Being in a Really Good Place

Twice this weekend I found myself in conversations with friends that I hadn't talked with much since I started my "exploration." In each conversation there came a point at which the words, "I am in a really good place," came spilling out of my mouth. In one conversation the words were actually "I am in a better place than I've been in 20 years."  They weren't words, or even a concept, to which I'd given thought.  They just seemed to be my truth at that point in each conversation.

Now what was all that about?  To start with, they were "my truth." When I drew a line in the sand and said to myself that my work was killing me, I knew it was true.  Except for fairly healthy eating, I hadn't been doing a single thing that I knew I should be doing for my physical, mental, or spiritual health.  (I had been eating healthy foods but as I raced through most days, a lot of time I had to snarf meals or snacks down at a pace that couldn't have been good for my digestive track.)

I knew how to live better; I just wasn't doing it.  What has happened over the last five weeks is that I have been living the way I know is good for me.  I've been sleeping well and at least a full eight hours every night.  I've exercised every day.  I've prayed and meditated twice a day. I've been dreaming actively and mining them for spiritual insights.  I've taken time to stop and chat with friends and neighbors, and I've made some new friends, leaving me feeling more satisfied about my relationships. I've read several books.  I've been getting involved in my community on issues that I really care about.  In short, I have felt like I was in personal integrity.

As I've described in this blog before, the word "integrity" derives from the Greek root which also gave rise to "integer"--a whole number.  Before my exploration began, I was badly conflicted. I wasn't demonstrating wholeness in body, mind, or spirit. Now I am almost there and in addition to the impacts of each of the activities listed in the last paragraph on me, which have been significant, perhaps the strong effect is that of feeling whole again.  I used to spend moments throughout every days wishing things were different: I wish I could just sleep until I was rested.  I wish I could sit and enjoy this meal.  Blah! Blah! Blah!

Among the realizations that came to me as I pondered "being in a really good place" was the one that even though there are a couple of areas of my life I'd like to enhance, I recognized that I hadn't even thought about either for weeks.  I've been so focused on what is working that to think about what isn't working feels insignificant and a waste of energy.

This week's health coaching class includes coping with stress. Where was this when I needed it? Actually, there was nothing that I hadn't known, but when I was caught up in in, I seemed incapable of turning the tide. On occasion, I would attempt to redirect myself, but I felt like I was caught in quicksand and just couldn't pull myself out of it.

When I am in integrity, I am more resourceful. I am not sure the complete difference, but I've certainly been losing energy in the cracks between what I know to do and what I was doing.  I think that some must be chalked up to having more time. In truth, I had a lot of colleagues who should have/could have worked the way I did, but they just chose not to. When lunch, workout, or quitting time came, they walked out. I always chalked it up to a deep service ethic, which is true, but in the ultimate act of lack of integrity, I'd remind my clients of the airline security announcements telling us to put the oxygen mask over ourselves before putting one on a child.  If I didn't put the oxygen mask on myself, who else was going to do it?

Yes, I am in a really good place, and that place is integrity.  My challenge will be to keep my attitude adjustment when I am more actively engaged in the world around me again.