My Set Point

I was listening to a podcast the other day about fat.  I would say that it is an occupational hazard now that I am officially a certified health coach, but truthfully, I've always been interested in understanding our bodies.  (And, yes, I did successfully complete my training.)  The woman who had been researching the fat organ--yes, fat is an organ--said that we all had a "set-point" for our weight. Unless we were consciously engaged in practices to change the set-point, our bodies go back to their "normal," which for many is a few pounds heavier than we might like to be.

Now, this post really has nothing to do with fat, but more with the concept of a "set-point," as a state of mind with which we are familiar or comfortable in whatever we are doing.  I am a reasonable neatnik, although I truly hate to clean.  It takes about two weeks for my apartment to get cluttered enough that I am uncomfortable with it.  I take 60 to 90 minutes to declutter and do some superficial cleaning, and then I can heave a sigh of relief and feel like my home is mine again.  That point had arrived earlier this evening. There's something in my that becomes uncomfortable if I get too far from that neatnik/not cleanik zone.

About an hour ago, I had my kick-back moment when I reclaimed my home. It was in that delicious reverie that I realized I'd been struggling this week.  My set point in life has been "on overdrive." When I first married, my husband described me as a mosquito on speed.  We had lived three hours apart before marrying, and there are some things that we don't learn when we only see our intendeds on weekends and vacations.  I hit the ground running in the morning, and I pretty much ran until we were finished cleaning the kitchen after dinner.  Then, I would relax.

Since 2001, I've worked very long hours and had very little time to take care of me, until now.  Yet, even in this transition time, I took only a week of meditation before driving head-first into the health coach training, which, along with refugee meetings, has pretty much consumed me.  I have been getting a full eight hours of sleep each night and exercising most days.  I have even written for this blog most days.

But, since my final exam on Wednesday afternoon, I've been struggling with what to do with myself. I have my lists of "things to do" and "things to explore," which I've been working.  I did my taxes today. (Yeah for refunds!) I spent yesterday taking care of a lot of insurance paperwork. A friend had me over for wine and snacks last night. I worked with a personal trainer this morning for the first time since college.  It's not like I have been bored. Yet all this "to-do list" activity feels like more of my overdrive set-point.

A few days ago I had a wonderful conversation with a friend who retired last summer, and she goes to coffee and movies with friends on weekdays. What a delightful idea!  I am not there yet. I have been looking forward to a matinee tomorrow--Saturday--after reclaiming my apartment and doing taxes.

Even in high school and college, I was an honor student, active in a lot of school activities and working a part-time job. Before that I had a healthy set of household chores that I had to do around school and church activities as a kid. I am not sure I can remember a time when I didn't need to be on overdrive.

I don't need to be on overdrive any more.  I don't want to be on overdrive any more...but that is my set-point.  Even as I look at my lists of activities, I realize they are to keep me moving and busy.  I expect that some of this harkens back to the strong Protestant Work Ethic upbringing I had in the hard-working Midwest of my early years.  Relaxation was a sin.  Really.  We were expected to be doing things.  Play even had to be productive.

Breaking out of that early programming is a challenge, so I feel like I am in a bit of freefall now. I know that I'd like to slow down and enjoy life.  I'd love to read the book that my book club has chosen for the first week of March, but there is something so uneasy for me about just sitting and reading a book. And, I've been struggling.  I've actually been struggling all week, but I think I just finally recognized it this evening.

What comes to mind are the old wind-up dolls of my childhood.  If you cranked a key on the doll's back, she would walk for awhile. At first she'd walk very fast, but eventually, she would wind down and stop walking.  The overdrive me is like the doll on full-wind-up mode.  I don't want to completely wind down, but I would like to crank my set-point back to somewhere in-between. Somewhere between the mosquito on speed and staying in bed all day would be perfect.  I realize there is a lot of leeway there, and I am still figuring out what my sweet spot is.  I am an active person, and I want to keep that.  I would also like to read that book and go to a weekday matinee.

This feels very important to me because I think starting up a health-coaching practice could be a very slippery slope, if I haven't learned how to be more relaxed about life before I do so. I expect I was continue to struggle for a bit as I learn to reset.