Coveting

A few days ago, I read Rob Bell's Love Wins.  A number of thoughts have stuck with me, some stingingly so. I find myself having pondered an early discussion on "coveting." A lot.

"Covet" is an interesting word. I think of it as a biblical word, as in "Thou shalt not covet your neighbor's wife," but I suppose it is perfectly good word in other contexts.

Bell's context was about wishing for things we don't have. In this time of reflection, the word sent me to my own heart for self-examination.

The whole thing with time, which has been with me over the last few days, was a good place to start. The tendency to drift to another time or place than the one of the moment is one of coveting of a sorts. I drift to where I am not, instead of savoring where I am. There was reflecting on going to eat when I was not hungry. ("Temporal Free Fall") It is reflected by planning for the future instead of enjoying this moment.

Yesterday I enjoyed about 90 minutes in delightful conversation with a young woman who allowed me to charge my iPhone while she shared a coffee frappé with me. It took me about five minutes to get over my antsyness that I had a bus to catch and should find something to eat first.

An interesting thing has occurred as I've unplugged eating from the clock: I've discovered that being hungry is just being hungry. It passes, and I am in no danger of starving. It just is. I got by the day before on a handful of pistachios until mid-evening, due to lack of opportunity to buy anything I could eat. (I have food allergies that are challenging in Greece.) I am just fine.

So, I reveled in my conversation with the beautiful young woman in her early 30s. She'd worked as a globetrotting anchorwoman for an Athens TV station and was proud of her profession as a journalist. She also seemed delighted with her decision to move to the small city of Napflio, near her father's home village, and run the small hotel where I'd stayed for two nights. I didn't sense that she was coveting anything. She related some freelance jobs she had done, "but the hotel is my occupation now."

Upon thought, this coveting thing seems like the flip side of gratitude, about which I've written a lot over the months. If I am wishing for something different than where I am and what I have, I am coveting. I miss the opportunity to be grateful for what is. Then, I miss everything.

I have spent several hours on a ferry today. I have no idea how many. It is quite cold and windy outside, a harbinger of the coming winter, even in Greece. There aren't enough inside chairs for the throng seeking warmth. Food options have been challenging for my gluten intolerance. And, I've resisted coveting anything different.

I am relishing time to read, a guilty pleasure in recent years with my work load. I did find a chair and have decadently napped a couple of times. This time of reflection is proving to be about my way of being than anything else.

My intentions for this retreat, and for the seeds for which I am planting to grow in the year ahead, are to open my heart, find intimacy, and create connection. The profound question that continues to echo is this: how can I do any of those things if I am wishing to be somewhere else, doing something else, or be with someone else? Acceptance and gratitude for the moment are Ground Zero for open hearts, intimacy, and connection. So I will put this device down and create some now.


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