Gratitude

Gratitude has been on my heart lately.  A friend sent me an article today on gratitude. In the email exchange that followed, I was reminded for the 1000th or 10,000th time that, whenever my life is off kilter, one thing will instantly begin to right the ship: renewing my gratitude practice.

Gratitude practice.  Something I do, over and over again so that I get better at it.  In those off-kilter periods, it is easy to be dragged into what isn't working in my life.  Gratitude turns that all around.  Gratitude implies that I focus on what is working.  Soon I notice that more and more is working.  This is the part I really don't understand: why do I stop?  Or even, when do I stop?  I don't usually realize that I've stopped until things are off-kilter.  Then I have a palm-against-the head "Duh!" moment: I had stopped practicing gratitude.

Almost 20 years ago now, I received an act of pure grace--a gift that we receive (often attributed to God or Higher Power) that we didn't ask for.  It just shows up.  Writer Scott Peck used to say that grace was like grits in the south.  Before the homogenization of food by chains across the country, travelers through the south would receive grits on their plates three meals a day--they were just added to every plate.  I remember receiving my unordered grits as child from the north.  First question: what in the world is that?  Then: I didn't order that!  To which the incredulous waitress in starched yellow and white gingham said, "Everyone gets grits, but we don't charge for them."  That is grace.  A gift that we didn't ask for, just shows up, and doesn't cost anything.

Anyway, about my act of grace.  I'd bumped into a friend in a parking lot.  She told me about a weekend seminar that she'd attended on gratitude.  I was curious.  She reached into her car and pulled out a packaged set of cassette tapes.  (I did say this was 20 years ago.)  She told me to listen to them.  Knowing I was at a transition in my life, she wished for me a breakthrough similar to the one she'd had.

Less than a day later, I was awakened in the most excruciating pain I could imagine.  It was the start of a six-week battle with a raging infection that would eventually cause my neck to break.  I literally couldn't get out of bed.  Throughout the whole six weeks, my small boom box sat on my bed. (Did I say it was 20 years ago?)  I'd pop in a tape, push the start button, and almost as soon as the tape started, I'd doze off until the end of the tape would pop, signaling that is was finished and waking just long enough to start the cycle again.

I have no idea how many times I heard those tapes, but over and again, I'd turn the tape, push start, and fade away.  On a subliminal level though, the messages were sinking in.  There were three keys that the speaker described that, if done for 30 days, promised to transform the listener's life:

1. Don't complain...about anything...for 30 days.  (It's rainy today: a complaint.  It's warm in here: a complaint.  Couldn't that waiter give us better service: a complaint.) NONE for 30 days.  Whew!  That was a big one.
2. Record and count the "gifts" you receive every day.  (Someone lets me in front of them in traffic: a gift.  Someone opens the door: a gift.  The letter carrier hands me my mail before finishing putting other mail in mail slots: a gift.)
3. Finally, record and count the "gifts" that you give every day. (Same as above except in reverse: letting someone in front in traffic, opening a door, leaving the barista a tip, etc.)

Easy as that. Oh, one more thing, if you complain at any point, even Day 29, you have to start the 30 days over again.  I've always had to start over at least once.

So there I lay, in excruciating pain and unable to move out of bed.  But, I wanted to try it.  I pulled out my journal.  How could I get through this pain and communicate with my doctors without complaining?  How could I give gifts when I could hardly move?  I tried, though, and I started over several times. This is the practice that I embark on anew whenever my life is out of sorts.  For years, and several times each year, I practice. An amazing phenomenon occurs every time:  I have never been able to give more gifts than I've received in any day.  Even on days when I set out to do nothing but give gifts, at the end of the day, I'd received more.  Give 10: get 20.  Give 20: get 50...and so on. Never fails!

One creation myth is that God created humans because she/he couldn't be happy without someone to give gifts to.  We were created to receive gifts.  Our reason for being is to receive gifts. Gratitude is the practice of focusing our attention on the gift of receiving.  That's what I know in my heart today!


NOTE: I believe in giving credit where it is due, but I truly don't remember the speaker on the tapes, but if any of you do, please let me know.  I'd love to publish it.