Bisy Backson

My course reading for yesterday included Benjamin Hoff's the Tao of Pooh.  When I picked the book up after class, I was on the chapter, "Bisy Backson."  Bisy Backson is a character named for the expression, "Busy--Back Soon."  Bisy, it seems, frenetically dashes through life, first in one direction and then another.  When Bisy exercises, the intent is to force fitness, as opposed to allowing it to develop naturally from the inside.  Bisy reminded me a lot of myself.

Thirty years ago a friend described me as being like a mosquito on speed.  He could have as easily described me a Bisy Backson.  For 15 of those 30 years, I mellowed out, mindfully and joyfully going through life.  What happened?  Life is part of it.  Part of it is having an employer instead of being self-employed, but those years have also occurred in a time when employers behave as if they own the people who work for them instead of renting them for 8-9 hours a day.  In my world, you haven't done anything special until you've put in 12 hours a day, and even then, it must be persistent.  (What have you done for me lately?)

Still another part is living in a larger city, which I love for many things it has to offer, but also fully recognize life in the city is much faster paced. There's so much to do, and I want to make up for all those years living in small cities and do it all. Finally, our devices keep us connected and multi-tasking 24x7.  (Understand that I would not want to give up my devices either.)

My class yesterday really heightened my awareness of how the level of mindfulness that used to pervade me had evaporated.  Through the late afternoon and evening, I was increasingly aware of my racing about.  I even noticed the tension in my shoulders as I brushed my teeth, as if the two minutes on my brush timer would go any faster if I was tense than if I just relaxed and enjoyed it.

The three scripture readings in church this morning, one from the Old Testament book of 2 Samuel, one from the epistles of the New Testament, and the third from the Gospel of Mark, all had to do with God being at home in us.  The Assistant Rector's comments addressed the need for us to provide an appropriate "home" for God within us.

Oy! OMG! Eek!  I experienced physical pain in my heart when I thought about God being in me, and I really believe that God does dwell in each of us.  I wouldn't think of having guests in my bricks and mortar home with such chaos.  I go out of my way to have peace and order--to provide a warm and welcoming place of refuge for my guests from such freneticism.  I prepare favorite foods or pick up special treats.  I want my guests to feel how special they are to me.

Yet, I clearly am not making nearly so fostering environment for God as I make for my human friends.  The visual that came to my mind was that God would be trying like crazy to escape my body.  When I thought what it would be like to be trapped in my body, I imagined God being thrashed about in several directions as I chaotically went one way and then the other, constrained by the tension in my body and hardly taking time to breathe--literally.

Why would God want to be at home in my body? Could this be why, after feeling God's presence so intently for so long, that I've frequently felt so disconnected in the last dozen years?  I want to put Bisy Backson to rest, but that allows me to get off without being accountable. Bisy needs nurturing of the kind that I've been unwilling to give myself. To put Bisy to rest allows me to continue mindlessly thrashing about with the consciousness of Bisy put out to pasture. Can I even find it in me anymore to mindfully love the person who lovingly builds a safe, sane and tranquil refuge for God in me?

Even though I am only a day into the class, it seems to me that the Seven Habits of Happiness are so inter-related that doing one really well will accomplish doing them all.