Living Consciously

I was working with a group today, and since it had been over a year since they'd had a retreat during which they'd developed values and norms, we started with reflection on how they'd done at living them.

At one point a participant said, "We may not get it every time, but most of the time we stop and think."

Over the years, I've heard many people say something similar. I believe that stopping to think is the first step and most major hurdle cleared to living consciously. The moment we can break free from automatic thinking, or what I call putting our lives on autopilot, we are 3/4 of the way to making the right decision. If we know our intentions and are conscious, then most of the time we can act in accordance with them. It is only when we don't recognize that we are even making a decision that we have lost the battle.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

What Brings Me To Life?

“I have my own soul. My own spark of divine fire.” George Bernard Shaw, Pygmalion and My Fair Lady

I flipped the TV on just in time to hear this line at the end of My Fair Lady over the weekend.  I've seen that movie several times and read Pygmalion at least twice.  I don't remember those two sentences.  For some reason this weekend they grabbed me and nearly paralyzed me.  I went to the desk and wrote down, "My own spark of divine fire."  Then I just sat and looked at it.

That I have my own spark of divine fire is not a new concept. I've felt it burning intensely within me before, often and for long periods of time.  I've written about it.  But Saturday those words captivated me.  As I've thought about it since, hearing those words was an awakening for me.  After many years of having my spark burn so brightly, I don't feel that now.  I may have realized it before, but I am not sure I had named it.   To acknowledge that was quite painful. The haunting questions have been: "How could I have lost that?" and more importantly, "How do I fan the flames of my spark again?"

I definitely feel like the last week of recovery and reflection have brought me to the place where I was ready to really hear those words and realize that somehow I lost myself.  I can't say exactly when it happened, but I do know that over the last two months when I had been writing I felt that divine spark again. I know that when I started exercising I felt that divine spark.  I know when I am in nature, I feel it. 

A number of years ago I was attending a conference at which one participant spoke of his personal way of staying in touch.  He said that when he is in doubt, he asks, "What brings me to life?" and "What brings life to me?" So simple, and yet I believe so true.

The hard part is being awake to that choice in each and every moment: the choice point that inevitably leads to our divine spark.  The divine spark in each of us is what brings us to life and burns brightly in us.

Somehow in my heart I know that I lose myself when I fall into autopilot life, going through the motions of life without really being present to it.  As I think about going back to work day after tomorrow, I know that I can be in that job and feel my own spark of divine fire, but I can only do that when I am awake and present in each moment.  Because, when I am awake and present, I can consciously ask myself, "What brings me to life?" and "What brings life to me?" And, then...just do it! 

The Sleeping State That Men Call Waking

I want to start this post with an apology.  On behalf of all the spiritual writers, myself included among them, who make it sound like evolving oneself is easy, I want to say "I'm sorry."  It isn't.  For those of us who work full-time, have household and family responsibilities, and hope just every now and then to do something that is fun, staying present can be exceedingly hard.  Without being awake, we cannot do any of the things that will evolve us spiritually, which may explain why so many writers across the centuries have indicated that being conscious is the most important thing to the spiritual journey.

When I had my business, I worked way more hours than I do now, but I was driving the car called my life.  If I wanted to take a little extra time to connect with a clerk in the store, I didn't have a boss waiting to say I was AWOL (absent without leave) because I was a few minutes late. If I wanted to take extra time to workout and de-stress during my lunch hour or even linger longer enjoying the sun, I knew my trade-off was working later, and I could make that trade. It was wrong of me to have written with a "just-do-it" tone.  I had just forgotten how hard it is to be present when life is framed by the expectations of others.

During the week, it feels like I step on a treadmill that goes faster and faster until I drop off exhausted at the end of the week...and I don't even have kids to pick up and drop off at school and a host of growth activities.  (My hat's off to those of you who have those things in your daily routine.)

I didn't totally go to sleep today because I remembered after two opportunities that I'd missed that I didn't make the heart connection for The Grocery Store Game (10/25/13.)  I celebrate that I didn't just snooze through the whole opportunity.   Even when I threw a couple dollars in a busker's case, I did so as I walked by rather than making a connection. However, I stopped at an art exhibit on the way home from work, and I did remember to make connection there. Yeah!!

The Hindu sacred text the Upanishads refers to "the sleeping state that men call waking."  When I first read it, a stunned knowing came over me.  "Yes! That is exactly what it is like," I thought.  I am walking around, and most people observing me would say I am awake.  I even believe myself to be awake. Yet as I autopilot through life, I really am asleep at the wheel of this car called my life.  I snooze through opportunities to connect.  I doze through appreciating the wonder around me. I forget to feel  gratitude for all the gifts with which I am blessed.  I miss the opportunity to show true appreciation to the busker singing a great rendition of "Hotel California."

In my effort to truly show up for my life, one time I put random reminders on my Outlook calendar  to remind me to wake up, but I became so accustomed to them that I began to sleep through them as well.

So, I am sorry for making this journey to consciousness seem easy.  I find solace that at least back as far as 2,600 years when the Upanishads were written, men and women have struggled to stay awake.  For that 2,600 years, people like you and me have shared "the sleeping state that men call waking," and they have periodically actually been awake.  For that, we can celebrate. 

And, each day we begin anew on the journey to the waking state that men call waking.  I like to think that suddenly one day, it will just happen--being awake, that is.  I will go through a whole day, totally attuned to what is going on around me.  Until then, I will be delighted at widening the margins on my autopilot life.  Ten percent one day, and maybe 25 the next.  Though I may backslide, as I clearly have done, holding the intention of moving to higher levels of consciousness feels to me like real progress.

The Grocery Store Game

Back in the day when I was conducting Intentional Living Intensives with clients, I often encouraged them to play a game that I used to play.  It is a most enlightening (literally) game.  Last night after writing in this blog about connecting, heart to heart, with people one at a time, I was reminded of the game that I haven't played for years.  I decided to try it again. 

Here's how to play.  The purpose of the game it to make a heart connection with people that are often "invisible" in our lives.  They are grocery checkers, waiters, sales clerks, taxi drivers, baristas, the receptionist in a doctor's office, and anyone else with whom we transact business, often so closely that the only thing that separates us is the thickness of a dollar bill or credit card receipt, but most of the time we don't really see them.

In order to make a connection, it is essential that the "player" be focused only on the object of our heart connection.  Slowing down is essential. Eye contact helps. Most of them are not accustomed to being noticed, so it is important to just allow them time to be noticed.  The words that I exchange are said in a way that says I really mean them and not the typical, "Have a good day," said to lots of people without really thinking about them.  "You've been most helpful today.  I really appreciate it."  Often, at that point, they will break into a smile, but they will give you some indication that you've made a connection.  You've scored in The Grocery Store Game. 

I encouraged clients to make at least one connection each day to start with and to work up to the point where they made a connection at every transaction point.  When we "compared notes," what I often heard was they started out thinking they were going to do something for people in their transactions.  To a person, my clients ended up finding the connection was a gift to themselves.

Like my clients, I remember how good it used to feel to walk away from the check stand with my heart vibrating from that connection. I also remember how stress-reducing those encounters were.  They forced me to stop, still my mind and be present. How did I let that slip?  I'm not sure, but as I went to bed last night, I decided it was time to start playing again.

My day started with a smartphone which wouldn't work and me running late to a doctor's appointment, so I admit that I missed several opportunities in the doctor's office and the first two shopping stops before I was jarred from my autopilot life.  But as I set out to visit my service provider on the first of two visits, a little bell went off: this will be an opportunity to connect. 

When I was assigned to a technician, I recognized him from a couple earlier visits more than a year ago.  Before we talked about my problem, I took a moment to say I remembered how helpful he had been in the past and how grateful I was that I had the opportunity to have him support me again.  He looked delighted that I had not only remembered him, but had remembered that he had given me good service.

Sadly, the first visit didn't solve my problem, but when I went back, I used the opportunity to make another connection.  This was a much longer visit, and when I arrived at 6:30 p.m., I was tired, hungry, and frustrated. But to make the connection, I had to let go of all that. I just relaxed and partnered with this technician.  When I finally left at least an hour later, I looked her in the eyes and thanked her for being so helpful.  I said it had been a frustrating day, and she had made this very easy for me.  (My frustrating day!  Really!  This girl had been dealing with frustrated customers all day.)

She looked me right back in the eyes and started to tell me how much she'd enjoyed working with me. Then she went on to tell me how much I reminded her of her mother and how much she loved her mother.  The encounter ended with tears trying to well in her eyes.  When I left, I was still tired and hungry, but instead of the frustration I'd felt earlier, I just felt warm all over.  There was a spring in my step.  Life is good, and I like to think that both of us spread love out into the world around us.

BEing the Nature of God

Back in the day when I owned an automobile, I enjoyed taking road trips.  As I drove alone down the highway, I often slipped into repeating a mantra or affirmation of something I wanted to bring into my life.  I would repeat it hundreds of times during my trip.  What was quite remarkable was how often a deeper level of understanding would just gently float into my awareness during the repetitions--Aha! moments. 

I really don't remember what the mantra that generated it was, but I do recall having a thought toward the end of a trip about 15 years ago that continues to both inspire and terrify me.  The thought was that the only way humans have to experience God is through each other.  If we want others to know God's Love, we need to demonstrate it to them: they will know it through our behaviors.  If we want others to know God's Forgiveness, we need to demonstrate it to them: they will know it through our behaviors.  God Nature is reflected through each of us to all human kind.

What a concept!  That I could allow everyone with whom I come in touch to experience God by how I relate to them is inspiring me.  I hope that it is equally clear why that is so terrifying.  As much as I try, I know the frequency with which my behaviors reflect what I want others to know of God isn't near what I would like it to be. I think that I am usually a good person, but I do get irritable and impatient from time to time.  Perhaps even more embarrassing is how much of my life proceeds on autopilot.  I'd hate to think that God puts us on autopilot.  Even more uncomfortable for me, the author of a book about "BEing" is how often I "do" things with people instead of "BE" with them. 

Since retyping The Game Called Life a couple weeks ago, this whole thing about BEing the Nature of God has been with me.  What "floated in" today is not how I reflect God (though for me that is still a concern,) but how I receive God from others.  In my autopiloting through life what wonders that God wanted to share with me have I blown off because I wasn't paying attention.  In my "doingness" how often have I missed the opportunity to "just BE" with God through another human being who is reflecting the nature of God.

Today I have new understanding of the Sanskrit greeting--"Namaste," still used in India and Nepal. "I bow to the God within you."  When I bow to the God within you, and you bow to the God within me, it is said, "We are One."  What if I just took responsibility both to be a reflection of the Nature of God and to be present to the reflection of the Nature of God in those around me?  What a ripple I could create.

Partnering with our hearts

In order to evolve spiritually, we need to listen to our hearts. They are encrypted with a unique code that tells each one of us what we should be doing at any time in order to grow, perform service, and to use our gifts and talents. If we frequently take just a second to ask, "What would you have me do?" we will unfailingly be guided to accomplish what we are here to accomplish. 

Two challenges haunt me as I attempt to live this way.  The first is just remembering to check in.  It seems that I am tuned in one second and on autopilot the next doing what I'd planned to so.  The second is doing exactly what I am told when I am told to do it.  Now that flies right in the face of most of what we have been taught.  We are supposed to set goals, plan ahead, and fill our calendars, often months in advance.  The current thinking is that we don't set out to do something unless we know how to accomplish it and how we are going to pay for it, and rarely do our hearts give us a fully developed strategy and step-by-step plan to follow.  In fact, more often than not, we are only told the first step. If we keep checking in at each step, we will be guided flawlessly without ever knowing more than one step ahead.  Being in the mystery is what it is about.

Consider this story.  A number of years ago when I was living in the rainy Pacific Northwest, I decided I needed to live in a sunnier place.  I asked my heart for guidance.  (I often clarify, "Send me a sign--a real clear sign that even I can get."  Within the next 18 hours, I received six very clear messages that North Carolina was my place, beginning within five minutes when I walked in a bookstore and overheard a conversation, "I hear North Carolina is a great place to live."  The last of the six was the banner headline of my Oregon newspaper the next morning shouting, "NC best place to live."

I had my sign.  What next?  I had received no additional guidance, until I was awakened at 3 a.m. with a dream that made it clear that I was supposed to be in North Carolina on October 19.  I got up in the middle of the night and made my reservation.  Over the next nine months, a path as easy as the parting of the Red Sea opened for me.  I met someone at a conference in San Francisco, who was instrumental in meeting a realtor and business contacts. I met someone else at a conference in South Carolina who introduced me to what would be my inner circle of friends during the first years I was in NC.  Even the house that I bought became available in the middle of the day on the day I was told to shop for a house.  I've had moves across town that were harder than this cross-country move.

With all that said, when I arrived in Durham, N. C., on July 31, 1995, I had no job and all the clients of my consulting business were about as far from me as they could be and still be in the US.  However, I was certain that this was going to work out.  Within three days of my arrival, I had two major pieces of business back in Oregon that were willing to pay travel expenses, and the contracts were sufficient to support me for my first 10 months.  Furthermore, a couple months later, a client with work in China hired me, and I was able to extend my monthly trip to the West Coast on to Beijing.  Even though I hadn't known how known how I would support myself when I arrived, my first year living in NC ended up being the best revenue year since starting my business.

I could share many stories like the one above in which doors I couldn't have anticipated just miraculously opened when I listened and followed. I haven't always understood how things were going to work out or even why I was supposed to do certain things, but never once when I was following my heart, have I been misled.

That's not to say things have always worked out perfectly, but those times happened when I either didn't ask or didn't follow or didn't follow in a timely way.  More about that tomorrow.