If it is 12:29, it must be time to swing the office refrigerator and grab some food to eat on the way to my 12:30 meeting. It is a good day: I have time to pick up the food on the way to my meeting. Some days I don't; other days it is 4 o'clock before I have time for my racing-grab-and-eat.
I have shared my struggle to find time to exercise since starting this blog seven months ago. I thought my struggle for time to meet basic human needs--food, exercise, rest--was me being out of control of my life. At the very least, I've conjectured, the problem is one of living in Washington at these times of brutal cuts in government budgets and the struggle to do more and more with fewer people. (We have about half the people we had a year ago, doing more work.)
This morning's paper informed me I am wrong. While I won't say those things aren't true, the article began quoting several people struggling with increasing stress levels as a result of the race with our clocks. The punch line, though, was that those quoted weren't Washingtonians, caught up in the frenzy I've experienced: they were all in Fargo, North Dakota. Now that was a shocker.
Running on the hamster wheel seems to be a common human state these days. I don't know if I feel pleased to learn that in a misery-loves-company sort of way, or depressed that there may be no hope of jumping off. The article says that those who have managed to jump off usually discover that life is short and there is a lot they want to do...so they jump back on.
Can this hamster-wheel approach to life really be considered...life?
When I think of the most wonderful moments of my life, they are the result of being totally present to the simple things in life. They have been things I've written about before: a simple dinner and movie with a friend on my coffee table, tending my garden, a wonderful Viennese waltz, a stroll through the woods on a spring day, or the touch by a loved one to my cheek.
Sadly, a lot of social pressure exists to stay on the hamster wheel, accepting four more assignments with deadlines this month and working longer and longer. I know that my productivity declines when I work like that and certainly my creativity comes to a dead stop. It would have been tragic if instead of leaving only 30 minutes late, I had stayed another 90 minutes and missed the walk I took through magnolia trees, forsythia, and daffodils in the majesty of a sunny-with-cobalt-blue-skies day in the nation's capitol. I did so with people watching me leave "early," which has come to mean only working 30 minutes late.
The lunacy of this whole situation is that I spent at least 30 minutes today in a meeting talking about the importance of work-life balance with the very people who were assigning the work that keeps me late. Go figure!
My intention--my target--has been to work sane hours and enjoy life, but I don't seem to have the will to stop. I really hope that the social pressure hasn't numbed my personal will. I am far ahead of where I was 24 hours ago. I hope reading that article and writing this post will reinforce to me what is important in life. I figure that even if I have to start over 100 times, that is way better than numbing out and being unaware. So, once again I refocus my intention on what is important...and hope I remember it at 5 o'clock tomorrow.
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Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Friday, October 25, 2013
The Grocery Store Game
Back in the day when I was conducting Intentional Living Intensives with clients, I often encouraged them to play a game that I used to play. It is a most enlightening (literally) game. Last night after writing in this blog about connecting, heart to heart, with people one at a time, I was reminded of the game that I haven't played for years. I decided to try it again.
Here's how to play. The purpose of the game it to make a heart connection with people that are often "invisible" in our lives. They are grocery checkers, waiters, sales clerks, taxi drivers, baristas, the receptionist in a doctor's office, and anyone else with whom we transact business, often so closely that the only thing that separates us is the thickness of a dollar bill or credit card receipt, but most of the time we don't really see them.
In order to make a connection, it is essential that the "player" be focused only on the object of our heart connection. Slowing down is essential. Eye contact helps. Most of them are not accustomed to being noticed, so it is important to just allow them time to be noticed. The words that I exchange are said in a way that says I really mean them and not the typical, "Have a good day," said to lots of people without really thinking about them. "You've been most helpful today. I really appreciate it." Often, at that point, they will break into a smile, but they will give you some indication that you've made a connection. You've scored in The Grocery Store Game.
I encouraged clients to make at least one connection each day to start with and to work up to the point where they made a connection at every transaction point. When we "compared notes," what I often heard was they started out thinking they were going to do something for people in their transactions. To a person, my clients ended up finding the connection was a gift to themselves.
Like my clients, I remember how good it used to feel to walk away from the check stand with my heart vibrating from that connection. I also remember how stress-reducing those encounters were. They forced me to stop, still my mind and be present. How did I let that slip? I'm not sure, but as I went to bed last night, I decided it was time to start playing again.
My day started with a smartphone which wouldn't work and me running late to a doctor's appointment, so I admit that I missed several opportunities in the doctor's office and the first two shopping stops before I was jarred from my autopilot life. But as I set out to visit my service provider on the first of two visits, a little bell went off: this will be an opportunity to connect.
When I was assigned to a technician, I recognized him from a couple earlier visits more than a year ago. Before we talked about my problem, I took a moment to say I remembered how helpful he had been in the past and how grateful I was that I had the opportunity to have him support me again. He looked delighted that I had not only remembered him, but had remembered that he had given me good service.
Sadly, the first visit didn't solve my problem, but when I went back, I used the opportunity to make another connection. This was a much longer visit, and when I arrived at 6:30 p.m., I was tired, hungry, and frustrated. But to make the connection, I had to let go of all that. I just relaxed and partnered with this technician. When I finally left at least an hour later, I looked her in the eyes and thanked her for being so helpful. I said it had been a frustrating day, and she had made this very easy for me. (My frustrating day! Really! This girl had been dealing with frustrated customers all day.)
She looked me right back in the eyes and started to tell me how much she'd enjoyed working with me. Then she went on to tell me how much I reminded her of her mother and how much she loved her mother. The encounter ended with tears trying to well in her eyes. When I left, I was still tired and hungry, but instead of the frustration I'd felt earlier, I just felt warm all over. There was a spring in my step. Life is good, and I like to think that both of us spread love out into the world around us.
Here's how to play. The purpose of the game it to make a heart connection with people that are often "invisible" in our lives. They are grocery checkers, waiters, sales clerks, taxi drivers, baristas, the receptionist in a doctor's office, and anyone else with whom we transact business, often so closely that the only thing that separates us is the thickness of a dollar bill or credit card receipt, but most of the time we don't really see them.
In order to make a connection, it is essential that the "player" be focused only on the object of our heart connection. Slowing down is essential. Eye contact helps. Most of them are not accustomed to being noticed, so it is important to just allow them time to be noticed. The words that I exchange are said in a way that says I really mean them and not the typical, "Have a good day," said to lots of people without really thinking about them. "You've been most helpful today. I really appreciate it." Often, at that point, they will break into a smile, but they will give you some indication that you've made a connection. You've scored in The Grocery Store Game.
I encouraged clients to make at least one connection each day to start with and to work up to the point where they made a connection at every transaction point. When we "compared notes," what I often heard was they started out thinking they were going to do something for people in their transactions. To a person, my clients ended up finding the connection was a gift to themselves.
Like my clients, I remember how good it used to feel to walk away from the check stand with my heart vibrating from that connection. I also remember how stress-reducing those encounters were. They forced me to stop, still my mind and be present. How did I let that slip? I'm not sure, but as I went to bed last night, I decided it was time to start playing again.
My day started with a smartphone which wouldn't work and me running late to a doctor's appointment, so I admit that I missed several opportunities in the doctor's office and the first two shopping stops before I was jarred from my autopilot life. But as I set out to visit my service provider on the first of two visits, a little bell went off: this will be an opportunity to connect.
When I was assigned to a technician, I recognized him from a couple earlier visits more than a year ago. Before we talked about my problem, I took a moment to say I remembered how helpful he had been in the past and how grateful I was that I had the opportunity to have him support me again. He looked delighted that I had not only remembered him, but had remembered that he had given me good service.
Sadly, the first visit didn't solve my problem, but when I went back, I used the opportunity to make another connection. This was a much longer visit, and when I arrived at 6:30 p.m., I was tired, hungry, and frustrated. But to make the connection, I had to let go of all that. I just relaxed and partnered with this technician. When I finally left at least an hour later, I looked her in the eyes and thanked her for being so helpful. I said it had been a frustrating day, and she had made this very easy for me. (My frustrating day! Really! This girl had been dealing with frustrated customers all day.)
She looked me right back in the eyes and started to tell me how much she'd enjoyed working with me. Then she went on to tell me how much I reminded her of her mother and how much she loved her mother. The encounter ended with tears trying to well in her eyes. When I left, I was still tired and hungry, but instead of the frustration I'd felt earlier, I just felt warm all over. There was a spring in my step. Life is good, and I like to think that both of us spread love out into the world around us.
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