Integrity is very important to me. Maybe it is the most important thing to me. Integrity is not simple honesty, which is also important, but it is much bigger than that.
For me, integrity is knowing my soul's intentions when I came into the world and then living those intentions. I know the spiritual growth lessons that I came into the world to learn. I know at least several gifts and talents that I have been given to develop and use. I also have a sense of the service that I am here to do, although I confess that isn't nearly as clear as I thought it was 20 years ago. When my life is aligned with those things, I am in integrity. When I am not, the weight of the disconnect weighs on me.
I try. I really try to live in integrity, but I know that I fall short. Sometimes I fall woefully short.
What I notice is that the more I am out of alignment in one area, the more I become out of integrity in other places. Returning to my regular job has been struggle for me. I know I am being of service, but the work I am doing is pulling me down. I feel stressed. I know I am not working anywhere close to my capability, and I do fear that I am losing my edge to do my higher skill work. Then, I am irritable with myself and with others. Even though I am being of service, I really feel out of integrity.
Even though I've just been back for three weeks of work, I feel a heaviness descend on me when I am getting ready for work, and as I approach my office building I feel more and more darkness pulling me down. The work is really dark. Some days I want to come home and take a shower just to wash it off of me. While I was also sick last week, which complicated the issue, I was short with two people who have been nothing but nice to me. That really felt out of integrity.
I do feel that learning to do my work in the world and to financially support myself is one of my life lessons. Yet increasingly I think that it must be easier. I now think that a life lesson for me must be to let it be easy. I have one of those Staples "easy buttons" from the 90s on my desk. When I allow myself to let something be easy, I enjoy hitting it and hearing the message, "That was easy!" I admit I don't hear it often enough, mostly because I "effort" too much--try to make things happen, when they obviously don't want to happen. The drive to support myself overwhelms and forces me to push more and harder.
Since I began writing about intention 20 years ago, I have really felt like it was my responsibility to role model integrity. Sometimes the standards to which I hold myself are insufferable. I am exhausted. I really need it to be easy.
Based on my numerologic spiritual lesson for 2016, my work is to learn balance and to take care of myself first: put the oxygen mask on me before trying to save others. Twice this week I'd had to make decisions to not do something I thought I "should" do. In each case, as soon as the deed was done, I felt more relaxed, lighter, brighter. In the one case when that occurred at work, I received compliments all day about how great I looked...and it wasn't even a good hair day. I am sure those observations were a reflection of the stress being drained from my face.
All of these things are what a colleague of mine describes as "good data." Who says that "data" should be quantifiable? Why can relaxed muscles and lack of stress in my smile be valid data as well? So I take a deep breath, really consciously enjoy the relaxed shoulders and jaw, and embrace the challenge of letting it be easy.
Showing posts with label stress reduction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress reduction. Show all posts
Saturday, February 27, 2016
Friday, October 25, 2013
The Grocery Store Game
Back in the day when I was conducting Intentional Living Intensives with clients, I often encouraged them to play a game that I used to play. It is a most enlightening (literally) game. Last night after writing in this blog about connecting, heart to heart, with people one at a time, I was reminded of the game that I haven't played for years. I decided to try it again.
Here's how to play. The purpose of the game it to make a heart connection with people that are often "invisible" in our lives. They are grocery checkers, waiters, sales clerks, taxi drivers, baristas, the receptionist in a doctor's office, and anyone else with whom we transact business, often so closely that the only thing that separates us is the thickness of a dollar bill or credit card receipt, but most of the time we don't really see them.
In order to make a connection, it is essential that the "player" be focused only on the object of our heart connection. Slowing down is essential. Eye contact helps. Most of them are not accustomed to being noticed, so it is important to just allow them time to be noticed. The words that I exchange are said in a way that says I really mean them and not the typical, "Have a good day," said to lots of people without really thinking about them. "You've been most helpful today. I really appreciate it." Often, at that point, they will break into a smile, but they will give you some indication that you've made a connection. You've scored in The Grocery Store Game.
I encouraged clients to make at least one connection each day to start with and to work up to the point where they made a connection at every transaction point. When we "compared notes," what I often heard was they started out thinking they were going to do something for people in their transactions. To a person, my clients ended up finding the connection was a gift to themselves.
Like my clients, I remember how good it used to feel to walk away from the check stand with my heart vibrating from that connection. I also remember how stress-reducing those encounters were. They forced me to stop, still my mind and be present. How did I let that slip? I'm not sure, but as I went to bed last night, I decided it was time to start playing again.
My day started with a smartphone which wouldn't work and me running late to a doctor's appointment, so I admit that I missed several opportunities in the doctor's office and the first two shopping stops before I was jarred from my autopilot life. But as I set out to visit my service provider on the first of two visits, a little bell went off: this will be an opportunity to connect.
When I was assigned to a technician, I recognized him from a couple earlier visits more than a year ago. Before we talked about my problem, I took a moment to say I remembered how helpful he had been in the past and how grateful I was that I had the opportunity to have him support me again. He looked delighted that I had not only remembered him, but had remembered that he had given me good service.
Sadly, the first visit didn't solve my problem, but when I went back, I used the opportunity to make another connection. This was a much longer visit, and when I arrived at 6:30 p.m., I was tired, hungry, and frustrated. But to make the connection, I had to let go of all that. I just relaxed and partnered with this technician. When I finally left at least an hour later, I looked her in the eyes and thanked her for being so helpful. I said it had been a frustrating day, and she had made this very easy for me. (My frustrating day! Really! This girl had been dealing with frustrated customers all day.)
She looked me right back in the eyes and started to tell me how much she'd enjoyed working with me. Then she went on to tell me how much I reminded her of her mother and how much she loved her mother. The encounter ended with tears trying to well in her eyes. When I left, I was still tired and hungry, but instead of the frustration I'd felt earlier, I just felt warm all over. There was a spring in my step. Life is good, and I like to think that both of us spread love out into the world around us.
Here's how to play. The purpose of the game it to make a heart connection with people that are often "invisible" in our lives. They are grocery checkers, waiters, sales clerks, taxi drivers, baristas, the receptionist in a doctor's office, and anyone else with whom we transact business, often so closely that the only thing that separates us is the thickness of a dollar bill or credit card receipt, but most of the time we don't really see them.
In order to make a connection, it is essential that the "player" be focused only on the object of our heart connection. Slowing down is essential. Eye contact helps. Most of them are not accustomed to being noticed, so it is important to just allow them time to be noticed. The words that I exchange are said in a way that says I really mean them and not the typical, "Have a good day," said to lots of people without really thinking about them. "You've been most helpful today. I really appreciate it." Often, at that point, they will break into a smile, but they will give you some indication that you've made a connection. You've scored in The Grocery Store Game.
I encouraged clients to make at least one connection each day to start with and to work up to the point where they made a connection at every transaction point. When we "compared notes," what I often heard was they started out thinking they were going to do something for people in their transactions. To a person, my clients ended up finding the connection was a gift to themselves.
Like my clients, I remember how good it used to feel to walk away from the check stand with my heart vibrating from that connection. I also remember how stress-reducing those encounters were. They forced me to stop, still my mind and be present. How did I let that slip? I'm not sure, but as I went to bed last night, I decided it was time to start playing again.
My day started with a smartphone which wouldn't work and me running late to a doctor's appointment, so I admit that I missed several opportunities in the doctor's office and the first two shopping stops before I was jarred from my autopilot life. But as I set out to visit my service provider on the first of two visits, a little bell went off: this will be an opportunity to connect.
When I was assigned to a technician, I recognized him from a couple earlier visits more than a year ago. Before we talked about my problem, I took a moment to say I remembered how helpful he had been in the past and how grateful I was that I had the opportunity to have him support me again. He looked delighted that I had not only remembered him, but had remembered that he had given me good service.
Sadly, the first visit didn't solve my problem, but when I went back, I used the opportunity to make another connection. This was a much longer visit, and when I arrived at 6:30 p.m., I was tired, hungry, and frustrated. But to make the connection, I had to let go of all that. I just relaxed and partnered with this technician. When I finally left at least an hour later, I looked her in the eyes and thanked her for being so helpful. I said it had been a frustrating day, and she had made this very easy for me. (My frustrating day! Really! This girl had been dealing with frustrated customers all day.)
She looked me right back in the eyes and started to tell me how much she'd enjoyed working with me. Then she went on to tell me how much I reminded her of her mother and how much she loved her mother. The encounter ended with tears trying to well in her eyes. When I left, I was still tired and hungry, but instead of the frustration I'd felt earlier, I just felt warm all over. There was a spring in my step. Life is good, and I like to think that both of us spread love out into the world around us.
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