Back in the Groove Again

I just finished my first tango class is almost 10 months. Wow! Was that ever tedious for a bit? I started with an intermediate class. Even though I'd been doing tango weekly for two years before, it felt like the hard drive between my ears had been totally erased as I danced with the first couple partners.

Then, magically, when it was my turn to dance with the instructor, it all came back almost in an instant. Now anyone who has danced with a professional knows that he/she can make even a rank beginner feel competent. But this was more than that: I was getting my groove back. Once I felt how my body was supposed to feel, I couldn't imagine how I hadn't been able to remember even minutes before. I had dusted off my muscle memory, and suddenly everything felt right.

Earlier this week I went back to the gym for the first time in several months. Our work gym had been being remodeled, and although I did some easy weights and floor exercises at home, mostly I'd been depending in my normal life aerobic activity to keep in shape. Much like the tango class, getting into the routine was stilted at first, but soon it began to flow.

I've also recently gotten back to a more regular meditation routine. I'm not sure when that began to slide, but it was like coming home to spend a few minutes in stillness each day before work.

Those of you who are regular readers have noticed that after slipping during some very long work hours during the spring, I've been getting the writing habit back. Not unlike the tango class and the gym, the first post or two felt laborious and forced, but by yesterday it was flowing. For me, the biggest difference has been my attention to the little things in life that have suggested themselves to me as subjects for a post when my intention to get back to writing has been clear. For several months, I'd been so nose down that I'd just sleepwalked through those inspirations. Writing is both centering and energizing to me. I am glad it is back, or I am back, or both.

The tango, the gym, the meditation, and the writing are all important parts of keeping me in balance, and what each of these resets has taught me is that, when I find my groove, body, mind, and spirit collaborate to shout to me: "This us where you should be."

As I've gotten these aspects of my life in balance, I've also started sleeping better, remembering my dreams, and this morning awakening with a creative inspiration that is quite exciting. It is almost as if our personal spiritual programs knows when we are where we should be and cheers us on. How did I lose touch with that core of my being? I do not know, but I am glad I am back in the groove again.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Finding Kay

This is the second weekend this year that I've designated for working on my memoir.    At a writer's conference I once heard a woman, who is a much more financially successful author than I am, say that when she was starting to write a book that she had to clean the oven.  I've been restless today.  It happens every time I write a book.  Because I write from my heart and of the heart, I have to really be aligned with who I am: I have to find Kay.

Finding oneself may simultaneously be the easiest and most difficult things any of us ever does.  I find it particularly challenging in my current life because so much of what I need to do to survive is very unnatural to me. (Get up at 5 a.m.)  Clearly, what I do to survive are the very things that get in the way of me thriving. But surviving is important.  With our wind-chill of 20 degrees today, I am glad that I've done some of those unnatural things to have a warm place to live and food in my belly.

But before I can write, I have to get back to that place of thriving.  For me, that means listening to my natural rhythms and doing the things for which I have passion.  I go to sleep when I am tired...usually very late.  I sleep until I wake...almost always later than most mature adults would think acceptable. I do what I my inner knowing directs.  Today that meant a lingering bath and facial, followed by enjoying our beautiful sunny day with a brisk walk into Cleveland Park to the post office.  I love to cook (and fortunately I also love to be active,) and I listened to Splendid Table while making sun-dried tomato jam to accompany a risotto dish I will make for one of my adopted families next weekend. I felt like capturing these thoughts for the blog. Now, I am feeling like a nap.

What I notice about those days during which I listen to my natural rhythms is that I give much more attention to what is working in my life and that leads to much more appreciation for what I have.  I noticed how much I am grateful that I can go for a brisk walk and how I appreciate being a 15- to 20-minute walk from most places I need to go, so I don't have to depend on a car. After too much time this week in offices and at computers, I loved moving.

I was pleased that I could go to the grocery store and purchase the ingredients for things I wanted to cook. Then, I delighted in using my kitchen, which was renovated in the last year and is full of things that remind me of time over food in Italy.  From time to time, I have gazed out my living room window and felt satisfaction as I looked over the leafless trees in the park silhouetted against the cobalt-blue sky.

I've breathed more deeply and exhaled more regularly.  I notice my body and how comfortable I am in it (although I would love to shed 6 more of my holiday pounds.)  Unlike much of the time when I feel like I couldn't satisfy all the things others expect of me, today I am perfect in who I am:  I don't need to be more or less.  I just am.

Whenever I find Kay, I frequently have passing thoughts about how I lose her...again and again.  Today I had the same question, but today it doesn't really matter.  Today I found Kay, and her muse will inevitably follow.