This Sunday marked the beginning of the Advent Season in the Christian tradition, and in scripture it reveals John the Baptist announcing the forthcoming birth of Jesus. While that is a distinctively Christian commemoration, as we often find across religions, there is a theme that demands all of us to rethink our lives.
John asks us to "repent," a word that in the original Latin means to "rethink" or to "think again." Today our pastor invited all of us to to rethink the "islands in ourselves." By that he meant places in us which we consider unchangeable, where we are not open to influence from others. He used by way of example our eating habits when we know our cholesterol levels are too high, but we refuse to consider other ways of eating. Clearly, there is something for us to learn...and change, but often we are intransigent to change.
In a world which is characterized by intransigence, perhaps we should look to find common ground with others who are equally intransigent...but on the other side(s). How easy is it to think that our perspective is the only one or the only virtuous one, when in most cases, no side is without fault or virtue.
Yet, I struggle. Integrity is critical to me. Being "at one" with what is right and true is core to who I am. How do I make sense of "rethinking" and still stay in integrity. Does integrity mean that I am not vulnerable to other versions of the Truth? Does it mean that I should pick up what I believe to be true and examine it to determine if there are other sides of the Truth?
As we go into a season which is characterized with singing, eating, drinking and socializing, I will step back this year and wonder, "Are there places in my life in which I might find other versions of the Truth?" I believe that the message of the Christmas holiday is to find peace, joy and love and to come together as a single humankind. How can I do so with the Truth that we are all connected, and each of us contributes to the real Truth of coming together? How can I do so without owning that there are islands in myself that are and should be vulnerable to other versions of the Truth?
Showing posts with label Truth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Truth. Show all posts
Sunday, December 6, 2015
Sunday, March 22, 2015
The Work That Is Mine To Do
I remember writing in Leading from the Heart that while most of us see things in black or white, the Truth more often lays in countless shades of gray in between them. Even then, I knew that the world was much more complex than the simplicity of black and white would suggest. In the years since, I have become more and more convinced of that Truth.
While I was sure of the Truth in the shades of gray the more than 20 years ago when I wrote Leading from the Heart, I thought I was certain about some things. I knew that God is Love. My work in the world is to connect with everyone who comes onto my path from that Truth. Somehow, if I could find love in my heart for everyone, I would be doing what God wanted me to do.
This morning at the very end of our church service, just as I have countless times before, I said the prayer for me to go into the world to do the work that was mine to do. "What?" I thought, "is that?" Robbed of the innocence that I held even just a few years ago that, if I would just love those on my path, I would be doing my work. I can't believe that any more. At least, I can't believe it in the way I once did.
Difficult people have come before me, and I have tried to love them...repeatedly...for years. At least one has made me wonder if there are evil people in the world--those who delight in causing pain. I grew up with a mother like that. I often think that this person is in my life to give me the opportunity to learn how to deal with my long-deceased mother in a loving way. God knows I have tried. Usually I just get beat up again...and again.
Scary-weird people have come onto my path, and I have tried to see them in peace and love. A homeless mentally ill woman sells Street Sense, a newspaper written by and for the homeless. I used to be afraid of her. I used to think she qualifies as "scary-weird," but as I've come to know her, she is a really kind woman. I call her by name now. She remembers me. Now I think, "There, but by the grace of God, go I." Other scary-weird people just get scarier and weirder.
While in New York a few weeks ago, I saw the musical "Beautiful," based on the early career of singer-songwriter Carole King. King married her lyricist Gerry Goffin when they were teenagers, had two children with him, and then, as often happens in show business, watched him fall prey to drugs and womanizing. In the play, about 10 years into the marriage, King says to Goffin, "The girls deserve better than this, and so do I." The words penetrated me, which is when I can usually tell there is a lesson to be learned here.
So this morning as I thought about going into the world to do the work that is mine to do, I found myself sinking into the shades of gray. Maybe my spiritual work isn't to love everyone. Maybe it isn't to learn how to love my mother differently. Maybe it isn't even to not be frightened by scary-weird people. Maybe it is to say, "I deserve better than this."
Right now, I am stuck in the "how to know." I truly do believe that it is our work to love those who come onto our paths--to raise the level of love on the planet. How else can we make the world a better place? Yet, I am also sure that God wants us to love ourselves. Yet to allow someone to continue bringing misery into my life isn't raising the level of love.
Some would say that we should just let the meanness roll over us and to not allow it to make me miserable. I may even have said that a few dozen times myself. Now I have learned that isn't so easily done. When someone pummels me, day in and day out for years, I do feel the pain. Maybe my work is to say, "I deserve better."
Today, I sit with what my work is. Once it was very clear that I am to love. When I was much younger, my work was just to survive. Both very black and white. Today, I sink into the shades of gray and listen for a new Truth.
While I was sure of the Truth in the shades of gray the more than 20 years ago when I wrote Leading from the Heart, I thought I was certain about some things. I knew that God is Love. My work in the world is to connect with everyone who comes onto my path from that Truth. Somehow, if I could find love in my heart for everyone, I would be doing what God wanted me to do.
This morning at the very end of our church service, just as I have countless times before, I said the prayer for me to go into the world to do the work that was mine to do. "What?" I thought, "is that?" Robbed of the innocence that I held even just a few years ago that, if I would just love those on my path, I would be doing my work. I can't believe that any more. At least, I can't believe it in the way I once did.
Difficult people have come before me, and I have tried to love them...repeatedly...for years. At least one has made me wonder if there are evil people in the world--those who delight in causing pain. I grew up with a mother like that. I often think that this person is in my life to give me the opportunity to learn how to deal with my long-deceased mother in a loving way. God knows I have tried. Usually I just get beat up again...and again.
Scary-weird people have come onto my path, and I have tried to see them in peace and love. A homeless mentally ill woman sells Street Sense, a newspaper written by and for the homeless. I used to be afraid of her. I used to think she qualifies as "scary-weird," but as I've come to know her, she is a really kind woman. I call her by name now. She remembers me. Now I think, "There, but by the grace of God, go I." Other scary-weird people just get scarier and weirder.
While in New York a few weeks ago, I saw the musical "Beautiful," based on the early career of singer-songwriter Carole King. King married her lyricist Gerry Goffin when they were teenagers, had two children with him, and then, as often happens in show business, watched him fall prey to drugs and womanizing. In the play, about 10 years into the marriage, King says to Goffin, "The girls deserve better than this, and so do I." The words penetrated me, which is when I can usually tell there is a lesson to be learned here.
So this morning as I thought about going into the world to do the work that is mine to do, I found myself sinking into the shades of gray. Maybe my spiritual work isn't to love everyone. Maybe it isn't to learn how to love my mother differently. Maybe it isn't even to not be frightened by scary-weird people. Maybe it is to say, "I deserve better than this."
Right now, I am stuck in the "how to know." I truly do believe that it is our work to love those who come onto our paths--to raise the level of love on the planet. How else can we make the world a better place? Yet, I am also sure that God wants us to love ourselves. Yet to allow someone to continue bringing misery into my life isn't raising the level of love.
Some would say that we should just let the meanness roll over us and to not allow it to make me miserable. I may even have said that a few dozen times myself. Now I have learned that isn't so easily done. When someone pummels me, day in and day out for years, I do feel the pain. Maybe my work is to say, "I deserve better."
Today, I sit with what my work is. Once it was very clear that I am to love. When I was much younger, my work was just to survive. Both very black and white. Today, I sink into the shades of gray and listen for a new Truth.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Discovering the Truth About Ourselves
"Discovering the Truth about Ourselves" was jotted on a pad beside my computer. I use it to capture ideas I have while in the bath or cooking or in the middle of the night when I don't really have time to blog, but I don't really want to lose the thought. Most of the time when I sit to write the ideas just flow. Today, I sat and looked at this one for a while. I actually have some current thoughts about the topic, but for the life of me, I just can't remember what my original intention had been. Maybe it will come.
I've been in a personal growth training this week. Yesterday was very slow. Today we got the results of two different assessments. One of them was a 360. If you aren't familiar with a 360, feedback is solicited from people all around me: my boss, my peers, a customer, and a coach that I have mentored. The customer didn't get his input submitted in time for the report I received today, but the others did.
People, who I have coached, that have had a 360 assessment often discover they've had blind spots. Feedback is often painful, so I thought I had steeled myself for the worst. I was wrong. Some of the items didn't surprise me. I don't take time to socialize because I work 11- and 12-hour days and almost never even have time for lunch. I totally own that I make the decision that it is more important for me to leave after 12 hours than to chat and leave after 12 and a half.
I also got feedback that I don't mentor. Same reasons apply, plus my field requires a graduate degree so it is not very practical to mentor someone without a bachelor's degree to do organizational development. I had mentored the afore-mentioned coach for 10 hours and spent several more hours listening to his recorded sessions, but I don't talk about it. Except for the person I coached, probably none of the others knew. I am not sure what to do about that, but I can't see that I am going to publish (except anonymously in this post) that I am mentoring someone. That is between me and the person with whom I am working.
What was really painful though was feedback that I received that I don't care about people. I am not sure what kind of armor I've been stepping into lately that people have been seeing, but I bleed when people are hurting. I lose sleep over a sleight.
Actually, that's not quite true. I have given this reflection over the last few hours. I do know what kind of armor I've been stepping into: it is the armor that gets me through those long days. I just put my nose down and stay focused. No one looking at me would know that my heart is aching at the end of a day of listening to people in pain from their workplace. That is what I carry home with me. It is the truth about me, and discovering it wasn't fun. Yet, as I said a few days ago ("Growth Spurt," 9/6,) I am ready to grow. I can't do anything about this perception if I don't know about it.
The executive, who launched our program Monday morning, said something that really stuck a chord with me and has given me an important lesson. She said that just before her first child was born, she worked late. She put together packages of urgent projects with post-it notes containing instructions. When she returned five months later, two of the urgent projects were just where she left them. She said that she learned right then that no matter how important a project seemed to be, most of the time, it can wait.
A few days ago I wrote that on the first of September I was no longer going to work the killer hours.("Boundary Issues," 9/4) The executive's words simply reinforced that decision. The 360 feedback reinforced it even more. It is time for me to take time to let the people around me know the person inside the armor and not the one they've been seeing and experiencing over the last year.
Even though the feedback was painful, it has served as a painful reminder that if I forget who I am, no one else has a chance to see me.
I've been in a personal growth training this week. Yesterday was very slow. Today we got the results of two different assessments. One of them was a 360. If you aren't familiar with a 360, feedback is solicited from people all around me: my boss, my peers, a customer, and a coach that I have mentored. The customer didn't get his input submitted in time for the report I received today, but the others did.
People, who I have coached, that have had a 360 assessment often discover they've had blind spots. Feedback is often painful, so I thought I had steeled myself for the worst. I was wrong. Some of the items didn't surprise me. I don't take time to socialize because I work 11- and 12-hour days and almost never even have time for lunch. I totally own that I make the decision that it is more important for me to leave after 12 hours than to chat and leave after 12 and a half.
I also got feedback that I don't mentor. Same reasons apply, plus my field requires a graduate degree so it is not very practical to mentor someone without a bachelor's degree to do organizational development. I had mentored the afore-mentioned coach for 10 hours and spent several more hours listening to his recorded sessions, but I don't talk about it. Except for the person I coached, probably none of the others knew. I am not sure what to do about that, but I can't see that I am going to publish (except anonymously in this post) that I am mentoring someone. That is between me and the person with whom I am working.
What was really painful though was feedback that I received that I don't care about people. I am not sure what kind of armor I've been stepping into lately that people have been seeing, but I bleed when people are hurting. I lose sleep over a sleight.
Actually, that's not quite true. I have given this reflection over the last few hours. I do know what kind of armor I've been stepping into: it is the armor that gets me through those long days. I just put my nose down and stay focused. No one looking at me would know that my heart is aching at the end of a day of listening to people in pain from their workplace. That is what I carry home with me. It is the truth about me, and discovering it wasn't fun. Yet, as I said a few days ago ("Growth Spurt," 9/6,) I am ready to grow. I can't do anything about this perception if I don't know about it.
The executive, who launched our program Monday morning, said something that really stuck a chord with me and has given me an important lesson. She said that just before her first child was born, she worked late. She put together packages of urgent projects with post-it notes containing instructions. When she returned five months later, two of the urgent projects were just where she left them. She said that she learned right then that no matter how important a project seemed to be, most of the time, it can wait.
A few days ago I wrote that on the first of September I was no longer going to work the killer hours.("Boundary Issues," 9/4) The executive's words simply reinforced that decision. The 360 feedback reinforced it even more. It is time for me to take time to let the people around me know the person inside the armor and not the one they've been seeing and experiencing over the last year.
Even though the feedback was painful, it has served as a painful reminder that if I forget who I am, no one else has a chance to see me.
Friday, May 2, 2014
My Legacy
I attended a conference today--an organization development (OD) conference. These are odd gatherings. Most of us work in the world of business, whether it is in enterprise or like I do in government in the world of the people's business. Yet, OD crosses barriers unlike most other professions. On one level we work on making organizations better very much in the here, now, and tangible world while on the other level we do the sacred work of soul and spirit in our workplaces. Most of us don't talk about it a lot except with each other, but that is what we do.
Unlike most others, I did write and speak of the spiritual dimensions of work a lot...in the 1990s. Three books and lots of speeches. That was a time when I had a very clear sense of my purpose and the legacy I was here to leave. That was then; now is now. I seemed to have lost touch with my life's intention. I still do many of the same tasks and activities, but they feel like going through the motions in the physical world instead of filling me with passion, zeal, and purpose in my very soul as they once did.
The life got tough about a dozen years ago, and somehow in the struggle to just get by, I lost all of that. One of my coaching clients once talked about it as losing her spark. That's a good metaphor, because it does seem like I've lost my fire most of the time.
This morning I glimpsed again. Although I felt like I should be a in a session about organizational resistance, but instead I went to one on legacy. It ended up it wasn't about "legacy" at all, but that's OK. I got into the right head space anyway.
The focus of the conference was on innovation. I researched creativity/innovation and leadership in graduate school, and I think that is how I discovered my soul. Maybe it is more appropriate to say that I became conscious of my soul--awake to it. Creativity, it seems, is a deeply spiritual subject--not one that I could easily study without dipping into my own spirituality. Having those conversations today took me there again.
I had been so sure that I was on my path back then, and today I felt it so clearly again. For a while this evening, I wondered how I could have so lost touch with who I am, but as the hours passed, I knew. I have always been on my path. I just didn't know where the journey would take me and I did lose touch with the feeling of truly being alive--being me. But, in my heart I know that I've always been on my journey, I just didn't know I was. I hadn't focused my attention on that intention in a way that is spiritually ignorant--ignoring it, if you will.
We are all on our journeys...all the time: sometimes we just forget to notice and to honor the journey for what it is.
I wish I could say that I have a crystal clear view of my legacy. I don't. What I know now that I didn't know this morning is it is time for me to be conscious of being in my legacy...again. My soul yearns for it. Those who have been reading this blog know that for the last several months I've written about feeling "pregnant"--feeling something in me was about to be born or has been tightly in bud and wants to bloom. This evening I am sure it is more like waking up to what has been there all along. That is my legacy--not words to describe it--but really feeling it, stepping into it, being it. That is all there is.
Unlike most others, I did write and speak of the spiritual dimensions of work a lot...in the 1990s. Three books and lots of speeches. That was a time when I had a very clear sense of my purpose and the legacy I was here to leave. That was then; now is now. I seemed to have lost touch with my life's intention. I still do many of the same tasks and activities, but they feel like going through the motions in the physical world instead of filling me with passion, zeal, and purpose in my very soul as they once did.
The life got tough about a dozen years ago, and somehow in the struggle to just get by, I lost all of that. One of my coaching clients once talked about it as losing her spark. That's a good metaphor, because it does seem like I've lost my fire most of the time.
This morning I glimpsed again. Although I felt like I should be a in a session about organizational resistance, but instead I went to one on legacy. It ended up it wasn't about "legacy" at all, but that's OK. I got into the right head space anyway.
The focus of the conference was on innovation. I researched creativity/innovation and leadership in graduate school, and I think that is how I discovered my soul. Maybe it is more appropriate to say that I became conscious of my soul--awake to it. Creativity, it seems, is a deeply spiritual subject--not one that I could easily study without dipping into my own spirituality. Having those conversations today took me there again.
I had been so sure that I was on my path back then, and today I felt it so clearly again. For a while this evening, I wondered how I could have so lost touch with who I am, but as the hours passed, I knew. I have always been on my path. I just didn't know where the journey would take me and I did lose touch with the feeling of truly being alive--being me. But, in my heart I know that I've always been on my journey, I just didn't know I was. I hadn't focused my attention on that intention in a way that is spiritually ignorant--ignoring it, if you will.
We are all on our journeys...all the time: sometimes we just forget to notice and to honor the journey for what it is.
I wish I could say that I have a crystal clear view of my legacy. I don't. What I know now that I didn't know this morning is it is time for me to be conscious of being in my legacy...again. My soul yearns for it. Those who have been reading this blog know that for the last several months I've written about feeling "pregnant"--feeling something in me was about to be born or has been tightly in bud and wants to bloom. This evening I am sure it is more like waking up to what has been there all along. That is my legacy--not words to describe it--but really feeling it, stepping into it, being it. That is all there is.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Do I Exist?
Somewhere I heard the reason that we have primary relationships is to prove that we exist. I am not sure I would go so far as to say that is why we have those relationships, but, at least in my marriage, that was an important function. He encouraged, celebrated, commiserated, and a lot of other things with me, all of which had the function of "proving my existence."
As a woman of a certain age who has been single for nearly 20 years, I have had moments, especially when I was both living and working alone, when I wondered if it were true. Did I exist or was I just a figment of my imagination? Of course, physicists would tell us from a physical perspective nothing really exists, but those in the spiritual world would say the only parts that matter are our souls and spirits. Clearly, they exist, and yet, we can't prove it.
I've mentioned the set of eight affirmations that I am working on. I repeat them on my way to work, like saying the rosary. Over and over again, I repeat them. My first two are:
I was having a conversation earlier this week with a colleague who has a new painting in her office. The painting is of an aspen grove. I've been fascinated with aspen groves ever since learning that, although they may look like a lot of individual trees, in fact that are a single tree. As the common root system spreads out, it sends up shoots that look like independent trees, but they are in fact a unified whole.
I am beginning to "get" that this is how it is with Love. Love is to humankind as the common root structure is to the grove of aspen. Love gives us life. Love provides us with sustenance. Love connects all of us. Love makes us One. And, when we are connected to the Ultimate Love Source, we are safe and peaceful. All we need to remember is that we are safe, and then we will have peace.
That is why I think I don't exist...and it is a good thing. And, maybe that is what a primary relationship is about and how it proves that we exist: it gives us a reflection into our whole that we couldn't see otherwise. When it works right, it is a daily reminder and reflection that we are Love...we are all Love.
As a woman of a certain age who has been single for nearly 20 years, I have had moments, especially when I was both living and working alone, when I wondered if it were true. Did I exist or was I just a figment of my imagination? Of course, physicists would tell us from a physical perspective nothing really exists, but those in the spiritual world would say the only parts that matter are our souls and spirits. Clearly, they exist, and yet, we can't prove it.
I've mentioned the set of eight affirmations that I am working on. I repeat them on my way to work, like saying the rosary. Over and over again, I repeat them. My first two are:
- I am Love.
- The Truth is: we are all Love.
I was having a conversation earlier this week with a colleague who has a new painting in her office. The painting is of an aspen grove. I've been fascinated with aspen groves ever since learning that, although they may look like a lot of individual trees, in fact that are a single tree. As the common root system spreads out, it sends up shoots that look like independent trees, but they are in fact a unified whole.
I am beginning to "get" that this is how it is with Love. Love is to humankind as the common root structure is to the grove of aspen. Love gives us life. Love provides us with sustenance. Love connects all of us. Love makes us One. And, when we are connected to the Ultimate Love Source, we are safe and peaceful. All we need to remember is that we are safe, and then we will have peace.
That is why I think I don't exist...and it is a good thing. And, maybe that is what a primary relationship is about and how it proves that we exist: it gives us a reflection into our whole that we couldn't see otherwise. When it works right, it is a daily reminder and reflection that we are Love...we are all Love.
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