Lesson 3: Be vulnerable

The third and final lesson I have to master in order to open my heart, find intimacy, and create connection is: be vulnerable.  However, I want to make it clear that I don't think there is an order to the three lessons.  I suspect that they are interrelated, and mastery of one will lead to mastery of all.  Or, maybe mastery of all will require mastery of only one...but, which one?

• Make time to do the things you love and love what you do
• This is the day the Lord hath made; rejoice and be glad in it.
• Be vulnerable

I've played with these three a bit over the three weeks since settling on them as my lessons for the year.  It doesn't really matter which I start with, I believe any one of them can and will lead to the others.  For example, if I am doing things I love and loving what I do, I will rejoice and be glad.  If I am conscious that God has made the day, and I am joyful, I am more likely to make time for the things I love.  I would feel safe and warm, so I'd be more willing to be vulnerable.

By contrast, if I am willing to be vulnerable, I'll risk confronting things, people, and circumstances in my life that keep me from doing the things I love.  Then I will be joyful.

Finally, if I make time for the things I love and love what I do, the bubble of God's love will provide the security to be vulnerable. I will most certainly be grateful and joyful.

So, slow down, Kay.  Just be. Do what you love. Rejoice. Be vulnerable.

I am taking baby steps.  I left work at 5 p.m. tonight even though my colleague who usually works late, and I choose to let me feel guilty, really wanted to talk about a project.  I felt quite vulnerable making the choice, but I have to say that the building didn't quake because I left on time. She didn't protest even a whimper.  I scheduled time tomorrow evening to talk with her, an evening when I have an extra hour to kill between work and a dance class.  I will love working with her; she's great.  I will love the dance class.

I had an extra two hours.  I've done several things this evening that I at least enjoy, even if they aren't quite in the "love to do" category.  I had leftovers from a meal out, but I took time to artfully arrange them on the plate and make a special labor-intensive salad.  That I loved doing. 

I've had some paperwork to complete a certification I started about six weeks ago.  I've been putting off doing it. I just didn't think I could add one more thing to my plate. When I emailed the instructor that I needed to put it off for a while (being vulnerable,) she was relieved because she is over-taxed. 

I really wonder how many times when I've pushed myself to near-exhaustion that I've pushed others as well.  At the very least, my pushing back probably wouldn't have been a concern.

Even if any of the lessons will lead to the other two, I have a hunch that "be vulnerable" may actually be the easiest to bring to consciousness.  I am not sure why, but I think that in any given situation, if I ask myself, "What will make me the most vulnerable?" that I will not fail--will not fail to be human.  I will finally feel secure in abandoning superwoman.  Sigh.  What a relief just to say that!

In the spirit of full disclosure, I am not sure that I've ever totally mastered one of my lessons during a single year.  I have always made progress.  The way it has usually happened has been that sometime down the line, a year, two years, or five years, I will suddenly realize that I am doing the very thing that I'd committed to mastering.  Once we set an intention, we unleash a powerful force to support our desires.  Then acting in accordance with that choice incrementally carries us toward that intention.

I am unequivocal about choosing to open my heart, find intimacy, and create connection.  I will master these lessons--one day at a time.