Practicing Civility

One of the reasons that I was attracted to join my current church after decades of attending mostly in Easter, Christmas Eve, and when I was in personal crisis is that it is a think-out-of-the-box old school church.

First, let's talk about the old school part.  We are located across from the White House. During the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln walked across Lafayette Park to the church to sit and pray in the back pew every afternoon at 4.  Every President since Madison has attended services there. This Friday President-Elect Trump will join a long list of Presidents who attend a prayer service at the church before going to the Capitol for their inauguration.  It is hallowed ground not because it is a church edifice, but because of what has happened there.

Then, let's talk about what I did tonight and attempt to do most months.  I went to Theology on Tap. It is a casual gathering at a local pub.  We have a burger together.  Some have beer and wine. We usually have thought-provoking remarks, and then, most times thoughtful dialogue follows. Topics vary widely from a soup kitchen that trains ex-convicts to be chefs to gays and transexuals in the Bible. (Yes, they are there.)

Tonight's speaker was Right Reverend James Magness, the Bishop Suffragan for the US Armed Forces and Federal Ministries, which includes prisons. (In case you don't know, Bishop Suffragan means that he is the Bishop's helper for when the Bishop can't be everywhere. I had to look it up.)

Although it may seem a funny thing to say, in the casual, relaxed atmosphere, those attending seem to let down their guards and be willing to question.  I've written a lot on being in a place of conscious not-knowing--that quintessential spot where we give up our personal perspective and make ourselves vulnerable to the Truth. I've never heard anyone advocate a position. Respectful listening and questioning characterizes the meetings.  I always value the gatherings.

Bishop Magness'  remarks tonight invited exploration about our roles in helping our society be more civil, and the importance that listening can bring to civil discourse.  In the dialogue portion, participants obviously were searching their souls deeply.  It was clear that no one had answers but as we collectively pondered after our meal, we pulled together pieces that start building an answer, albeit an answer that will likely continue to unfold in each of us in the days and weeks ahead. But, we were clearly on sacred turf in our grappling.

Back when I had my own business, I would take leadership teams offsite for retreats in which we would follow my simple rules of dialogue to understand the business better.  They would listen, ask thoughtful questions, allow silence to float in to allow time for consideration, and to collectively allow a higher level of Truth emerge.  Let me remind you, we were talking about business and business challenges.  Yet, almost every time, by the first or second break someone would corner me and say something like, "This is really spiritual stuff."  And, it was.

Tonight I had the same feeling that I always did on those retreats.  When we make room for listening, silence, and pondering, we create civility. We are on hallowed ground. It is "spiritual stuff," no matter what the topic. Bishop Magness challenged each of us to extend an effort to bring more civility into our community. How can we bring what our group experienced so naturally tonight and what my leadership teams experienced so naturally in their retreats to our daily lives?

Back in the 90s, there was a joke that the word "ego" was an acronym for Edging God Out.  There was no ego in our pub gathering tonight.  Egos were checked at the door of the retreats.  If we are to really listen and understand others around us, we have to surrender who we have believed ourselves to be and what we have believed about our world in order to find Higher Truth.  In order to find a Third Way where we find civility, we have to let go of our egos, listen, ask questions to understand, and make room for the divine within each of us to lead us to new understanding.

What occurs in those moments of deep connection also becomes hallowed, not because of the set of acts we committed, but because of what happened there...and who we became because of it.