Radical Gratitude

I just spent a lovely, relaxed evening with friends--chili, cornbread, prosecco with a Hallmark movie. Eleven years ago, I didn't know they existed; yet, for most of the intervening years, we've spent holidays as if we were family. In truth, we are family.  Last week I enjoyed leftovers and a movie with a different friend that I didn't know existed 11 years ago.  How interesting to me that people who are so special--and these are certainly not the only ones--weave into our lives effortlessly.

By the grace of God.

A couple days ago, I wrote about the sacred space our group created at our Theology on Tap gathering.  While it was an extraordinary experience, my conversation after our adjournment triggered a memory in me that had lapsed over the years.  After the adjournment, I talked with the Bishop,  and he shared with me the concept of "radical gratitude."  I was puzzled when he first said the term.  I asked about it.

Radical gratitude, he said, is looking at the things we have to be grateful for as a result of things that happened in our lives that we consider to be bad or negative.   Then, being able to be grateful for those things because of the gifts that we received as a result of the "bad" events.  How quickly I resonated with the concept.

Every Intentional Living Intensive that I facilitated was unique.  I was guided what exercises to do with each participant.  Yet, there were several that almost all of my clients participated in.  One was what I called the Extreme Gratitude exercise.  I would start by working with the client to identify a situation that he/she considered "the worst thing that had happened" to them.  Then, we would tease out all the good things that had occurred because of that "bad" situation.

I can recall one man sitting with tears rolling down his cheeks as we identified many wonderful things that had resulted because of his "bad" situation.  How interesting to think that something just a few minutes early we considered personally devastating, and then to discover what a gift it had been. Radical gratitude...what an appropriate term.

In the documentary "Happy!" about which I've written several times this week, the concept that bad things happen to happy people was discussed. They happen, and happy people respond appropriately...and then they bounce back.  I think that a key piece of the bouncing back is recognizing that whatever occurs on our paths is a gift, and each circumstance leads us to people and situations that could not have occurred without it.

Just as my clients discovered their gifts in difficult situations, I, too, have experienced radical gratitude. Had my business not failed in the dot.com bust, forcing me to move to Washington, none of these people who I value would have come into my life.  I would have missed all of the experiences that I've had in the last 11 years.

I am grateful...radically grateful...for the people with whom I spent this lovely evening and for the often uncomfortable circumstances that brought us together.

Be still! Know!

When I sat today and listened, I heard: "Be still and know that I am God" from Psalm 46.  I smiled.  How many times have I talked with my intentional living intensive clients about these words. Somewhere in the course of the three-day intensives, my spiritual coaching clients would hear these words, and we would talk.  Usually, we would talk about stilling the noise of the world and taking time in prayer and meditation.  I know I don't spend nearly enough time being still and knowing God in that way.

In Exodus 3:13 Moses asks God in the form of a burning bush who he should tell the Israelites has sent him, God replies in the next verse, "I am who I am."  Depending on where my client went, sometimes we would talk about the reference of "I AM."  I've often pondered God's humor, which I think is significant. How could it not be? Was God trying to tell us that each of us (who I am) is part of God?  If so, was the Psalm reference God saying that we should spend more time knowing our godliness? I don't spend enough time there either.

In the Jewish mystical tradition of Kabbalah, God is a verb**.  What if 'God' is a verb?  Not an entity or state, but an action.  What if "God" as "I am" is a verb that says who each of us chooses to be is how others experience God? If God is a verb, how have I been doing on "God-ding" today?  I am afraid that often the answer isn't what I would like it to be.

This morning when I heard "Be still and know that I am God," I instantly plugged in to all of these old conversations and thoughts and pondered for a bit more before asking, "What more am I to know?"  The answer: "Google it!"  God does have a sense of humor. :-)

Obediently, I went to Google and found a description of the Hebrew meaning of the phrase.  The verbs "be still" and "know" are imperative forms that might more appropriately translated "Be still!" and "Know!"* These words were not gentle suggestions: they were orders and strong ones at that.  I was struck speechless.  I am ordered to be still. I am ordered to know the nature of God.  I don't think this order was intended to be an activity that I fit in after work, exercise, dinner, making lunch and coffee for the next day, and watching yesterday's episode of "The Daily Show." 

Whether we may think of God as a field of Love that connects us all, which I do, or we think of God as an old white man with a white beard, or various other possibilities, we are ordered to be still and know God. Maybe it is just knowing the God in each of us. We are ordered to still our minds, let all the clutter from the world around us drop away, and "know! God." I wonder if our world would be as crazy and violent if everyone of us followed our orders to "be still!" and "know!" before we go into the world each day.  "Being still!" and "knowing!" is a priority, not something that we fit in if we are not so tired from all the other stuff that we fall asleep, as happened to me yesterday.

For years, I've taken at least a few minutes almost every morning to meditate, but in truth, more often than not, those few minutes are exhausted by just calming my mind from the rush of starting my day.  If I am to really "be still!" and "know!" then I will need to take more time.  Really?! I already get up at 5:20 more mornings.  I am not sure I can get up earlier.  Or, it seems to me that maybe this is really about focusing my intention on paying attention in a different way.   I expect that if I focused my attention on knowing the God in me, all that other mind chatter would just fall away. Ah! I suspect that is it.


*http://www.hebrew4christians.com/Meditations/Be_Still/be_still.html
**God Is a Verb: Kabbalah and the Practice of Mystical Judaism by David A. Cooper

Living with Intention

Today is a "free" day for me.  I took a day of leave just to BE.  My dreams were rich, and I had time to process them this morning instead of jumping out of bed to get ready for work.  The messages were clear. I must publish more on the BEing of a leader, the subject of Leading from the Heart, which has been out of print for over a dozen years.  I must write more on intention.  

The word or concept of "intention" has been overused by some as a concept that is something like what one speaker described as "using God as the great carhop in the sky," delivering whatever "stuff" we happen to think will bring happiness--a new car, a new house, a different job, a raise, or maybe even a soul mate.  When I use the term "intention," this is decidedly not what I mean.

To me, "intention" is sacred. To live with intention means to align with and act from purpose--what each of us comes into the world to be.  Think of intention as a contract we agreed to before coming into this world. Living with intention is acting, moment by moment, in accordance with guidance from our hearts about that intention.

I have a picture in my mind of each soul, before taking human form, sitting with the power of Love, looking out with legs dangling over something that looks like the Grand Canyon, and having a conversation that might go like this one that I think I had.

Me: "I'd like to go into the world as a human being, so that I may evolve my soul."
Love: "What lessons do you wish to learn on this journey?"
Me: "There are many, but I believe the most important ones for me are to receive love, to keep commitments, and to persevere with love...to have faith...in the face of overwhelming challenges."
Love: "Those are powerful lessons.  They are also ones that are important in evolving the world, too. You know that is a great privilege to take human form to learn these spiritual lessons."
Me: "I do.  I am ready to pay for that privilege."
Love: "The people in the world have forgotten that they are spiritual beings intended to connect through love.  You would perform great service by helping them remember that."
Me: "That is service that I will commit to performing."
Love: "There is another piece to it.  The people of the world seem to forget most who they are when they are at work.  Your service would be especially great if you would help them remember who they are at work."
Me: "I will do that."
Love: "Thank you for your willingness to do that work."
Me: "It is a privilege."
Love: "Now you know that you will receive special gifts and talents to help you do this work.  What gifts and talents would you like?"
Me: "Hmmm.  Language--the ability to use language to touch people and to help them remember who they are.  That would be one.  And, the ability to understand people when they are at work--to know what causes them to forget who they are. Finally, of course, the ability to remember who I am when I am in work settings."
Love: "Those are good ones.  We--the collected souls--would like to throw in some others, but especially 'dance.'"
Me: "Dance? I don't understand."
Love: "You don't need to understand, but it will speak to you and you will learn from it."
Me: "These will be my intentions.  They will be written on the back side of my heart, and I will tune in to listen to where they lead me."
Love: "You will do well."

Each of us had a different "conversation," but we all made commitments.  Our unique and special "recipe" for this life is written on our hearts.  The intentions that we agreed to before taking human form are the only intentions that are important. Listening to our hearts keeps us on track.  Yet we will almost never (maybe never, but I don't know that) be told in one fell swoop what the whole plan is or even why we are to do what we are to do.  We will be guided, one step at a time.

The magnitude of millions of steps accomplishes miracles, making the impossible possible.

The Grocery Store Game

Back in the day when I was conducting Intentional Living Intensives with clients, I often encouraged them to play a game that I used to play.  It is a most enlightening (literally) game.  Last night after writing in this blog about connecting, heart to heart, with people one at a time, I was reminded of the game that I haven't played for years.  I decided to try it again. 

Here's how to play.  The purpose of the game it to make a heart connection with people that are often "invisible" in our lives.  They are grocery checkers, waiters, sales clerks, taxi drivers, baristas, the receptionist in a doctor's office, and anyone else with whom we transact business, often so closely that the only thing that separates us is the thickness of a dollar bill or credit card receipt, but most of the time we don't really see them.

In order to make a connection, it is essential that the "player" be focused only on the object of our heart connection.  Slowing down is essential. Eye contact helps. Most of them are not accustomed to being noticed, so it is important to just allow them time to be noticed.  The words that I exchange are said in a way that says I really mean them and not the typical, "Have a good day," said to lots of people without really thinking about them.  "You've been most helpful today.  I really appreciate it."  Often, at that point, they will break into a smile, but they will give you some indication that you've made a connection.  You've scored in The Grocery Store Game. 

I encouraged clients to make at least one connection each day to start with and to work up to the point where they made a connection at every transaction point.  When we "compared notes," what I often heard was they started out thinking they were going to do something for people in their transactions.  To a person, my clients ended up finding the connection was a gift to themselves.

Like my clients, I remember how good it used to feel to walk away from the check stand with my heart vibrating from that connection. I also remember how stress-reducing those encounters were.  They forced me to stop, still my mind and be present. How did I let that slip?  I'm not sure, but as I went to bed last night, I decided it was time to start playing again.

My day started with a smartphone which wouldn't work and me running late to a doctor's appointment, so I admit that I missed several opportunities in the doctor's office and the first two shopping stops before I was jarred from my autopilot life.  But as I set out to visit my service provider on the first of two visits, a little bell went off: this will be an opportunity to connect. 

When I was assigned to a technician, I recognized him from a couple earlier visits more than a year ago.  Before we talked about my problem, I took a moment to say I remembered how helpful he had been in the past and how grateful I was that I had the opportunity to have him support me again.  He looked delighted that I had not only remembered him, but had remembered that he had given me good service.

Sadly, the first visit didn't solve my problem, but when I went back, I used the opportunity to make another connection.  This was a much longer visit, and when I arrived at 6:30 p.m., I was tired, hungry, and frustrated. But to make the connection, I had to let go of all that. I just relaxed and partnered with this technician.  When I finally left at least an hour later, I looked her in the eyes and thanked her for being so helpful.  I said it had been a frustrating day, and she had made this very easy for me.  (My frustrating day!  Really!  This girl had been dealing with frustrated customers all day.)

She looked me right back in the eyes and started to tell me how much she'd enjoyed working with me. Then she went on to tell me how much I reminded her of her mother and how much she loved her mother.  The encounter ended with tears trying to well in her eyes.  When I left, I was still tired and hungry, but instead of the frustration I'd felt earlier, I just felt warm all over.  There was a spring in my step.  Life is good, and I like to think that both of us spread love out into the world around us.

Forgiveness

Meditation truly is a gift I give myself.  This morning I took my 20 minutes and extended it by 30.  I was wrestling with understanding what is Truth.  As I went deeper and deeper, the contradictions became more intense and then they melted away.

I have written previously about the several spiritual statements or affirmations that I recently adopted.  This morning as I meditated I found myself lingering on one: "Forgiveness is how I return to God/Love."  I thought I'd forgiven those in my life for what they'd done to me. Then the questions came. Have I really forgiven if I still carry resentment? Have I really forgiven if I still guard myself or am wary?  Of course not.

Then I attempted to forgive; I wanted to get to the place where I could feel nothing but unconditional love. As I went deeper, I found that in each of the two relationships I lingered with I had accountability. Hmmpf.  :-) Did I not know this part? 

For several years I provided spiritual coaching in three-day, one-on-one intentional living intensives.  Each was unique to the person with whom I was working, and my guides would give me unique coaching questions and exercises for that person.  Most were used only once.  However, for most a similar exercise on forgiveness was given to me.  It always involved three levels of forgiveness: acts which the client needed to forgive others for, acts for which the client needed to ask for forgiveness, and acts for which the client needed to forgive him- or herself.  Finally, we'd explore the gifts that had resulted from hurtful circumstances.

As I meditated on forgiveness this morning, these three levels kept intertwining. Back and forth, I went from offering forgiveness to asking for forgiveness to forgiving myself and back again. Then I drifted deeper.  I'd written two books on fear and courage: were fear and courage not really about forgiveness?  If there were always gifts, why would I not have courage?  Why would I be afraid?

Almost when I felt like I'd gotten to the bottom of understanding the relationship between fear and courage and forgiveness, I found myself going broader.  I've always thought that my purpose was to help people find the place of pure Love that dwells inside themselves and connect to the place of pure Love that dwells in each of their fellow human beings.  When I had been meditating on my new affirmations a few weeks ago, what had come was that my purpose was the forgiveness of all human kind.  I thought I'd just go with it since that is what came, but thought my real purpose was connect us to and through Love. 

Only this morning in this meditation did I realize that they were the same.  Only this morning did I realize that the reason the forgiveness exercise was always given to me for clients while other exercises were unique was that my purpose was forgiveness.  These clients wouldn't have been brought to me if they didn't need to learn forgiveness. The Aha! moment for me was that forgiveness is my gateway to Love; it is the gateway through which I lead others to find pure Love. Without forgiveness, we will never find that place in ourselves where we are Love, and we certainly will never find that place in others where they are pure Love.

This knowing didn't come printed on bulletin boards: it came from listening to what I know in my heart. This wisdom came because I showed up to listen and floated through lots of clutter to the crystal clarity of what I know.