Sometime in 1993, I think it was, that I loaded the trunk of my car with five or six (maybe more) bankers boxes and drove two hours from Eugene to Portland, Oregon. I was delivering a professional treasure trove to a friend from graduate school.
Before going to graduate school I'd been a human resource (HR) director and employment manager. Actually, since I started working on my 16th birthday, I'd been working in HR. I developed skills and experience as a teenager that many of my peers wouldn't have for a decade. Because I had the experience, I ended up working my way through college in HR jobs. Then, that was where I got jobs afterward. I never even considered if I enjoyed these jobs, they were pretty good jobs in a small city that didn't have many good jobs. So, I did them.
Although I had the distinct intention when I returned to grad school that I would work in organization development (OD) when I finished, when I actually did finish and started my business, what I knew how to market was HR. So, not surprisingly, people hired me to do HR. Within a week of starting my business, I was booked three months in advance--what every new business owner hopes to happen. However, 18 months into the business, I realized that most of my projects had been the work I'd done before grad school and that I'd hoped to leave behind, rather than OD work that I had hoped to do.
I recall a crystallizing moment when I sat at my desk and knew I just couldn't/wouldn't do that work anymore.
In typical fashion, the Universe very shortly sent me two tests. I got two opportunities for work that were HR opportunities that I had just pledged not to do, and one of the projects was with a company I'd been trying to get work from since I'd hung out my shingle. I nicely declined, and I put each in touch with someone I knew who would do a good job for them.
Gulp! I hadn't turned work away before. Then, crickets....for about two weeks. I stood my ground and waited.
Finally, the calls started. Two nice OD jobs landed in the same week, and each would be four- to six-month assignments. I had turned the corner. During that quiet two weeks the temptation to go out and market had been great, but I stayed true to what my heart was telling me.
All that is the background for my trip to Portland. My friend did want to do HR consulting, but had only been working in the field since we graduated. I called her and said I wasn't going to take anymore HR projects. I had a lot of books, articles, and other resources. Did she want them? She was delighted. In that two-hour road trip, I separated from my HR umbilical cord.
Last Sunday afternoon I sat on the floor of my bedroom closet, trying to figure out what did and what did not feel like it was part of my future. I was able to throw away about a box and half of stuff that I would never have packed up if I'd had taken time to sort before packing. (See Endings/ Beginnings, 11/25/16.) There were things that left me stone cold, like the four-inch thick federal procurement manual. Definitely not feeling it in my future. And, there were a very few items, like the book Awakening the Heroes Within by Carol Pearson, that I would have loved to sit and devour in the moment. Definite save those.
In the zone somewhere between "definitely go" and "definitely stay," was a box into which I put the gray zone items. I just didn't know...or at least I didn't think I knew.
As gently as the moment 23 years ago, when I knew in an instant that I could no longer take HR projects, I knew "No! Not that!! None of it...." None of what was in the gray zone is part of my future. I will continue to go through boxes to make sure there are no "definitely stay" items, but I expect that almost none of it will stay.
I don't like to throw things away...especially books, but this time I have no one that I can pass my resources on to like I did my grad school friend. To just throw things away will really be an exercise for me, but I know there is no turning back. I have less clarity about what will be in my life after December 21 than I do what won't, but 23 years ago, I had to sit and wait for two weeks...and then I did know what I wanted my future would be.
For at least a year I've been saying that I felt pregnant. Now I've never been pregnant, so I am not sure how I know what the feels like, but it does feel like something is gestating deep inside me, and it wants to be born. I just don't know what.
I've written that our hearts are the compass to our lives and written on the backs for each of us is what is our true north--what is exactly right for us. The only thing I have clarity about right now is that I need to clear out the static which keeps me from hearing what is next.
Earlier this week I was doing an exercise in the workplace setting where a colleague and I were supposed to interview each other. The first question she asked was, "What are you hungry for?" I didn't think even a split second before saying, "Time, sleep, exercise, meditation..." Those were not thoughts; that was truth, completely skipping my brain and spewing forth without thought. I just knew. Like I just know what isn't in my future.
Every item on my "hungry" list was an activity that help me hear where the compass on the back side of my heart is pointing me--helping me connect with whatever is gestating.
I will continue cleaning out, even knowing that I will throw good stuff out to just remove it from my energy field. When December 21 arrives, I want to send a very clear message to my heart that I am getting rid of static. Then, I will bring in the static-clearing activities that I shared with my interview partner. That is my future.
Showing posts with label listening. Show all posts
Showing posts with label listening. Show all posts
Friday, December 2, 2016
Monday, September 29, 2014
Listening Deeply
Readers: please note that this post should have been posted early. My challenges with technology resulted in it laying in drafts. I hope it will provide continuity to this current pilgrimage that may have been missing.
From sometime in 1995 or 1996 until June 1998, I frequently heard messages in my meditations that I should go to a country in which English was not a dominant language. I was to take no credit cards and very little cash. I was to take one carry-on bag and to follow where I was led. Mostly, I ignored.
Those were days when I was writing and generating more outflow than income. Even though I was to take little cash and no credit cards, I thought I couldn't afford such a venture.
In June of 1998 I worked a conference in Greece--very, very long hours. After four days, the conference moved from Athens to the Greek island of Rhodes late at night. I was fatigued and almost immediately fell asleep. Suddenly, I was awakened by a booming voice. It repeated the messages I'd been getting, but this time with more specificity. "You are to come back to Greece before summer's end...with little cash and no credit cards." More details followed.
Awakened from a deep sleep, I sat bolt up in my plane seat. Looking around at a sea of sleeping passengers, I was shocked that I appeared to be the only one awakened by the commanding voice.
Really?!
I got it. When I returned from my business trip, I immediately made air reservations to return for 30 days, the minimum time for which I'd been directed. I'd been given a number of other details, to which I rendered complete attention. The rest amounted to nothing less than a mystical adventure, much more of which will be detailed in my memoir. Suffice it to say, I've never been the same since that journey.
In early spring of this year, I was exhausted and began shopping for a trip. I am a bargain/adventure traveler, since 1998 most often traveling to a foreign airport and going wherever spirit leads. For weeks I shopped travel sites, looking for bargain air fares. In at least two months, the best fares kept coming up to Athens.
I wasn't sure that I was ready for what another Greek adventure promised. Finally, I relented. As soon as I booked, a plethora of other destinations presented, so I was certain I was supposed to be in Greece again.
Three months ago I picked up two travel guides to Greece, but was totally uninterested in them until three weeks ago. Somehow I knew it would be clear to me where to go.
On more than one occasion, I've heard the big booming directive; those are easy for me to follow. Harder are the subtler signs. I've written at length about how guidance comes to us, but over the last several days, I've thought I was receiving contradictory messages. I talked with a friend about which was true. I prayed about it yet no clarity came.
I've written that when several people give similar advice, it is probably more than human advice. Four people have urged specifically that I go to Crete and Santorini. Those two islands from more than 300 Greek islands. Yet that just didn't seem right.
Then three weeks ago I found a note from a friend, written in 1998, urging me to go to Galaxidhi at that time. I swear that I don't remember ever seeing the note before. Was finding it now "a sign?" I went to the referenced website, but it didn't seem quite right either.
For several years, I've thought of going to the Peloponnese. Galaxidhi was close, but not quite right. When I read about the Peloponnese in my guide books, two little towns jumped off the pages. One of my friends, who had urged Crete and Santorini, told me I didn't want to go there. I have just let decisions go, being certain that "where" would be clear to me when I needed to know.
Friday I traveled to Athens. I don't sleep in planes so Saturday evening I fell into bed at 8, some 37 hours without sleep. I had no idea what was next, but as I fell asleep, I set the intention that I would know in the morning.
I awakened slightly at 6 this morning, long enough to "rest" myself and fall back asleep, but with no clarity yet as to where I was to go. At 10:15, after the long sleep for which my body yearned, I sat right up in bed, and in an instant I knew where I was to go: the two towns in the Peloponnese that I'd felt were right in the beginning.
I jumped up and looked in the guidebook for commuting details. I quickly gathered my things, got directions to the bus terminal, and sped off, arriving at my bus just 8 minutes before it departed.
After just a few hours here, I know this is right. I do not know what else awaits me on this peninsula-turned-island, but I know enough that I can feel in my bones that what I knew in my heart from the beginning is right. I literally "fell" into a little hotel with a lovely garden this afternoon shortly after arriving. I think I will extend for another day, but that won't be clear until morning. I'm OK with that.
As I surrender my need to know once again, I find an incredible freedom and relaxation. Without itinerary or schedules to meet, there is nothing to stress me. I need only be in the present. Earlier this evening, I truly enjoyed a marvelous meal, followed by a walk along the Argolic Gulf, as the sun slipped into the horizon. I chuckled at swimmers below me over the cliffs and wondered at the cacti, which were about to bloom so near the water. Absolutely nothing distracting me from the moment.
My intention as this new cycle begins is to open my heart and find intimacy and love. I guess those things begin being here, wherever I am. For now, that is where I am.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
From sometime in 1995 or 1996 until June 1998, I frequently heard messages in my meditations that I should go to a country in which English was not a dominant language. I was to take no credit cards and very little cash. I was to take one carry-on bag and to follow where I was led. Mostly, I ignored.
Those were days when I was writing and generating more outflow than income. Even though I was to take little cash and no credit cards, I thought I couldn't afford such a venture.
In June of 1998 I worked a conference in Greece--very, very long hours. After four days, the conference moved from Athens to the Greek island of Rhodes late at night. I was fatigued and almost immediately fell asleep. Suddenly, I was awakened by a booming voice. It repeated the messages I'd been getting, but this time with more specificity. "You are to come back to Greece before summer's end...with little cash and no credit cards." More details followed.
Awakened from a deep sleep, I sat bolt up in my plane seat. Looking around at a sea of sleeping passengers, I was shocked that I appeared to be the only one awakened by the commanding voice.
Really?!
I got it. When I returned from my business trip, I immediately made air reservations to return for 30 days, the minimum time for which I'd been directed. I'd been given a number of other details, to which I rendered complete attention. The rest amounted to nothing less than a mystical adventure, much more of which will be detailed in my memoir. Suffice it to say, I've never been the same since that journey.
In early spring of this year, I was exhausted and began shopping for a trip. I am a bargain/adventure traveler, since 1998 most often traveling to a foreign airport and going wherever spirit leads. For weeks I shopped travel sites, looking for bargain air fares. In at least two months, the best fares kept coming up to Athens.
I wasn't sure that I was ready for what another Greek adventure promised. Finally, I relented. As soon as I booked, a plethora of other destinations presented, so I was certain I was supposed to be in Greece again.
Three months ago I picked up two travel guides to Greece, but was totally uninterested in them until three weeks ago. Somehow I knew it would be clear to me where to go.
On more than one occasion, I've heard the big booming directive; those are easy for me to follow. Harder are the subtler signs. I've written at length about how guidance comes to us, but over the last several days, I've thought I was receiving contradictory messages. I talked with a friend about which was true. I prayed about it yet no clarity came.
I've written that when several people give similar advice, it is probably more than human advice. Four people have urged specifically that I go to Crete and Santorini. Those two islands from more than 300 Greek islands. Yet that just didn't seem right.
Then three weeks ago I found a note from a friend, written in 1998, urging me to go to Galaxidhi at that time. I swear that I don't remember ever seeing the note before. Was finding it now "a sign?" I went to the referenced website, but it didn't seem quite right either.
For several years, I've thought of going to the Peloponnese. Galaxidhi was close, but not quite right. When I read about the Peloponnese in my guide books, two little towns jumped off the pages. One of my friends, who had urged Crete and Santorini, told me I didn't want to go there. I have just let decisions go, being certain that "where" would be clear to me when I needed to know.
Friday I traveled to Athens. I don't sleep in planes so Saturday evening I fell into bed at 8, some 37 hours without sleep. I had no idea what was next, but as I fell asleep, I set the intention that I would know in the morning.
I awakened slightly at 6 this morning, long enough to "rest" myself and fall back asleep, but with no clarity yet as to where I was to go. At 10:15, after the long sleep for which my body yearned, I sat right up in bed, and in an instant I knew where I was to go: the two towns in the Peloponnese that I'd felt were right in the beginning.
I jumped up and looked in the guidebook for commuting details. I quickly gathered my things, got directions to the bus terminal, and sped off, arriving at my bus just 8 minutes before it departed.
After just a few hours here, I know this is right. I do not know what else awaits me on this peninsula-turned-island, but I know enough that I can feel in my bones that what I knew in my heart from the beginning is right. I literally "fell" into a little hotel with a lovely garden this afternoon shortly after arriving. I think I will extend for another day, but that won't be clear until morning. I'm OK with that.
As I surrender my need to know once again, I find an incredible freedom and relaxation. Without itinerary or schedules to meet, there is nothing to stress me. I need only be in the present. Earlier this evening, I truly enjoyed a marvelous meal, followed by a walk along the Argolic Gulf, as the sun slipped into the horizon. I chuckled at swimmers below me over the cliffs and wondered at the cacti, which were about to bloom so near the water. Absolutely nothing distracting me from the moment.
My intention as this new cycle begins is to open my heart and find intimacy and love. I guess those things begin being here, wherever I am. For now, that is where I am.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Showing Up
"Just write!" For over 20 years I've had a file, named "Just write!" on whatever was my then-current computer. When I needed to write something--a chapter in a book, a newspaper column, or an article for my employer newsletter--and didn't feel inspired, I'd just open that file and start writing whatever came to my mind without any censorship. Once I started writing, the words always started flowing, and by the time I'd finished, I usually had some really good material. Of course, I usually had to heavily edit or even cut the beginning, but when I totally surrendered to my muse, magic happened.
Since I started writing this blog almost four months ago, I've almost never been at a loss for words. Often times, I'll have a waking thought, hear a phrase that resonates with me, or even feel myself inspired by another topic after I've posted and turned off my computer at night. I keep a list, and most of the time, when I just look at the list, something inspires me. I like some of the topics on my current list, but none feel right for today. When I listened, what I heard was "just write!" This may be my inner knowing's equivalent of Woody Allen's "80 percent of life is just showing up."
What to say? It's always been important for me to write just exactly what I hear. Like, "what to say?" Then, more comes. I am very tired. It has been a very busy week, and the first in several weeks during which we've worked five days. A lot of potential clients decide that the start of the year is a good time to work with their teams, like a professional New Year's Resolution. I still struggle with an eye that hasn't worked well for some time and seems to be even worse since September surgery. It is very tired tonight. This all feels like drivel to me. Why don't I just give it up tonight? Because "80 percent of life is just showing up," when I don't feel like it and don't have anything to say.
I will spare you any more drivel, but will leave with this thought: where in my life/where in your life is it time to just show up? I am sure this relates to yesterday's listening. Just listen to where it is time for you to show up...and then show up!
Since I started writing this blog almost four months ago, I've almost never been at a loss for words. Often times, I'll have a waking thought, hear a phrase that resonates with me, or even feel myself inspired by another topic after I've posted and turned off my computer at night. I keep a list, and most of the time, when I just look at the list, something inspires me. I like some of the topics on my current list, but none feel right for today. When I listened, what I heard was "just write!" This may be my inner knowing's equivalent of Woody Allen's "80 percent of life is just showing up."
What to say? It's always been important for me to write just exactly what I hear. Like, "what to say?" Then, more comes. I am very tired. It has been a very busy week, and the first in several weeks during which we've worked five days. A lot of potential clients decide that the start of the year is a good time to work with their teams, like a professional New Year's Resolution. I still struggle with an eye that hasn't worked well for some time and seems to be even worse since September surgery. It is very tired tonight. This all feels like drivel to me. Why don't I just give it up tonight? Because "80 percent of life is just showing up," when I don't feel like it and don't have anything to say.
I will spare you any more drivel, but will leave with this thought: where in my life/where in your life is it time to just show up? I am sure this relates to yesterday's listening. Just listen to where it is time for you to show up...and then show up!
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Listening
One of the hardest things that I've wrestled with is listening to my wisdom. We have different kinds of wisdom. Spiritual wisdom, physical wisdom, emotional wisdom--all we really need is inside of us. We just need to listen...and act on what we hear.
Over the years, I've been very good at listening sometimes. When I was told to fly to North Carolina on October 19, 1993, I got up in the middle of the night and made reservations. When I heard to build a house on a particular lot, I wrote a check for the deposit. Even totally giving up eating wheat was fairly short order. The big things have usually been the easiest for me for some reason. As it works out, the rewards have been huge as well.
That I should avoid eating sugar, I struggle with even though I know that I feel better without it. And, career management is really hard to let go of. A few weeks ago my boss's boss told me to apply for a certain job. It would have been a promotion, but I knew it wasn't right. I spent 20 hours completing the application process, knowing that it was wrong. Really!
I am not alone in this challenge. I've had a coaching client who knew he should break up with his fiancé, but she was nice arm jewelry so he didn't. I've had clients who knew but pretended to be confused, and others needed to know "Why?" or how it would work out. It took me two and a half years of hearing that I should move to Washington before I did it. (I love it here!) When we listen, that is all we need to know. Listening is really where we step into our power.
Today, my body is telling me that it is very tired, and I should go to bed. The time is the bedtime of a third grader. Tonight I listen and go to bed very early.
Over the years, I've been very good at listening sometimes. When I was told to fly to North Carolina on October 19, 1993, I got up in the middle of the night and made reservations. When I heard to build a house on a particular lot, I wrote a check for the deposit. Even totally giving up eating wheat was fairly short order. The big things have usually been the easiest for me for some reason. As it works out, the rewards have been huge as well.
That I should avoid eating sugar, I struggle with even though I know that I feel better without it. And, career management is really hard to let go of. A few weeks ago my boss's boss told me to apply for a certain job. It would have been a promotion, but I knew it wasn't right. I spent 20 hours completing the application process, knowing that it was wrong. Really!
I am not alone in this challenge. I've had a coaching client who knew he should break up with his fiancé, but she was nice arm jewelry so he didn't. I've had clients who knew but pretended to be confused, and others needed to know "Why?" or how it would work out. It took me two and a half years of hearing that I should move to Washington before I did it. (I love it here!) When we listen, that is all we need to know. Listening is really where we step into our power.
Today, my body is telling me that it is very tired, and I should go to bed. The time is the bedtime of a third grader. Tonight I listen and go to bed very early.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Making Time for Intention
A friend who lives across the country and I talk every week or two. This evening we talked about what gets in the way of living our intentions. There are many things, but (should we be surprised?) anything that takes us out of the present moment keeps us from living our intentions.
To live with intention implies allowing ourselves to be led to our vision. Way too often what gets in the way are the demands of the to-do list. If we spend our days racing from one item on the to-do list to the next, following where we are led gets squeezed out. If we are really open to intention, we frequently stop to ask, "What would you have me do now?" or "Which way should I walk?" or even "Who in this building full of people I don't know should I connect with?" Allowing ourselves to be led by the answers we receive. My friend described "the dance between demands of the to-do list and allowing."
Nearly as often what gets in the way are habits. I am accustomed to going to the same Metro station, making the same changes, stopping at the store on the way home, and checking the mail before I get home. Then I start another round of habits. Empty the dirty dishes from my lunch from my bag, make coffee and lunch for tomorrow, make something for dinner, and sit to watch the Stephen Colbert and John Stewart episodes from the night before while I eat. Then there is the set of clean-up-after-dinner habits. You get the idea: I move from one set of habits to the next until, eventually, I fall into bed. Most of this is so totally autopilot that I forget to ask the, "What-would-you-have-me-do?" questions.
I do better on the weekends, but that means that 5/7 of my life, I am missing the opportunity to follow.
Of course, the perfect distraction from living with intention is to combine the two: be perpetually overbooked so that we habitually move from one appointment to the next without thinking.
Perhaps one of the reasons that I so enjoy writing this blog is because I just sit and listen. Living with intention is about listening--listening to what you know in your heart. Making time for intention is making time to listen and allowing time to follow what you know in your heart.
To live with intention implies allowing ourselves to be led to our vision. Way too often what gets in the way are the demands of the to-do list. If we spend our days racing from one item on the to-do list to the next, following where we are led gets squeezed out. If we are really open to intention, we frequently stop to ask, "What would you have me do now?" or "Which way should I walk?" or even "Who in this building full of people I don't know should I connect with?" Allowing ourselves to be led by the answers we receive. My friend described "the dance between demands of the to-do list and allowing."
Nearly as often what gets in the way are habits. I am accustomed to going to the same Metro station, making the same changes, stopping at the store on the way home, and checking the mail before I get home. Then I start another round of habits. Empty the dirty dishes from my lunch from my bag, make coffee and lunch for tomorrow, make something for dinner, and sit to watch the Stephen Colbert and John Stewart episodes from the night before while I eat. Then there is the set of clean-up-after-dinner habits. You get the idea: I move from one set of habits to the next until, eventually, I fall into bed. Most of this is so totally autopilot that I forget to ask the, "What-would-you-have-me-do?" questions.
I do better on the weekends, but that means that 5/7 of my life, I am missing the opportunity to follow.
Of course, the perfect distraction from living with intention is to combine the two: be perpetually overbooked so that we habitually move from one appointment to the next without thinking.
Perhaps one of the reasons that I so enjoy writing this blog is because I just sit and listen. Living with intention is about listening--listening to what you know in your heart. Making time for intention is making time to listen and allowing time to follow what you know in your heart.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Day-to-Day Courage
Spiritual teacher Carolyn Myss has said the most important lesson we have to learn is to be present. If being present seems like a theme in this blog, that is only because so many spiritual paths lead to the same place: the need to be present.
Yesterday I wrote about the pity party I'd had when attempting to "be still!" What a waste of energy! It is probably early in the second half of my life, and anyone who watches any kind of game or match knows that the only thing that counts is the score at the end. My pity party was looking backward and what hadn't gone the way I thought it should have or fretting about the future. In the present all is well.
"March to the beat of a different drummer" is how Thoreau put it. Scott Peck and Robert Frost described it as "The Road Less Traveled." The customized recipe for a life well lived is written on the back of each heart. (See "Partnering With Our Hearts, 10/5/2013) The recipe is revealed to me, one step at a time, after the stillness as I ask for guidance in the moment. My recipe would not be the same as those of others. I need to do what I need to do right now without having a clue what the outcome will be or how it connects with anything else. Success can only be judged at the end of the game.
The word courage derives from the word for "heart." It takes a lot of courage to listen to the heart and follow it, without regard to the past or the future...just being in the here and now. That is why it is so important for us to be present in the present, acting with the day-to-day courage to live the life our souls came to live.
At the end of my life--not at half-time or three-quarter time or even two minutes from the end of my game, I want to judge my success by what I gave and how I evolved my soul, not by anything else...no matter how much courage it takes. So far, there have been times when this journey has taken more courage than I could imagine ever having. But being present in each moment, I took leaps of faith that I would never have taken if I'd thought about it. It will continue to take courage. How can I not have the courage to live my well-lived life?
Yesterday I wrote about the pity party I'd had when attempting to "be still!" What a waste of energy! It is probably early in the second half of my life, and anyone who watches any kind of game or match knows that the only thing that counts is the score at the end. My pity party was looking backward and what hadn't gone the way I thought it should have or fretting about the future. In the present all is well.
"March to the beat of a different drummer" is how Thoreau put it. Scott Peck and Robert Frost described it as "The Road Less Traveled." The customized recipe for a life well lived is written on the back of each heart. (See "Partnering With Our Hearts, 10/5/2013) The recipe is revealed to me, one step at a time, after the stillness as I ask for guidance in the moment. My recipe would not be the same as those of others. I need to do what I need to do right now without having a clue what the outcome will be or how it connects with anything else. Success can only be judged at the end of the game.
The word courage derives from the word for "heart." It takes a lot of courage to listen to the heart and follow it, without regard to the past or the future...just being in the here and now. That is why it is so important for us to be present in the present, acting with the day-to-day courage to live the life our souls came to live.
At the end of my life--not at half-time or three-quarter time or even two minutes from the end of my game, I want to judge my success by what I gave and how I evolved my soul, not by anything else...no matter how much courage it takes. So far, there have been times when this journey has taken more courage than I could imagine ever having. But being present in each moment, I took leaps of faith that I would never have taken if I'd thought about it. It will continue to take courage. How can I not have the courage to live my well-lived life?
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Be still! Know!
When I sat today and listened, I heard: "Be still and know that I am God" from Psalm 46. I smiled. How many times have I talked with my intentional living intensive clients about these words. Somewhere in the course of the three-day intensives, my spiritual coaching clients would hear these words, and we would talk. Usually, we would talk about stilling the noise of the world and taking time in prayer and meditation. I know I don't spend nearly enough time being still and knowing God in that way.
In Exodus 3:13 Moses asks God in the form of a burning bush who he should tell the Israelites has sent him, God replies in the next verse, "I am who I am." Depending on where my client went, sometimes we would talk about the reference of "I AM." I've often pondered God's humor, which I think is significant. How could it not be? Was God trying to tell us that each of us (who I am) is part of God? If so, was the Psalm reference God saying that we should spend more time knowing our godliness? I don't spend enough time there either.
In the Jewish mystical tradition of Kabbalah, God is a verb**. What if 'God' is a verb? Not an entity or state, but an action. What if "God" as "I am" is a verb that says who each of us chooses to be is how others experience God? If God is a verb, how have I been doing on "God-ding" today? I am afraid that often the answer isn't what I would like it to be.
This morning when I heard "Be still and know that I am God," I instantly plugged in to all of these old conversations and thoughts and pondered for a bit more before asking, "What more am I to know?" The answer: "Google it!" God does have a sense of humor. :-)
Obediently, I went to Google and found a description of the Hebrew meaning of the phrase. The verbs "be still" and "know" are imperative forms that might more appropriately translated "Be still!" and "Know!"* These words were not gentle suggestions: they were orders and strong ones at that. I was struck speechless. I am ordered to be still. I am ordered to know the nature of God. I don't think this order was intended to be an activity that I fit in after work, exercise, dinner, making lunch and coffee for the next day, and watching yesterday's episode of "The Daily Show."
Whether we may think of God as a field of Love that connects us all, which I do, or we think of God as an old white man with a white beard, or various other possibilities, we are ordered to be still and know God. Maybe it is just knowing the God in each of us. We are ordered to still our minds, let all the clutter from the world around us drop away, and "know! God." I wonder if our world would be as crazy and violent if everyone of us followed our orders to "be still!" and "know!" before we go into the world each day. "Being still!" and "knowing!" is a priority, not something that we fit in if we are not so tired from all the other stuff that we fall asleep, as happened to me yesterday.
For years, I've taken at least a few minutes almost every morning to meditate, but in truth, more often than not, those few minutes are exhausted by just calming my mind from the rush of starting my day. If I am to really "be still!" and "know!" then I will need to take more time. Really?! I already get up at 5:20 more mornings. I am not sure I can get up earlier. Or, it seems to me that maybe this is really about focusing my intention on paying attention in a different way. I expect that if I focused my attention on knowing the God in me, all that other mind chatter would just fall away. Ah! I suspect that is it.
*http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Meditations/Be_Still/be_still.html
**God Is a Verb: Kabbalah and the Practice of Mystical Judaism by David A. Cooper
In Exodus 3:13 Moses asks God in the form of a burning bush who he should tell the Israelites has sent him, God replies in the next verse, "I am who I am." Depending on where my client went, sometimes we would talk about the reference of "I AM." I've often pondered God's humor, which I think is significant. How could it not be? Was God trying to tell us that each of us (who I am) is part of God? If so, was the Psalm reference God saying that we should spend more time knowing our godliness? I don't spend enough time there either.
In the Jewish mystical tradition of Kabbalah, God is a verb**. What if 'God' is a verb? Not an entity or state, but an action. What if "God" as "I am" is a verb that says who each of us chooses to be is how others experience God? If God is a verb, how have I been doing on "God-ding" today? I am afraid that often the answer isn't what I would like it to be.
This morning when I heard "Be still and know that I am God," I instantly plugged in to all of these old conversations and thoughts and pondered for a bit more before asking, "What more am I to know?" The answer: "Google it!" God does have a sense of humor. :-)
Obediently, I went to Google and found a description of the Hebrew meaning of the phrase. The verbs "be still" and "know" are imperative forms that might more appropriately translated "Be still!" and "Know!"* These words were not gentle suggestions: they were orders and strong ones at that. I was struck speechless. I am ordered to be still. I am ordered to know the nature of God. I don't think this order was intended to be an activity that I fit in after work, exercise, dinner, making lunch and coffee for the next day, and watching yesterday's episode of "The Daily Show."
Whether we may think of God as a field of Love that connects us all, which I do, or we think of God as an old white man with a white beard, or various other possibilities, we are ordered to be still and know God. Maybe it is just knowing the God in each of us. We are ordered to still our minds, let all the clutter from the world around us drop away, and "know! God." I wonder if our world would be as crazy and violent if everyone of us followed our orders to "be still!" and "know!" before we go into the world each day. "Being still!" and "knowing!" is a priority, not something that we fit in if we are not so tired from all the other stuff that we fall asleep, as happened to me yesterday.
For years, I've taken at least a few minutes almost every morning to meditate, but in truth, more often than not, those few minutes are exhausted by just calming my mind from the rush of starting my day. If I am to really "be still!" and "know!" then I will need to take more time. Really?! I already get up at 5:20 more mornings. I am not sure I can get up earlier. Or, it seems to me that maybe this is really about focusing my intention on paying attention in a different way. I expect that if I focused my attention on knowing the God in me, all that other mind chatter would just fall away. Ah! I suspect that is it.
*http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Meditations/Be_Still/be_still.html
**God Is a Verb: Kabbalah and the Practice of Mystical Judaism by David A. Cooper
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Doing nothing is doing something
I have four days off this weekend, and I came into this time with several big decisions to make. After each decision comes a time-consuming and deadline-driven project. I needed this chunk of time my long weekend would have provided to do the associated projects. The decisions may be life-changing and certainly life-altering. These are not decisions I want to make with my head, but instead, I want to be guided by what I know in my heart.
In an earlier post I apologized for making it sound so easy to follow the wisdom of our hearts. Today I sit and so far nothing has come, and three days of my project time have passed. The closest I've gotten is to hear the words "You know in your heart" over and again. I am sure I do but I am having a very hard time getting enough clarity to translate into something that is actionable in the project world.
As I write this post what comes to me is that "doing nothing" can be "doing something." I believe there is wisdom in the I Ching about acting by not acting. Our action orientation makes us believe that if our hearts tell us something, it must be something we can act upon. I think my heart is telling me to do nothing right now.
In an earlier post I apologized for making it sound so easy to follow the wisdom of our hearts. Today I sit and so far nothing has come, and three days of my project time have passed. The closest I've gotten is to hear the words "You know in your heart" over and again. I am sure I do but I am having a very hard time getting enough clarity to translate into something that is actionable in the project world.
As I write this post what comes to me is that "doing nothing" can be "doing something." I believe there is wisdom in the I Ching about acting by not acting. Our action orientation makes us believe that if our hearts tell us something, it must be something we can act upon. I think my heart is telling me to do nothing right now.
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