Sisyphus?

In Greek mythology Sisyphus was a king who was known for deceitfulness.  His punishment in the afterlife was to push a huge boulder up a steep hill, and just as he was about to reach the pinnacle, the boulder would slip, and he would be forced to follow it down.  Then, the process of pushing the boulder up the hill would start all over again. 

For whatever reason, sometimes my life seems like I'm living out Sisyphus' punishment.  There have been a number of periods in my life during which I really struggled financially. Just when I would be able to see the light of day, something unexpected (usually a shift in one market or other) would occur, and I'd be starting over. 

I've encountered Sisyphus in my health as well.  "Health" isn't really the right word.  My overall health is excellent, but I've struggled with pain issues for 23 years.  In recent months, the annoyance has been the sight in my right eye.  If it's not one irritation, it's another. 

I'm tired.  I am ready for life to be easier.  So far, no magic easy pill has appeared.  Somehow I just keep on keeping on...and being pretty happy along the way.  The way I figure it, I can be cross pushing that boulder up the hill, or I can be happy.  Both those around me and I enjoy life more when I choose the latter.

I was talking to a friend the other day about my memoir, and she spoke to how resilient I had been.  I guess I have.  As I sat to write this, I googled "resilience."  No shortage of material on resilience out there, but the description I love the best was from Psychology Today:  "Resilience is that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever." 

What I liked most about it was the word "ineffable."  I just liked the sound and feel of the word; it has a happy feel to it.  I looked that up, too.  "Too great or extreme to be expressed or described in words."

Put together, we get "That too great or extreme quality to be expressed in words that allows some people to be knocked down by life, and come back stronger than ever."  How cool!  That reminds me of a song I learned as a youngster, "Get yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again."  I like that my friend thinks of me that way. 

A couple days ago I was recovering from a challenging week, facing taxes and paying bills, a writing deadline in front of me, as a cold was settling in for a stay.  I wanted to go to bed and sleep for a few days.  I didn't.  I wrote instead.  The more I wrote, the better I felt. 

When I start doing something I love, things just magically get better. In the painful days after a break-up, I ran.  I'd take off with tears running down my cheeks, and by the time I was home, I always felt great.  Sometimes I dance.  Other times I garden.  Still other times, I cook.  This weekend, I wrote. 

I think resilience must be a bit of a chicken and egg thing.  Is resilience what makes me do the things I love, thus allowing me to bounce back? Or, is doing what I love what gives me resilience? Or, does it matter? I think not.

Life has thrown me a curve ball or ten, and I have always bounced back.  I always learn something along the way, and most of the time I make new friends on the journey.  Most of the time I don't even whine much any more.  Maybe I've developed my resilience muscle. 

Although the definition implies that only some people have resilience, I wonder if resilience isn't something we choose.  Let's say I bring the intention that this next trip up the hill is going to be an adventure, and I will meet some interesting new people along the way. Odds are on that I will appear to be resilient, but not because I have a special mysterious quality.  I will appear to be resilient because I choose to be.  I've written many times that everything in life is a choice point. I've just chosen to be resilient, and that makes magic happen.