If it is 12:29, it must be time to swing the office refrigerator and grab some food to eat on the way to my 12:30 meeting. It is a good day: I have time to pick up the food on the way to my meeting. Some days I don't; other days it is 4 o'clock before I have time for my racing-grab-and-eat.
I have shared my struggle to find time to exercise since starting this blog seven months ago. I thought my struggle for time to meet basic human needs--food, exercise, rest--was me being out of control of my life. At the very least, I've conjectured, the problem is one of living in Washington at these times of brutal cuts in government budgets and the struggle to do more and more with fewer people. (We have about half the people we had a year ago, doing more work.)
This morning's paper informed me I am wrong. While I won't say those things aren't true, the article began quoting several people struggling with increasing stress levels as a result of the race with our clocks. The punch line, though, was that those quoted weren't Washingtonians, caught up in the frenzy I've experienced: they were all in Fargo, North Dakota. Now that was a shocker.
Running on the hamster wheel seems to be a common human state these days. I don't know if I feel pleased to learn that in a misery-loves-company sort of way, or depressed that there may be no hope of jumping off. The article says that those who have managed to jump off usually discover that life is short and there is a lot they want to do...so they jump back on.
Can this hamster-wheel approach to life really be considered...life?
When I think of the most wonderful moments of my life, they are the result of being totally present to the simple things in life. They have been things I've written about before: a simple dinner and movie with a friend on my coffee table, tending my garden, a wonderful Viennese waltz, a stroll through the woods on a spring day, or the touch by a loved one to my cheek.
Sadly, a lot of social pressure exists to stay on the hamster wheel, accepting four more assignments with deadlines this month and working longer and longer. I know that my productivity declines when I work like that and certainly my creativity comes to a dead stop. It would have been tragic if instead of leaving only 30 minutes late, I had stayed another 90 minutes and missed the walk I took through magnolia trees, forsythia, and daffodils in the majesty of a sunny-with-cobalt-blue-skies day in the nation's capitol. I did so with people watching me leave "early," which has come to mean only working 30 minutes late.
The lunacy of this whole situation is that I spent at least 30 minutes today in a meeting talking about the importance of work-life balance with the very people who were assigning the work that keeps me late. Go figure!
My intention--my target--has been to work sane hours and enjoy life, but I don't seem to have the will to stop. I really hope that the social pressure hasn't numbed my personal will. I am far ahead of where I was 24 hours ago. I hope reading that article and writing this post will reinforce to me what is important in life. I figure that even if I have to start over 100 times, that is way better than numbing out and being unaware. So, once again I refocus my intention on what is important...and hope I remember it at 5 o'clock tomorrow.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
I so get it....I worked for the Dept of Defense for 21 years. When I left, they replaced me with three people. I was exhausted and numb. I took a few years to recalibrate my life and career. Today I have to keep an eye on my hard task master boss (me) to not work me too hard. Usually I win the battle of balance and once in a while she gets me to work too hard. :-) Process Baby Process
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