1 Fish, 2 Fish, Little Fish, Big Fish

I began writing this blog in October of 2013.  Even on days that I didn't know what it was going to be when I sat down, the words have always come.  At the first of this year, I committed to writing at least 15 minutes each day, and I have reported for duty as promised. The words have been flowing easily every evening...until for the first time last night, the words were not there.

What was the block to my words?  The only other time that I have had complete writer's block was for two weeks prior to writing the first draft of Leading from the Heart.  I had blocked off two months, and then, like now, the words had always been there.  Except they weren't there that day...or the next...or the next.  I prayed. I meditated.  I saw my therapist three times in a week.  I can't say what the block was or what ended it, but suddenly one day, I got up from my meditation, went to the computer, and the words moved through me so fast that I could hardly keep up. They kept coming until the draft was complete.

I said that I would show up every day and write for 15 minutes; I didn't say I would post every day. I wrote...and wrote...and it was all garbage. I spared you. I went to bed disappointed in myself and sad that I may have let down my readers.

Magic worked in my sleep.

Regular readers will recall that I had been in something of a dream desert for the last few years, but since entering my transition and getting a full night's sleep almost every night, the dreams have been back, richly and generously.  Almost every night I have remembered at least one dream; most mornings it has been several.  One morning I couldn't remember until I sat to meditate, and then I started recalling details, which eventually flowed together.  I believe adequate sleep is part of the answer, but I am also confident that the respect that I've been showing the dreams is also a big piece.

Each morning immediately on waking I write whatever I recall, and, as I do, I usually remember more. The volume has been as many as six dreams in a night.  This morning I only recollected two but in great detail.  I wrote three 8-1/2 x 11-inch pages about the two dreams.  Then I go through and note the symbolism of different aspects of the dream.  Finally, I journal what the message was to me and what I plan to do about it.  The Universe should have no doubt that I am listening.

Over several days, I've received messages that change is occurring now or soon.  That shouldn't be a surprise, I am in a conscious period of transition. One of this morning's dreams made clear that I will be going in a totally different direction.  Also not a huge leap since I've felt so burned out from my consulting work within the government.

The other persistent theme, which came in spades this morning after last night's block, was the need for more meditation, usually symbolized in dreams by fish.  In this dream, I was claiming a message and reached over to buy a very small fish--very small.  Get this, I'm trying to get messages, but only putting in a small time for meditation to receive them.

Then I was invited to dinner with someone I met at the message center.  He fed me fish that were many times larger that the very small fish I had purchased.  Finally, he and a wise old woman invited me for dinner again, and this time she fed me fish that were several times larger than the ones he had fed me.

I would have to be really dense not to get the message here.  I need to meditate more.

I am taking a class that demands a lot of time, and I've been trying to get most of the work done in the first 2-1/2 days of the week so that I would have uninterrupted time for the rest of the week. To accomplish that, last night I worked until after midnight.  I think that maybe part of the message here is to start my day by asking what I should do, and that might mean stretching the work over several more days.

If that doesn't work, I'll try something else.  I am certain that after having had writer's block for only the second time in my life last night that I will listen more often and more intently.

Dreams

I've long felt that the dreams we have while sleeping are memories from "soul school"--where we go at night to learn lessons to use in waking lives.  For years, I captured my dreams on waking, and then immediately afterward, I would journal about them.  Rarely did a day pass that I didn't find useful insight from "dream school."

A key component of the Intentional Living Intensives that I used to facilitate with coaching clients was work with their dreams.  Most were busy executives or professionals, and when we started, most would say they didn't dream.  I had a process that I used to bring dreams forward, and I would just ask them to follow the process.  Every time the client started remembering dreams on the first night. By the end of our three days together, some were remembering as many as six, which we then used for our intention work during the day.

I believe that acknowledging and using our dreams is key to remembering them.  They are a gift, and when they are treated as a sacred gift, we get more.  If we shun them, gifts pushed away stop coming to us. Because my clients were actively using their dreams, an abundance of dreams were available to them.

A few years ago I either stopped having or stopped remembering my dreams.  When I am being honest, I had become like my Intensive clients before their retreats.  I was so busy that if I remembered any of them, it was just gibbets, and because I always seem to race through life, I didn't make time to write down what I did recall.  Over time I stopped remembering them at all except for an occasional one on a vacation, when I did record them.

When I embarked on this week's retreat, I had two intentions.  Since I am cleaning out and thinking about this new nine-year cycle, one was that I wanted insight about what I should be dreaming about--what I want--in these next years. I've shared a number insights which I got during my retreat. However, as I put the retreat behind me, I was little disappointed that I'd not received any insights about the direction for my metaphorical hopes and dreams.

Then, this morning, I "got it."  The Universe is very precise about our requests.  When I created my intention, I had metaphorical dreams in mind.  The Universe took me very literally. The third night of my retreat I had, and remembered, at least one dream from my sleep. I recorded it in my dream journal and then wrote about it. This morning I recalled three related dreams from last night.  They were much more complex and insightful. The gift of just one dream appreciated has been reciprocated with more dreams.

After finishing my dream journal, I meditated on the dreams and the day ahead.  Only in that meditation did I realize that I had asked for metaphorical dreams as an intention for my retreat; the Universe sent literal dreams. I literally laughed out loud.

In my case, that's a very good thing.  My dreams have been rich sources of insight over many years and I couldn't be more grateful if someone handed me a check for a million dollars.  Really!

I expect that when I start working my nighttime dreams regularly again, I will probably get insights on what to dream about metaphorically for this new cycle of life.

Lessons learned: be exact in what I ask for and be grateful when the Universe responds literally.