Prickly

I started the day angry. I woke up 50 minutes early, which might not be such a bad thing except that I was very tired.  I made the decision to go to bed 50 minutes early to get much needed sleep.  Then I woke up 50 minutes early and realized that I haven't gained any ground.  I thought I would just roll over and go back to sleep and get the extra rest I needed.  Not!  My head was spinning.

First, I had a painful thought that I'd been a little short with a colleague yesterday afternoon.  She is the best person I've ever worked with, so she should be the last person I'd be short with, but I was.  Why did I do that?  Yes, why? 

I've been feeling prickly lately.  One perspective of spiritual growth uses the snake as a metaphor.  I know that is almost the antithesis of the Abrahamic traditions, which conceive the serpent as the symbol of the fall-from-grace of humankind--the reason Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden, but the metaphor really does work.

When a snake grows, it outgrows its skin.  Every spurt of growth requires a new skin. The too-small skin must be shed before a new, larger one can take its place.  During the transition period, the flesh of the snake is tender until it "toughens up," and the animal is easily agitated because of the physical discomfort.

By that metaphor, life is a succession of growth--> shed skin--> discomfort-->comfort-->growth...etc.

Using the snake metaphor implies growing into a new skin results in "feeling prickly" for a while to facilitate spiritual growth to the next level.  I hope that my prickliness at my colleague really does mean that I am growing, but it feels like just the opposite.

My current job requires about 1/1000 of my capability; I am capable of so much more.  I am bored.  When I have sought to use more of my capacity, I've been thrown work that is even less challenging.  I wouldn't feel so bad if there weren't a need, but there is...everywhere. 

As I look out of my apartment to the fresh green of budding trees, I am once again reminded of growth and moving forward in time, signaled by the changing of the seasons.  I love to learn, and I love to grow.  I realize that unlike the trees in the park, I have not been learning, growing, and changing.  I am taking a couple of classes, but they will allow me to receive credentials for material I already know.  I believe what I  need is something to learn, something that will allow me to grow.  Maybe my prickliness is the result of stagnation.

For most of my life, my growth has been around my work, but clearly the current environment at my workplace isn't hospitable to that.  So, I am going to look around me for opportunities to grow elsewhere in my life. I recall being energized with some art history courses that I took a few years ago. I am certain that I can find something that will break me out of my current skin, and I am betting that, even if I do have a "new tender skin," I will feel less prickly in no time.