Being My Best Person

In about two weeks I will have been writing this blog almost every day for six months.  The "almost" is a result of a very bad cold and recovery from an eye surgery which has made being on the computer difficult recently.  During that down time, though, I have continued to ponder the questions of the spiritual journey and this blog.

In the beginning, I said of this blog:  I don't claim to have the answers, but often the questions are informative and the intention is powerful. My goal in this blog is to share reflections from my journey that I think others might also find heart provoking. 

While I still believe that is true, after several months of writing what is on my heart each day, I have come to a more nuanced understanding of my mission for the blog.  I want to be my best person.  I intellectualize what that requires of me, and many, maybe most, days I can do that.  But, there are spiritual annoyances that would pull me from my intention.  Some days that has involved re-membering or re-owning what I know to be true in the blog, such as the spiritual growth that comes from experiencing gratitude, forgiveness, or even joy.

More often my postings have reflected the inner battles that I have fought, and continue to fight, such as with being present and being in present time. Gandhi is quoted as saying, "The only devils in this world are those running around inside our own hearts, and that is where all our battles should be fought." I have chosen to share my own inner battles with my readers.

Self-awareness is a platform, perhaps the only platform, from which we may grow spiritually.  I believe there are two levels of self-awareness.  The first is how I think I see myself. This perspective is problematic because from this kind of self-awareness we cannot see our blind spots--what I have described as what I don't know I know and what I don't know I don't know. Problematic at best, this perspective is inevitably sugar-coated with excuses, more what we'd like to believe is true that what actually may be true.

The second type of self-awareness is how I see myself from the perspective that Eastern mystics have called "the observer."  As the observer, I can see the world from inside me as well as what another person observing might see. Stripping away the veneer of sugar-coating, I am able to see my foibles and shortcomings.  We cannot change what we do not know.

Each day I have sought to strip away the veneer and share with readers what I believe others might see if they were being honest with me. I am fairly confident that the devils with which I wrestle are not unique to me alone. Consequently, I have attempted not to stop in that spot, but to determine how I can move myself ever closer to my best self while still knowing that it is only a matter of time before I once again slip and fall...and share that as well.

Thank you for your support as I wrestle with my imperfections and struggle to be ever closer to being my best self.