Boundary issues

In the realm of "Duhhh! Why did it take you so long to notice?" I have figured out I have boundary issues. 

Wednesday a colleague briefed me on a personal assessment which indicated that I don't advocate for myself.  That's a concept!  Advocate for myself.  It was totally right.  I don't.  I have to say that I was dumbstruck by the revelation though.  Not that I would have argued that I do advocate for myself.  It's just that advocating for myself has just never been on my radar.

As those of you who have been regular readers know, I've been working way too many hours all year, and I had drawn a line in the sand to stop in September.  It was just "coincidence*" that the assessment was briefed for me on the morning of our second work day in September.  As several hours passed, I became more and more aware of how many of the little irritants at work had been pushed on me simply because I let them be.  Push back is just not something I've ever done.  Now I get it.

Today was the third day in a row that I've only worked 9 to 9.5 hours.  I am beginning to feel again.  I took two dance classes tonight and actually have the physical energy and mental focus to fully participate.  I had a lot of fun.  I want more of this in my life. 

At about 4 p.m. today, a schedule for a major project which will last most of the rest of the year was dumped on me.  I was already at about 110% capacity through the second week of November.  Tomorrow, I will push back.  Technically, I've been breaking the law by working so many hours anyway, so I really can't see that there will be any negative consequences.  If there are, can they really be any worse than a year of 12-hour days?

I finally got it: I have boundary issues.  Self-awareness is really huge for me.  Once I get something, I generally act decidedly on my intention to change.  I know things are going to get a lot better now.



*In spirit speak, a coincidence is a coinciding event--two things that appear to be unrelated except by divine intervention--occur.  I think that it is a coinciding event that on Monday I am going into a five-day class which promises to be rich in other self-awareness.  Who knows? A week from now, I will probably have a whole new lease on life, and Lord knows, I could use it.  Stay tuned!