Layers of Learning

I can remember having moments when I was teaching at the university when I would find words spilling out of my mouth, and in that very moment I would have the thought, "Oh, that's what that means."  Generally, it would be something I'd thought I'd known and understood for 10, 20, or maybe even 25 years. All of the sudden in that moment in how it came out, I understood what I thought I'd known for a very long time in a different way.  I got it! Differently.

That has happened in books that I've written too.  Almost every time I reread one of my books or even part of one, there will be a moment when I will think to myself (and occasionally even exclaim out loud) "I didn't know I knew that then."  I had known it, but just on a whole different level.

Those who have been reading this blog for a while will know that there are certain themes that repeat themselves.  I believe what is happening is that I discover something different about each spiritual lesson every time I write about it.  In The Game Called Life I say that each of us comes into this life with certain lessons that we have to learn, and learning them is one of three purposes of our lives.  (The other two are performing service and developing/using our gifts and talents.)

I am quite certain that the recurring themes in this blog are lessons that I have to live and learn in this lifetime.  However, I also believe that humankind periodically needs to evolve itself spiritually, and in order to do so, many of us, who are working on the same lesson(s), choose to come and work on the same lessons in parallel.  As we master the nuances of the same lessons, we collectively evolve our world. 

I've been taking an autumn/new year retreat for about 20 years, more or less.  I didn't know when I did it the first time that it would be the first time and not a solitary occurrence, so I can't be more precise. I've been taking several days in silent reflection for longer than that, but I don't really know when I fell into a twice-a-year, fall and spring rhythm. 

For the first few times (10, or maybe 15 or 20) there would be major Aha! moments.  I would really experience on a deep and profound level something about myself that I don't think I'd ever known, or if I did, I certainly hadn't understood the impact.  I like to say, "We can't not know what we know." After those early retreats, my learnings literally shook the foundations of how I lived my life, immediately and profoundly so.

In more recent retreats, the learning has been much like the aspects of Organizational Behavior that I used to share with my university students: something bubbles up that I've known for a long time, but I just understand it in a different way.  "Oh, that again," I will say to myself.  Inevitably, it is one of my enduring lessons, popping up in a new form. 

During my recent pilgrimage in Greece, I kept bumping into the same lessons that I've struggled over and again to integrate into my life. Each time I did, I'd be a bit irritated at myself that I've been working on something years, and even decades, and I still don't have it. I guess that is why they are life lessons and not this week lessons. I don't know why I had to go to Greece to learn them...again. Maybe my lesson is that I can't run away from them.  They also showed up in different forms, but certainly not different enough that I didn't recognize them and feel the sting of on-going learning.

My three intentions for the year ahead are to open my heart, be vulnerable, and create connection.  I am not 100% sure, but I am pretty confident that they are all the same.  Over the next few days, I will share the lessons which I will need to master in order to accomplish those intentions.  There will be similarity to other postings, since these represent layers of learning for me. 

However, if I were to summarize what I think will be different this time, I would say there are two things.  First is that I've been attempting my lessons unilaterally.  That means, I am trying to do it all by myself.  These are all lessons that can only be learned in relationship with others and with particular others.  I can't create connection with someone who isn't equally committed to creating connection.  To attempt to do so is insanity.  What comes to mind is the often quoted definition of insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

The second aspect that I believe will be different has to do with complexity.  The lessons are inter-related, and mastering each has impacts on the other two...and others as well.