Do Something Different

Yesterday I wrote about feeling the prickliness of being in the middle of a transformation phase.  There is an unsettledness that has been with me for months, but I didn't realize how many months until I looked back for an earlier post in which I described "feeling pregnant" in anticipation of something new coming. (Pregnant, 11/2/13)  I have been having these feelings for six months.

Patience has not been one of my strong suits.  Once I've been able to decide what the next step is, I want to be on with it.  Waiting for months is counter-rational for me.  That is exactly the problem.  When we grow spiritually, by definition, the process is a counter-rational one.  The Universe functions on its own time schedule, not ours.  I understand that, AND I am ready to be through this transition.

Yet, I am attempting to be very intentional about allowing the process and not forcing it. 

This morning I had my monthly call with a Canadian friend who shares the spiritual journey.  I shared with him my frustration with feeling pregnant for months and being prickly with people I really like.  I asked him for suggestions about how to move the process.  Almost immediately, he responded to approach life differently.  "Walk up the stairs backwards, or get into the shower from the opposite end."

His words resonated with me immediately.  I recalled final guidance at the end of a personal growth seminar 25 years ago in which the leader said, "Do something different." 

I headed out to run errands by walking up the hill behind my building backwards.  Later I walked up three flights of stairs backwards.  Both stimulated observations.  In each case, I had to really pay attention.  That meant that I had to be really present; if I hadn't concentrated, I think I might have fallen.  Walking up the hill, which I climb at least two or three times a week, I noticed things in the woods that I hadn't noticed before.  I am not sure whether I just haven't paid attention before or if it was looking down instead of up that was responsible.  The stairs that I usually bolt up effortlessly two at a time winded me when I climbed backwards.  Both the hill and the stairs seemed much longer than usual.

I was hungry so I ate dinner much earlier than usual...just because I was hungry. Instead of my usual salad, I ate pizza.  And, although this was my day to clean the house, I took a nap instead.

Now I am not sure what all of this has to do with accelerating my transition, but I am certain that anything that forces me to be more present and to listen to my inner needs/desires rather than going through the day on autopilot is a good thing, even if my chores weren't completed. 

I am a night owl, and I usually relish the weekends so I can stay up and be on "my" schedule, instead of the one driven by the rest of the world.  But, tonight it is early, and I am feeling tired. I have a book I'd like to finish.  I think I'll do something different and go to bed early and read.  Who knows what my dreams will bring when I am really paying attention?