Friendship

I am taking a course in the Psychology of Happiness, and as homework I've just spent several hours reading about and reflecting on "friendship."  It seems that having one good friend with whom we can share confidences or inner feelings is essential to happiness.  The value of friendship is in quality and not quantity, so if we have 20 friends but none with whom we can share our innermost thoughts, they are of less value than one with whom we can share.  And, that one: will not only make us happier, but healthier as well.

While reading Aristotle on the nature of friendship is not exactly the light reading I might prefer for a Saturday afternoon, the ancient philosopher does raise a lot of questions about the true nature of friendship.  Are we friends because of something we get from a person?  Aristotle calls that "utility," and he professes that is not friendship but "profit."  He also describes friendship of "duty," and friendship that is really love to gain love in return.

What has interested me most in his intellectual/philosophical meanderings is the description of a friendship of pure delight in each other's company, where we love without concern of being loved in return.  Now, that's what I call friendship.  In my experience such friendships are rare to be preciously tended.

Forty years ago, give or take, I walked into a room in an aging dormitory building to meet a new roommate.  In less than 30 minutes time, I was certain we would be friends for life, and so far, I have been correct. We have gone long periods without seeing each other face to face, but usually talking at least once or twice a year.  Always, we seem to pick up just where we left off.

It never occurred to me to be concerned that I would get anything from the relationship but pure delight.  Each time we are together that is exactly what I feel--pure delight.

Last weekend she and I met for the weekend in New York City.  We tromped all over Manhattan, taking on the mysteries of the New York subway system and seeing as many sites as we could take in during two days.  I even walked 12 blocks once, just to end up almost from where I departed. Despite bitter cold and an unexpectedly early snowstorm, we embraced the city with gusto, talking for hours on end into the night.  The years peeled away, and we were 20 again. Well, except for some gray hair and a few lines.

I still have lots of Aristotle to plow through, but so far I've read nothing to suggest that he really got that instant relationship that "clicks" for a lifetime.  Having had such a friendship is a gift of my lifetime.  What a blessing that such a miracle crossed through my life, and I had the wisdom and dexterity to grab it.