Spiritual discipline

I know that I said yesterday that today I was going to write about what happens when I don't ask and/or don't listen to my guidance.  However, my guidance today was to write something different. 

Today a passage of scripture from the Christian New Testament Gospel of Luke (17:1-4) guided worship. At the beginning of the passage, The Teacher talks about forgiveness.  The lesson says that if someone transgresses against us even as many as seven times in a day and asks for forgiveness that we are to forgive them. 

A couple days ago I wrote about doing the first two parts of a forgiveness exercise.  I forgave those that I felt I needed to forgive, but I am certain that several of them would not have asked for forgiveness.   Yet, I have forgiven them, and that I am not carrying resentment any longer is a gift for me.  I also meditationally asked others for forgiveness.  Since I was asking, I assume that qualifies me for forgiveness. 

In each of those exercises what was amazing was that as soon as forgiveness was given either way, there would be a wave of positive memories about that person, which the lack of forgiveness had blocked.  As I worked through the list, my heart felt more and more full.  I realize that the lesson today really was about opening our hearts. No matter how many times that we must forgive, doing so is a gift we give ourselves--the gift of the open heart.

What I haven't written about was the third part of the exercise, which I completed a day later.  The third column was comprised of things for which I needed to forgive myself.  As I thought about that list this morning, I recalled the impatience I felt about needing to forgive myself for the umpteenth time for not asking for guidance before I did something, not following the guidance I got, or following the guidance when it was so delinquent that it no longer had efficacy. 

It is much easier for me to forgive people who have done some pretty nasty things to me than it was to forgive myself.  Many of the times that I'd forgotten to check in with my heart occurred months or years apart.  Could I forgive myself seven times in a day? 

The word "discipline" derives from the Greek for "disciple" which means "student."  A spiritual discipline implies that it is our way of learning to be closer to our spirits.  For me, that means following what is written on my heart and messaged to me through listening to my heart. 

I realize that I have an unduly harsh standard for myself when it comes to being a spiritual student.  Somehow, even though I know we are all beginners, I expect myself to be perfect. However, the word "sin" was an archery term which meant the archer missed the bulls-eye: missed the mark. The implication was that the archer needed to adjust his/her aim. "Sin" isn't an arbitrary standard of judgment but rather a teaching term about how to get it better--not perfect--the next time.  That is what a spiritual discipline is about: aiming over and again until we hit the mark.

Now I realize that I did end up writing about what happens when I didn't follow my guidance, but it hasn't ended up looking like I expected.  That is what happens when we listen to the wisdom of our hearts.

Yes, I have failed to ask for guidance from my heart, and I have failed to follow in a timely way.  The results weren't as rewarding as those I wrote about yesterday and hundreds of other stories I could have written. AND, I have aimed again.  Now, I will recall that I should have forgive me...even seven times a day, if needed.

Ahhh!