth and ever more, when that record was played when the needle got to the scratch it would jump--over and over and over. When a record is scratched, the scratch cannot be ignored.
Metaphorically, scratching a record on a habit is something similar. We identify something to help us avoid the slippery slope or at least stop it before going over the edge. During the December sugar season at work, I skip the open houses or go late enough that the goodies are gone. I walk the long way to the printer so I don't have to walk by the table of sweets.
At home, I skip the glass of red wine that I enjoy with dinner but I know reduces my will power, will almost certainly lead to dessert, and continue to trigger sugar cravings all evening. Having iced tea instead keeps me from going over the edge...most of the time. Walking to a Metro stop that is farther away than the one around the corner ensures that I will get my exercise before I get home and turn on the TV. The minute that John Stewart finishes interviewing his guest, if I turn off the TV, I am more likely to do something more energizing. This evening I called a friend, I'm writing this blog before bedtime, and I will probably even have time to read for a bit before falling to sleep.
Recognizing slippery slopes and scratching the record on them is essential to living with intention. When I identify new behaviors that help me live the life I want to live instead of one borne of habit, I am laying the groundwork for intention. If I can stop the things that stand in my way of living my life, nothing can stop me from creating it.
This afternoon I had a conversation with someone from a client group who talked about what a serious addiction sugar was. We agreed that if there was a sugarholics anonymous, we would both be candidates for membership. Particularly at this time of year, everywhere we looked a homemade goodie tempts us over the edge. Alcohol and drugs are well known addictions, but there are many which are less known and about which we may never had thought. For instance, I am sure housecleaning was one for my mother. For some of my friends, the computer is a slippery slope.
Recently, I realized that my flat-screen TV had become another slippery slope for me. When I realized it, I puzzled for some time: how did this happen to me? When I was growing up, our viewing time was severely limited. As a young adult, several years passed during which I didn't even own a set, and then when I did, I didn't have cable for at least two decades. About two years ago, I was convinced to replace my big hunker ancient TV with a flat screen. It is much more convenient for someone of my diminutive stature than the one that weighed more than I did, and being able to plug into my laptop and watch programs online is very cool.
I can really tell you some of the steps to my semi-addiction (most days about two hours, but weekends definitely more.) When I needed to purchase an internet connection, cable was very little extra. When I had cable, there were many more viewing options. Then, when I had a bicycle accident about 18 months ago and couldn't move around a lot, viewing was effortless. I was tired when I got home from work and it was an easy alternative to reading while keeping my foot propped up. Following eye surgery, I needed to be still, and reading was difficult. TV was effortless.
While those things were happening, I developed relationships with some of those people. The weekly visits were like having old friends come to visit. John Stewart, John Oliver, and Stephen Colbert were funny dinner companions at the end of often humorless days. How I got hooked is about as easy to figure out as identifying a drug addict's gateway drug. However, taking a close look at the slippery slope really surprised me.
I've gained 10 pounds in the last year. Why? Instead of going to walk or workout after work, John and Stephen seduced me, and once the tube was on, that's where I stayed. Pounds weren't all that I'd been accumulating. I went out a few months ago and bought another book shelf to hold all the books that I'd purchased but not read. Instead of reading, which takes a little effort, I could be totally passive with the TV. Turning on the power to that flat-screened seductress is my slippery slope: I know the instant it happens, the likelihood of skipping exercise and reading increases dramatically.
When I coach people trying to change habits, I encourage them to "scratch the record" on the behavior. For those who aren't old enough to know what that means, in the days of vinyl records (and before that, tin, wax, and shellac) if something scratched the record, hence forth and ever more, when that record was played when the needle got to the scratch it would jump--over and over and over. When a record is scratched, the scratch cannot be ignored.
Metaphorically, scratching a record on a habit is something similar. We identify something to help us avoid the slippery slope or at least stop it before going over the edge. During the December sugar season at work, I skip the open houses or go late enough that the goodies are gone. I walk the long way to the printer so I don't have to walk by the table of sweets.
At home, I skip the glass of red wine that I enjoy with dinner but I know reduces my will power, will almost certainly lead to dessert, and continue to trigger sugar cravings all evening. Having iced tea instead keeps me from going over the edge...most of the time. Walking to a Metro stop that is farther away than the one around the corner ensures that I will get my exercise before I get home and turn on the TV. The minute that John Stewart finishes interviewing his guest, if I turn off the TV, I am more likely to do something more energizing. This evening I called a friend, I'm writing this blog before bedtime, and I will probably even have time to read for a bit before falling to sleep.
Recognizing slippery slopes and scratching the record on them is essential to living with intention. When I identify new behaviors that help me live the life I want to live instead of one borne of habit, I am laying the groundwork for intention. If I can stop the things that stand in my way of living my life, nothing can stop me from creating it.
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