Whatever Is Going On With Me?

There was a time when television shows started new seasons a week or two after Labor Day in September, and the season ended in late spring.  We'd get "reshows" all summer, which wasn't so bad because who wants to be in watching TV in the summer, and then the cycle would start over again. We developed long-term relationships with characters; they could be almost like family.

I am not exactly sure when that began to change because I didn't have TV reception for many years, and when getting cable cost me almost nothing when I subscribed to internet service, I went many more years before I started watching again.  In recent years there seem to be two patterns of TV series.  One at least nods to the old pattern, where the season is now-later fall, ending in now-earlier spring, but anytime we have holidays or big events on other channels (World Series, the Oscars, the Grammys,) we get reruns.  Sometimes for no apparent reason the program will go into reruns or go completely dark for a few weeks.

The second pattern, which seems to be increasingly common, is a six- to eight-week set of shows, followed by a 44- to 46-week wait for the next bundle of new programming.  Occasionally, the programs will have two little bundles a year with long waits in between.

Since my job has now rendered me pretty useless from exhaustion in the evenings, and I have discovered the "on demand" feature so I can watch programs that are on after my bedtime, I find that I watch way too much TV.  I have, however, discovered some high-quality programs when I am willing to sort through all the junk that poorly imitates art. Because some of these bundles come and go very quickly and often with no apparent rhythm to me, I have began searching the web for announcements of new season dates.  One such program that I discovered in its bundle last year is "Finding Your Roots."

"Finding Your Roots" is the brainchild of host Henry Louis Gates, Jr., the African-American Harvard professor who made headlines a few years ago when he was arrested for breaking into his own home when he got locked out.  Besides being a Harvard professor, Gates is an Emmy Award winning documentarian, literary critic, and book award winner. In "Finding Your Roots" Gates hosts two to three prominent individuals, often from the same genre--artists one week, politicians another, talk-show hosts still another.

During the program he explores the ancestry of each guest--good, bad, and ugly.  You had a slave owner in the background, it will come out.  You have direct lineage to Abraham or Charlemagne, he will share it. You had a relative who managed to survive pogroms in the Ukraine or Russia or concentration camps, we learn about it.

I am not sure why I have found the program so compelling because, except for my American Indian great grandmother, I've had almost no interest in my own personal ancestry.  My interest had been mildly tweaked, and I've found particularly interesting how the DNA testing process can actually link by name long lost cousins.

Crossing the trajectory of this "season" of "Finding Your Roots" has been the introduction by a friend to me of the "Outlander" series, which is set in 18th Century Scotland. While I have been led to believe that on both sides of my family that I am mostly Scottish and Irish, my interest in learning more has been yawning until the last two or three weeks.  Suddenly, I am intrigued to learn more about those ancestors who came to the colonies long before they thought of becoming a country.  As I see some of their trials, I want to know more.  Although I've always been interested in history, I don't think I've ever had any exposure to the history of that region, and I want to learn about it.

Beyond my ancestry and the interweaving of together of different TV programs, what I am really feeling particularly compelling about the whole set of circumstances is that it feels like the Universe has conspired to get me passionate about something in which I had absolutely no interest until just a few weeks ago.  Similar things have happened before when I feel bombarded by information about something that I knew nothing about previously.

Noticing is important.  In order to live the life of spiritual intention, we have to notice, pay attention, and follow the threads that are thrown onto our paths.  So last night when one of those pop-up ads appeared on my computer screen offering a "deal" on the DNA testing, I followed it and learned a lot more about how it works...even the finding of long lost cousins part.  I bit. It just seemed like what I was supposed to do.

I have a rule of three in life, when three apparently "coincidental" occurrences happen about the same time, I notice and do something about it.  For instance, I recently bumped into the same person who I haven't seen for some time three times.  I scheduled lunch.

Many of my spiritual coaching clients have said to me that the Universe doesn't speak to them.  Of course, it does, I would say, but you have to speak its language.  The language of coincidences or sparked passions is how the Universe speaks to us.  Noticing is how we listen.

"I love God"

Even after years of being aware of divine coinciding events, I continue to be amazed from time to time at the divine wisdom and timing of supposed coincidences.  So it was when a predetermined three-year cycle scripture readings in services this morning settled heavy on my heart after a week of media coverage of riots (or rebellion, if you prefer) in Baltimore.

Excerpts from 1 John 4:7-21 riveted my attention:
"Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God...Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love....No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in us....Those who say, "I love God," and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or sister whom they have seen, cannot love God whom they have not seen.  The commandment we have from him is this: those who love God must love their brothers and sisters also."

I cannot believe that scripture fell onto our ears by accident this week. No one in the news this week--police, rioters, or media--could have behaved the way they did if they truly loved those around them. By extension that means they can't really love God or be a perfecting agent God intended them to be.
As I go into the world this week, I will be more conscious of loving those around me, even (maybe especially) the really irritating one.  That is how I allow love to be perfected in me.

Boundary issues

In the realm of "Duhhh! Why did it take you so long to notice?" I have figured out I have boundary issues. 

Wednesday a colleague briefed me on a personal assessment which indicated that I don't advocate for myself.  That's a concept!  Advocate for myself.  It was totally right.  I don't.  I have to say that I was dumbstruck by the revelation though.  Not that I would have argued that I do advocate for myself.  It's just that advocating for myself has just never been on my radar.

As those of you who have been regular readers know, I've been working way too many hours all year, and I had drawn a line in the sand to stop in September.  It was just "coincidence*" that the assessment was briefed for me on the morning of our second work day in September.  As several hours passed, I became more and more aware of how many of the little irritants at work had been pushed on me simply because I let them be.  Push back is just not something I've ever done.  Now I get it.

Today was the third day in a row that I've only worked 9 to 9.5 hours.  I am beginning to feel again.  I took two dance classes tonight and actually have the physical energy and mental focus to fully participate.  I had a lot of fun.  I want more of this in my life. 

At about 4 p.m. today, a schedule for a major project which will last most of the rest of the year was dumped on me.  I was already at about 110% capacity through the second week of November.  Tomorrow, I will push back.  Technically, I've been breaking the law by working so many hours anyway, so I really can't see that there will be any negative consequences.  If there are, can they really be any worse than a year of 12-hour days?

I finally got it: I have boundary issues.  Self-awareness is really huge for me.  Once I get something, I generally act decidedly on my intention to change.  I know things are going to get a lot better now.



*In spirit speak, a coincidence is a coinciding event--two things that appear to be unrelated except by divine intervention--occur.  I think that it is a coinciding event that on Monday I am going into a five-day class which promises to be rich in other self-awareness.  Who knows? A week from now, I will probably have a whole new lease on life, and Lord knows, I could use it.  Stay tuned!