While I am by no means an authority, for a long time I've been interested in the Jewish mystical study of numbers. I apologize for anyone out there, who may actually be an expert in this field if I in any way misrepresent the study of numerology, but I will do my best to share what I have taken from my limited exposure that applies to what has been on my heart lately. I do so completely from memory because, as often happens, I apparently loaned my book to someone who hasn't returned it...and I don't remember who that was.
Numerology looks at the Jewish Tree Of Life, a set of spiritual lessons, which each person works through in cycles of nine years. Each lesson has a feminine aspect and a masculine dimension. Throughout our lives, we repeat each of the nine lessons, one per year, and then we start the cycle over again. Some years the focus is the masculine side of the lesson; other years it is the feminine. Similar to the hero's journey about which I've written previously, although the basic lesson is the same each time, we go through more advanced versions of the lesson. We go through the cycles individually, and planetarily.
The cycle has been on my heart because the energy of the planet is now transitioning from the end of the cycle to the beginning of a new one. The transition began at the Jewish New Year (October 2-4 this year.) It will end at the Winter Solstice (December 21.) During that three and a half months, it is our spiritual work to "clean house." 2016 has been a "9" year, which is about endings. People often leave jobs, even careers, end relationships, sell houses, and let go other significant parts of our lives that have served their purpose, but with which we are finished.
By December 21, we should have cleaned out anything that is not part of a new beginning for us. What we carry into the 21st will be with us for another nine years. I've had this on my mind, but all of the sudden this week I realized that I just have a month left, and I haven't done much cleaning out. Frequent reader of this blog and my friend Amy Frost told me in the Super Moon, which occurred a couple weeks ago, that we should write down anything we wanted to let go of and then set the paper on fire, letting the smoke release the energy of the past into the atmosphere. That was a busy day, but I did some general letting go into smoke that day.
But I know I have way too much baggage to carry with me into the future. Let me count the ways.
Besides the energy of spiritual baggage, there is some literal baggage I am dealing with. Almost a year ago, construction in my apartment building's storage area required me to bring up everything from my storage unit. It has been sitting in my bedroom closet since then. I knew I needed to clean out, but I haven't made doing so a priority.
When I left my last job in August, I hastily packed up anything that was mine personally and brought five boxes home with me...also in my bedroom closet. (Fortunately, I have a bedroom closet big enough to party in.) I know there is a lot to be left behind there as well, but sorting through my office boxes has not been a priority either.
I thought I was going to have the time to just sit in my closet this weekend and sort, but I have allowed the approaching holidays and associated activities encroach on my time. I am not sure whether that is avoidance or choosing my future to be with friends...or a little of both. While I make an effort to keep my Sabbath sacred, I have decided that this spiritual sorting exercise is an appropriate Sabbath activity, and I will sit in my closet on Sunday afternoon.
I also have a desk at home that I have been sorting through for two weeks, and I am close to seeing the surface of at least a third of it now. There is more, for sure, but great progress. What remains are my time-consuming projects, and I am not sure when I will find the time, but doing so is a priority for me now.
There are bookshelves that are bulging as my appetite for new books always exceeds the time I have to read them. My folder of clipped recipes was so full at the beginning of last week that it wouldn't close. I am grateful for Thanksgiving and Christmas menu planning for nudging me to begin to go through it two evenings earlier in the week. There is more, but I have found that some of the recipes just don't look good any more, and pitching them has been easy.
When I think about what I want to take into the next nine years, though, more important than cleaning out "stuff" is being conscious of what habits I am ready to let go of and what new ones I want to choose for my future. As I reflect back over the last nine years, I think that this cycle has been about the time period during which I've forfeited the intentional life I had built and allowed myself to be overtaken by work, in every variety.
For decades, I ate healthfully, exercised daily, meditated at least once a day, did extended meditation retreats, danced several times a week, practiced gratitude daily, spent time with friends and laughed a lot. Morsel by morsel, most of that has slipped out of my life since 2007, and I want to reclaim "my" life and let go of whatever has consumed me.
New habits are formed in 30 days. I could be overwhelmed as I look at all the new habits I want to form. However, at least for me, I respond well to any positive change in my life. Intuitively, I know that if I change one thing, changing others seems much easier. I feel it is almost like flipping a switch back to the "real Kay," rather than changing eight different habits.
In my as-yet-unpublished book Choice Point, which I thought was "finished" in 1997, I wrote that life should be a meditation, and in each moment we should consciously ask, "Is this a 'yes' or is this a 'no?'" When I think about reclaiming my life, the question I need to ask isn't will I exercise or not today, it is "Will I be who Kay's soul intended her to be today?" A single question, applied to every situation, asked consciously. Life as a moment-by-moment meditation.
What I know in my heart is that all I want to carry into the next nine years is the consciousness to ask that question a 1,000 times every day...and the courage to act on what I know.
Showing posts with label numerology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label numerology. Show all posts
Friday, November 25, 2016
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Open Heart Surgery
"You are faced with a situation that requires you to make the very changes you have been putting off. Decisions must be made...By refusing to deal with these issues, you are preventing new opportunities from entering your life." (DeLorey, Life Cycles, p. 198.) From the description of the spiritual lessons I have to learn in September, described in DeLorey's powerful book on numerology, I got a chill of the accuracy of the prediction for a month that is two-thirds finished.
Almost since the moment that September began, I have found myself facing one growth experience after another. First, there was the Laughter Yoga certification class I took as an admission that I really missed laughter. Today I heard on Radio Lab that laughter is a function of social engagement. When we are alone, it said, we don't laugh. Well, duh! That is why I took the class which teaches fake laughter as an anecdote to the absence of real laughter. (It has the same positive health benefits.) The truth is that lack of laughter is just one sign of what I miss from spending too much time alone.
After that, just four days into the month, came the influence assessment, which indicated that I don't advocate for myself. That, too, should have been a no-brainer. Why else would I be working 1l- and 12-hour days? But it also hit me over the head with my boundary issues. ("Boundary Issues," 9/4)
Then, I got into the personal growth/leadership where I had the Aha! moment that, by being so nose-down, doing my work that people described me as insensitive and uncaring. That was like a knife into my heart. Open-heart surgery, I am calling it.
This week, I went for my annual physical to assure that I can use the gym at work. Of course, I've probably only used it three or four times this year and only once since June. The doctor reminds me that I've picked up five pounds (there could be a relationship) and tells me that my blood pressure has jumped 30 points. (Fortunately, it has always been very low, so I am still well within optimal range, but still disturbing. I had it checked again at the end of the week, and it was back to close to my normal.)
The next day I followed up with one person who participated in my 360 assessment. She related my change in behaviors to a specific incident in which I'd felt very threatened last year. After a couple of decades of feeling like I had put my childhood coping mechanisms behind, without knowing what she was doing, this woman had told me that I was behaving like I was three again. Oh, great!
I also taught a segment of a class on Emotional Intelligence, which reminded me that all of this self-awareness was meaningless unless I choose to change something.
The trend here is to slow down, work less, get a life, and connect more. It is bigger than that though. It was at age three that I chose to close my heart and chose high-quality work as my survival mechanism. In the realm of "How's that workin' for you?" the answer is: it isn't.
For 21 years I've been mostly alone, as attested to by the lack-of-laughter issue. I've said I want someone special in my life, but I own that a dozen years ago I figured out that I've attracted men into my life who couldn't open their hearts because I couldn't open mine. Closed hearts avoiding each other was my comfort zone. I pledged at that point that I really wanted the next man in my life to be one who could love whole-heartedly. That, of course, begs the question, "Why would someone who could love whole-heartedly want to be in relationship with someone whose heart is locked closed, and the lock is so rusted that even if I could find the key, it just might not work any longer.
So when I read the DeLorey quote above this afternoon, describing my spiritual growth assignment for this month, I knew in an instant that the issue that I must deal with is opening my heart. Nothing short of emotional open-heart surgery is what I am willing to do. I have no clue what that will look like. I plan to take a few days at the end of this month as I generally do around Rosh Hashanah to reflect, but I also know that this is not something I can totally resolve from the quiet and solitude of meditation.
Emotional open-heart surgery happens in relationships. I've already started slowing down at work and taking time to connect, even if just for a minute or two. Voila! It really feels good. In the schema of the spiritual work that DeLorey writes about, this time of year sets the tone for the year ahead. By expressing my intention to open my heart in September, I pray that the year ahead will be one of love and connection.
Almost since the moment that September began, I have found myself facing one growth experience after another. First, there was the Laughter Yoga certification class I took as an admission that I really missed laughter. Today I heard on Radio Lab that laughter is a function of social engagement. When we are alone, it said, we don't laugh. Well, duh! That is why I took the class which teaches fake laughter as an anecdote to the absence of real laughter. (It has the same positive health benefits.) The truth is that lack of laughter is just one sign of what I miss from spending too much time alone.
After that, just four days into the month, came the influence assessment, which indicated that I don't advocate for myself. That, too, should have been a no-brainer. Why else would I be working 1l- and 12-hour days? But it also hit me over the head with my boundary issues. ("Boundary Issues," 9/4)
Then, I got into the personal growth/leadership where I had the Aha! moment that, by being so nose-down, doing my work that people described me as insensitive and uncaring. That was like a knife into my heart. Open-heart surgery, I am calling it.
This week, I went for my annual physical to assure that I can use the gym at work. Of course, I've probably only used it three or four times this year and only once since June. The doctor reminds me that I've picked up five pounds (there could be a relationship) and tells me that my blood pressure has jumped 30 points. (Fortunately, it has always been very low, so I am still well within optimal range, but still disturbing. I had it checked again at the end of the week, and it was back to close to my normal.)
The next day I followed up with one person who participated in my 360 assessment. She related my change in behaviors to a specific incident in which I'd felt very threatened last year. After a couple of decades of feeling like I had put my childhood coping mechanisms behind, without knowing what she was doing, this woman had told me that I was behaving like I was three again. Oh, great!
I also taught a segment of a class on Emotional Intelligence, which reminded me that all of this self-awareness was meaningless unless I choose to change something.
The trend here is to slow down, work less, get a life, and connect more. It is bigger than that though. It was at age three that I chose to close my heart and chose high-quality work as my survival mechanism. In the realm of "How's that workin' for you?" the answer is: it isn't.
For 21 years I've been mostly alone, as attested to by the lack-of-laughter issue. I've said I want someone special in my life, but I own that a dozen years ago I figured out that I've attracted men into my life who couldn't open their hearts because I couldn't open mine. Closed hearts avoiding each other was my comfort zone. I pledged at that point that I really wanted the next man in my life to be one who could love whole-heartedly. That, of course, begs the question, "Why would someone who could love whole-heartedly want to be in relationship with someone whose heart is locked closed, and the lock is so rusted that even if I could find the key, it just might not work any longer.
So when I read the DeLorey quote above this afternoon, describing my spiritual growth assignment for this month, I knew in an instant that the issue that I must deal with is opening my heart. Nothing short of emotional open-heart surgery is what I am willing to do. I have no clue what that will look like. I plan to take a few days at the end of this month as I generally do around Rosh Hashanah to reflect, but I also know that this is not something I can totally resolve from the quiet and solitude of meditation.
Emotional open-heart surgery happens in relationships. I've already started slowing down at work and taking time to connect, even if just for a minute or two. Voila! It really feels good. In the schema of the spiritual work that DeLorey writes about, this time of year sets the tone for the year ahead. By expressing my intention to open my heart in September, I pray that the year ahead will be one of love and connection.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
In the Name of God...
I have just watched the movie "Philomena." The movie portrays the true story of an aging mother, whose child was taken from her in the convent where she had given birth as an unwed teenager when the child was a toddler. Having ached her whole life to know something of her stolen son, she embarks on a transcontinental journey to find him 50 years after the birth.
As she has longed to know what has become of her son, the son has also been hunting for her. Although the nuns in the convent know of both searches, they intentionally impede the connection until Philomena discovers the deception after learning of her son's death. The journalist who is helping Philomena in her search confronts the nun, who has held the secrets for decades, with the accusation that "it wasn't very Christian of her." In a far more Christian act, the bereaved mother forgave the nun.
A few years ago, a wave of sex abuse revelations within clergy in the Catholic Church rocked congregations across the US, only to expand across the world. The violations of youngsters wasn't limited to Catholicism, as a second wave of revelations rippled from almost every protestant denomination. None very Christian acts either.
In Iraq, different sects of Islam kill each other in the name of God. In Israel, Jews and Palestinians fight each other in the name of the God of their common ancestor Abraham. In Africa, members of different tribes kill each other. All over the world today people will be killed in the name of one religion or another.
Yesterday, I shared Karen Armstrong's comparative religions' research, revealing that the heart of all religious, ethical, and spiritual traditions is "compassion." She describes the manifestation of "compassion" as being the Golden Rule--do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
How do we get from an almost universal drive for compassion and living by the Golden Rule to separating mothers and children, sexually abusing children, and killing other sects--all in the name of God? I am not sure how this happened, but there is one thing that I am very sure about: we can do better...we must do better...in the name of God.
Numerology is the part of the Jewish mystical tradition, which is devoted to ancient study of numbers and the spiritual lessons which come with them. We are on the doorstep of a new year and all the new possibilities which come with it. The spiritual lessons of 2014 are love, relationship, responsibility and healing. Those are the lessons that each of us is to learn during the coming year. I can't help but believe that if we learn the lessons of love, relationship, responsibility, and healing in the year ahead that we would live by the Golden Rule, and then we will do better...in the name of God.
As she has longed to know what has become of her son, the son has also been hunting for her. Although the nuns in the convent know of both searches, they intentionally impede the connection until Philomena discovers the deception after learning of her son's death. The journalist who is helping Philomena in her search confronts the nun, who has held the secrets for decades, with the accusation that "it wasn't very Christian of her." In a far more Christian act, the bereaved mother forgave the nun.
A few years ago, a wave of sex abuse revelations within clergy in the Catholic Church rocked congregations across the US, only to expand across the world. The violations of youngsters wasn't limited to Catholicism, as a second wave of revelations rippled from almost every protestant denomination. None very Christian acts either.
In Iraq, different sects of Islam kill each other in the name of God. In Israel, Jews and Palestinians fight each other in the name of the God of their common ancestor Abraham. In Africa, members of different tribes kill each other. All over the world today people will be killed in the name of one religion or another.
Yesterday, I shared Karen Armstrong's comparative religions' research, revealing that the heart of all religious, ethical, and spiritual traditions is "compassion." She describes the manifestation of "compassion" as being the Golden Rule--do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
How do we get from an almost universal drive for compassion and living by the Golden Rule to separating mothers and children, sexually abusing children, and killing other sects--all in the name of God? I am not sure how this happened, but there is one thing that I am very sure about: we can do better...we must do better...in the name of God.
Numerology is the part of the Jewish mystical tradition, which is devoted to ancient study of numbers and the spiritual lessons which come with them. We are on the doorstep of a new year and all the new possibilities which come with it. The spiritual lessons of 2014 are love, relationship, responsibility and healing. Those are the lessons that each of us is to learn during the coming year. I can't help but believe that if we learn the lessons of love, relationship, responsibility, and healing in the year ahead that we would live by the Golden Rule, and then we will do better...in the name of God.
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