Paying It Forward

This afternoon I dutifully met with a friend of a friend, who was interested in talking about her job search.  I did so only as a courtesy to my friend. This week had been a killer at work, and I had scheduled something each evening after work.  By Friday afternoon, I was ready to head home and chill.
I wanted to go home, but I remembered how many people that I didn't know who had kindly met with me when I was new to Washington to talk to me about my job search. I really didn't want to do meet this woman.  However, I was richly rewarded with a delicious treat at the end of a hard week--a treat that perked me up dramatically and left me reaching my home feeling full of energy instead exhausted.

My delicious treat was an energetic conversation with a woman I hope will be a new friend and at the very least a professional colleague.  I find it interesting how I seem to "click" with some people so quickly.  Although the expressed intention of the meeting was to discuss a particular job for which she was applying, our conversation meandered all over the map.  It was fluid and lively.

There is a concept, known as "paying it forward," popularized by the 2000 movie of the same name.  It the movie instead of paying someone back for doing something nice for you, a youngster comes up with the idea that we should pay it forward--do something for someone else.  Actually, his idea was for every time someone does something nice for us, we should do three nice things for someone else.  In the movie, the ripple effect of paying it forward spreads across the country, each good deed tripling itself.

Today's meeting really started me thinking about that idea again.  When I thought about all the people who had helped me as I was settling in to the city, I should be meeting and talking to someone new every night for at least a couple of years.  Yet I have let my life get so busy that I don't do that.  I often remark about one of my work colleagues who has two children and seems always to be volunteering for this or that.  I don't know how she does it. Yet she always has lots of energy.

Perhaps tonight I had a glimmer of understanding. When I gave a very little, I was richly rewarded, not only with a delightful conversation, but literally with more energy. I had to question if I hadn't been so stingy in giving of myself if I might have as much energy as volunteering colleague.

Tomorrow I go to volunteer at a theatre here in Washington.  I go about once a month.  I do feel good when I do it, but honestly, I do it so that each month I can see a play for which I couldn't afford to purchase tickets.  That it is "pay it back" arrangement.  I give my time to the theatre, and the theatre gives me a seat in the performance.  Paying it forward is just giving to three strangers without allowing oneself to be paid back.  But, I was paid back today...by the conversation. Even when I didn't try, I was rewarded.

I recall again a gratitude practice that I wrote about some time ago, whereby a person attempts to give more gifts each day than they get.  "Gifts" might be letting someone in front of you in traffic, opening a door, or giving a compliment--anything which amounts to doing something for someone else. I've played this game before, and at the end of the day I make a list of gifts given and gifts received.  I am never able to give more gifts than I get.  I've have had days in which I set out with the express intention to see if I could actually do more than I would get: I believe it is impossible. When I gave more, I always got more.

This realization isn't a new discovery for me: I've discovered it many times, but I always seem to let this universal law of giving and receiving slip from my consciousness.  Then something happens to remind me again.  I am not sure how I get this in my psyche on a cellular level so that it will always  be in the front of my consciousness, but I really want to do that. I want to live from a place of giving and generosity. I will hold that intention, and I will reflect on how I can ensure that it doesn't slip away for yet another few months.

For now, I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes from Sir Winston Churchill: "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." I am ready to make a life.