Yesterday afternoon I conducted two research projects for my health coaching class. Either of them could have been completed in under an hour, but I luxuriated over them for six or seven. I love to learn! I just kept jumping from website to website, learning more and more about each of the topics, including one about the heart health of the District of Columbia. It was something I would never have thought of. "Golly, gee, I think I'll spend an afternoon that I almost never have free researching the heart health of my city," is something that has never crossed my mind. AND, it was fascinating.
When I finally looked up, a bit bleary-eyed and starved, I sank back into my chair and laughed out loud. This was so much fun. Then it occurred to me that learning has been pretty much under the gun for most of my life. With so much to complete before the end of the term, I always felt like I was behind from the first day of class in college and graduate school. When I have taken classes while I was working, the being-behind-as-I-started feeling was notched up a bit, compounded by the hope that I might have five minutes for myself before the class ended.
For the first time, I can really enjoy learning as a quest where the knowledge is a reward in itself. Suddenly, my mind shifted from what I had to do before the class met at noon on Wednesday to what I would like to add to the studies. I identified books on the shelf of books purchased but not yet read which I wanted to get into. I also learned that Dr. Andrew Weil has a new healthy eating cookbook, and my experience with his recipes in the past is that they are great. That reminded me that when I started this program, I wanted to have delicious healthy food be an objective. But, I have hardly cooked anything that wasn't required from this class, and, for a foodie, I've found the recipes depressing.
If I haven't finished this research by the end of the class, so what? I can take all the time I want on this part of my exploration.
In the roughly 28 hours since my discover that I could have fun learning, more and more things have occurred to me that I could have allow to be fun. I used to relish getting home to run and really enjoyed lifting weights three times a week. In the pressure cooker that has been my life, the things I've loved have been sandwiched into progressively smaller morsels of time. I've felt as if checking something I chose off my list to prove that I would not give up thing I loved was more important than savoring the time I've spent doing them.
I've written a lot in this blog about being present to our lives, and it is a struggle for me. I think I am turning a corner...far from there, but I always like to say that awareness is 90 percent of the battle. Each time I identify an impediment to being present, I can focus my intention on what I'd like my life to be life. I can take as much...or as little...time as I want, but if I am going to do something, I am going to throw myself in it completely.
Today I needed to walk to the bank for cash. This afternoon was lovely in Washington--sunny, bluebird skies, and 60 degrees. I am a brisk walker, but I really enjoyed the sun on my cheeks and my mobility. I noticed that a foot, which has been bothering me, was better. I decided to continue on to the Whole Foods to pick up a few things that I needed. I enjoyed stopping and pondering some personal philosophy on a lawn sign. I just enjoyed the beautiful city in which I live. I was shocked when I got to the store to learn that I'd only walked 10 minutes from the bank, but I'd allowed myself to drop in a time warp where time didn't exist. I enjoyed myself.
I really want to be of service, but I don't need to make that be hard labor. In the end, enjoying my life and my service is the point. As has been said, this isn't a dress rehearsal, so why not have fun with it?
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