Lesson 3: Be vulnerable

The third and final lesson I have to master in order to open my heart, find intimacy, and create connection is: be vulnerable.  However, I want to make it clear that I don't think there is an order to the three lessons.  I suspect that they are interrelated, and mastery of one will lead to mastery of all.  Or, maybe mastery of all will require mastery of only one...but, which one?

• Make time to do the things you love and love what you do
• This is the day the Lord hath made; rejoice and be glad in it.
• Be vulnerable

I've played with these three a bit over the three weeks since settling on them as my lessons for the year.  It doesn't really matter which I start with, I believe any one of them can and will lead to the others.  For example, if I am doing things I love and loving what I do, I will rejoice and be glad.  If I am conscious that God has made the day, and I am joyful, I am more likely to make time for the things I love.  I would feel safe and warm, so I'd be more willing to be vulnerable.

By contrast, if I am willing to be vulnerable, I'll risk confronting things, people, and circumstances in my life that keep me from doing the things I love.  Then I will be joyful.

Finally, if I make time for the things I love and love what I do, the bubble of God's love will provide the security to be vulnerable. I will most certainly be grateful and joyful.

So, slow down, Kay.  Just be. Do what you love. Rejoice. Be vulnerable.

I am taking baby steps.  I left work at 5 p.m. tonight even though my colleague who usually works late, and I choose to let me feel guilty, really wanted to talk about a project.  I felt quite vulnerable making the choice, but I have to say that the building didn't quake because I left on time. She didn't protest even a whimper.  I scheduled time tomorrow evening to talk with her, an evening when I have an extra hour to kill between work and a dance class.  I will love working with her; she's great.  I will love the dance class.

I had an extra two hours.  I've done several things this evening that I at least enjoy, even if they aren't quite in the "love to do" category.  I had leftovers from a meal out, but I took time to artfully arrange them on the plate and make a special labor-intensive salad.  That I loved doing. 

I've had some paperwork to complete a certification I started about six weeks ago.  I've been putting off doing it. I just didn't think I could add one more thing to my plate. When I emailed the instructor that I needed to put it off for a while (being vulnerable,) she was relieved because she is over-taxed. 

I really wonder how many times when I've pushed myself to near-exhaustion that I've pushed others as well.  At the very least, my pushing back probably wouldn't have been a concern.

Even if any of the lessons will lead to the other two, I have a hunch that "be vulnerable" may actually be the easiest to bring to consciousness.  I am not sure why, but I think that in any given situation, if I ask myself, "What will make me the most vulnerable?" that I will not fail--will not fail to be human.  I will finally feel secure in abandoning superwoman.  Sigh.  What a relief just to say that!

In the spirit of full disclosure, I am not sure that I've ever totally mastered one of my lessons during a single year.  I have always made progress.  The way it has usually happened has been that sometime down the line, a year, two years, or five years, I will suddenly realize that I am doing the very thing that I'd committed to mastering.  Once we set an intention, we unleash a powerful force to support our desires.  Then acting in accordance with that choice incrementally carries us toward that intention.

I am unequivocal about choosing to open my heart, find intimacy, and create connection.  I will master these lessons--one day at a time.

Lesson 2 -- This is the Day the Lord Hath Made

The second spiritual lesson that I am undertaking for the year ahead as a result of my retreat in Greece is to celebrate each and every day in its perfection.  Those who read "Coveting" (10/2/14) will recall that I was deeply moved by the concept that any time we wish for anything in our lives to be different than what it is, we are "coveting." We miss the value of what is because we are caught up in what it might be. 

During my reflective time I pondered, how would I word an intention for growth that meant "loving what is."  Each time I would think about it, a single scripture would immediately come to me:

"This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

If I was not going to wish my life to be different than the gift God had given me, that scripture captured what I needed to do.  I must be aware that God had made this particular day expressly and intentionally for me.  This day is God's gift to me, whatever it is.  My job is to rejoice and be glad about the gift, not to complain about what God had chosen not to give me in this day.

I will be the very first to say, this is a very difficult lesson.  First, I have to keep myself conscious each and every day that this day is God's gift to me.  That is the really hard part.  When I remember that the day is God's gift, I find that being intentional about rejoicing in what is happening is easier.  That old thing about being conscious is the hard part. 

You will recall that my intention for the year ahead is to open my heart, find intimacy, and create connection.  I cannot do any of those without being conscious.  Even more important though is that if I am wishing to be somewhere else having some other kind of experience, I will be guarded and defensive.  If I am guarded, how will I ever open my heart, and without an open heart, I am hopeless for find intimacy or create connection. 

Today celebrating the day God had made for me was easy.  It was the most perfect blue sky, sunny autumn day imaginable.  I had almost nothing I had to do.  I just completely enjoyed everything I did: you might say I was rejoicing and being glad.  The challenge will come tomorrow when I am thrust back into my work environment.  This is my spiritual lesson, and it will be work.  And, I will rejoice and be glad about learning this important lesson.