Remembering Who I AM

We are now seven days into the government shutdown.  Can it only be seven days?  I feel like September 30, my last worked day, was a different lifetime ago. In many ways, it was.  Just a quick review of what these seven days have brought to me: regular exercise and meditation, healthier eating, sufficient sleep, and a week up close and personal with my last book -- The Game Called Life. 

A week ago I was numb.  Intuitively, I knew what I needed to do to reawaken, but I had so lost touch with Kay Gilley, the human being, that there were times I could hardly remember who she was.  I knew that I felt most alive when I was writing.  I could recall the deep satisfaction of coaching people on their spiritual paths.  An image of myself on stage delivering my last speech--maybe my best ever--was emblazoned on my brain, but so distantly that I struggled to think that it was really me.  Yet, no matter what I tried, I couldn't find that person again. 

I had taken leave to write several times over the last couple of years, but nothing came.  How could it be? Words used to come tumbling out of me like a gushing waterfall after a heavy spring rain. Once there was a list of titles for books that I wanted to write some day.  But, I would sit and stare at my computer, and nothing came.

Then I was furloughed.

The work on The Game Called Life has helped me awaken the spiritual coach/guide/mentor.  Writing this blog has gotten the words flowing again.

As I have been doing since the Jewish New Year, this morning I started my mediation with the affirmation with "I am Love." An "almost echo" came back at me: "I AM."  In the stillness, I repeated "I AM."  After a few moments of repeating "I AM," I saw Kay again.  I saw myself on the keynote stage again, delivering a keynote address that brought the audience to joyful tears as they remembered who they were.  In a line of the speech was born a new book.  Then came another. 

I remembered who I AM. I am not sure how I lost her, but there is one thing about which I am absolutely certain now:  I am Kay Gilley--author, speaker, spiritual coach.